Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?

[Anonymous]

She is channeling her motherly instincts on the dog. It is not a bad thing as she is practicing to be a mom.. in case they will have a baby, she seems she will be pretty protective one to it.
For now, she could just take another dog because she is most likely feeling empathy for the dog being alone and seems like she might be projecting her own sense of loneliness either now or from early childhood, it must be strong in this one.
Anyhoo.. if she will get another dog she might feel more emotionally balanced that leaving two dogs at home is precisely as taking the dog to the daycare or other place where a dog will not be suffering loneliness and solitude.
She is somewhat correct that a smart intelligent animals do feel lonely if left alone and can get pretty depressed, the more attached to the owner and the smarter the dog the greater chance for depression if left alone for longer periods.
So, having another dog would give her great sense of relief. Offer that idea to her and see how it will play. The thing is that she might be just looking for some solution but she might not have thought of that. My close friend had a cat who was very attached to her and vice versa, she had really hard time leaving a cat alone at home, especially once neighbors reported a cat was meowing miserably all the time she was at work, that make her feeling even more upset because now she KNEW that the cat was suffering when she was out, not only imagine it. They took a second cat and it was instant problem solver. The two cats got along very well and no more crying when she was out. Also she had a good feeling knowing that both cats kept each other company when the owners were out. It was also so much easier on them to go away and leave the cats in the care of someone coming to visit the cats and feed them daily as the cats were just fine.
It was quite a simple solution as if you have one animal, taking another is not much more trouble, you go already for walks, you already need food, you already need to refill it and the water and you need to go to the vet anyway.

When you look around you see often people walking two dogs, one bigger and one smaller.. or two small dogs..
those pairs are in most cases result of taking a second pet to solve a solo pet problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, the Fourth of July can be really hard on dogs. I wouldn’t leave my German Shepherds home alone during fireworks.

Just leave the TV on a little louder then normally. Fireworks are not that much different for the dog at home then a big storm with thunders.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why this is "unhealthy." She loves the dog, wants to spend time with the dog, maybe is getting a huge amount of happiness from taking care of this dog who offers her unconditional love.

You are judging her in saying that certain family events should be prioritized over the dog; but that is a matter of your opinion. Reasonable people could disagree--there is no universal right or wrong here. Indeed, your sister disagrees--she clearly wants to be with the dog.

You mention that she does not have kids, as if this is relevant. You seem pretty judgey, OP.

What exactly would you imagine saying to her? Tell her that you think she is "crazy"? How do you think this conversation is going to go over? You think she is going to smack her head and say, "What was I thinking?! Thank you for saving me!"

The fact that you are even contemplating this suggests to me why your sister is in dire need of the kind of unconditional love a dog can provide. This dog is never going to ask strangers online if it should tell her that she is crazy. It's going to act super enthusiastic whenever she shows up and will love her just the way she is.

Look, she's not making choices you would make. That does not make them crazy choices. I don't see any evidence that her mental health is actually disturbed. It seems like you are the one who is disturbed by the idea that she's got something going on in her life other than going to family events. Leave this woman and her dog alone. Better yet, be happy for her! Buy the dog a chew toy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, the Fourth of July can be really hard on dogs. I wouldn’t leave my German Shepherds home alone during fireworks.

Just leave the TV on a little louder then normally. Fireworks are not that much different for the dog at home then a big storm with thunders.

That's quite a generalization, and not true for all dogs. Some are only mildly upset, but others panic and try to chew through doors or lodge themselves under furniture.

[Anonymous]

Crazy dog people are 10000x worse than crazy cat people.

[Anonymous]

1. It doesn't seem unhealthy.
2. You are judging her.
3. Don't say anything unless you want an argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's funny you posted this because we're having a similar situation with my mother. She got her first dog since living at home as a teenager and she's now told us she won't go on the annual family vacation that we've been taking for 20 years because we can't find a place where she can take the dog. I suggested that she board the dog near where we stay on vacation and she said that she couldn't bear to be away from her that long.

The ironic thing is that she holds the dog like a baby and has told my 3 sons (22, 19, and 15) that she loves the dog like she loved them when they were little and now that they aren't, she has the dog to love. In the meantime, because she has the dog, she's not attending the 2 younger kids' games and events (which my father nearly always does and she used to) because she doesn't want to leave the dog. My 19 year old plays college basketball about an hour away and she can't leave the dog to go to his game because the dog will "get lonely." He will visit them on the weekends he isn't playing, so it's not like they don't have a close relationship. It's like because my sons aren't babies anymore, they're of no "use" to her. It's sad.

I think you’re being a little harsh. She sounds lonely, and the dog is with her and giving her love every moment. Your sons (while awesome and no doubt loved) are away at college or busy with lives. It’s not a competition, she just needs a more constant companion than they can be right now. Also, driving an hour to see a b-ball game is a lot for anyone. She may just not feel up to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing you can say to crazy dog people. I was one of them and won’t say all of things we did. They were our children and we thought we were acting normal. We were insane. They lived pampered lives and eventually passed away. Now we have actual kids and I refuse to get any pets. I don’t want to be a crazy dog person again.

Yep. I was a crazy dog person also. Then I had kids. I was a crazy kid person. Now grown and I have a normal dog and a normal life. But when I’m invited to things I don’t want to do I can be as crazy about my dog as anyone !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, the Fourth of July can be really hard on dogs. I wouldn’t leave my German Shepherds home alone during fireworks.

Just leave the TV on a little louder then normally. Fireworks are not that much different for the dog at home then a big storm with thunders.

Not true. I have to medicate one of my GSDs because she panics during severe storms and fireworks. She would hurt herself if left alone. My other GSD doesn’t even react. It’s very dog specific.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend do this. Then she dumped the dog about 1 year in after waiting too long to spay and the dog went crazy.

[Anonymous]

sounds like she finally has the excuse she always wanted.

also sounds like she's never had a dog before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. It doesn't seem unhealthy.
2. You are judging her.
3. Don't say anything unless you want an argument.

+1

I don't get the "my dog is my kid" thing - because until and unless you have children, there is absolutely no comparison, either way. If you want to go on vacation, all you have to do is put a dog in a cage when and if you please. Not so children, obviously. So yah, no comparison and y'all sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's funny you posted this because we're having a similar situation with my mother. She got her first dog since living at home as a teenager and she's now told us she won't go on the annual family vacation that we've been taking for 20 years because we can't find a place where she can take the dog. I suggested that she board the dog near where we stay on vacation and she said that she couldn't bear to be away from her that long.

The ironic thing is that she holds the dog like a baby and has told my 3 sons (22, 19, and 15) that she loves the dog like she loved them when they were little and now that they aren't, she has the dog to love. In the meantime, because she has the dog, she's not attending the 2 younger kids' games and events (which my father nearly always does and she used to) because she doesn't want to leave the dog. My 19 year old plays college basketball about an hour away and she can't leave the dog to go to his game because the dog will "get lonely." He will visit them on the weekends he isn't playing, so it's not like they don't have a close relationship. It's like because my sons aren't babies anymore, they're of no "use" to her. It's sad.

I think you’re being a little harsh. She sounds lonely, and the dog is with her and giving her love every moment. Your sons (while awesome and no doubt loved) are away at college or busy with lives. It’s not a competition, she just needs a more constant companion than they can be right now. Also, driving an hour to see a b-ball game is a lot for anyone. She may just not feel up to it.

I get all of that, except for the part where she says she misses the kids but decides not to spend time with them in order to spend time with the dog who she sees 24/7. As for the hour ride, she drives an hour once a week to play games with her cousin, but that's ok because my father's home with the dog so the dog's not "lonely". It has nothing to do with her feeling up to it; she's only 67. I do agree she's lonely, but at the same time, she's "devastated" that my kids have gotten older. That's not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crazy dog people are 10000x worse than crazy cat people.

I hate cats. Hate them. But I actually agree!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like MIL. You could say something but it's a losing battle. it is crazy. Treating dogs like people in the world. They might be similar but alas are not human.