Fostering - give it to me straight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I learned that it's not as common for children under age 5 and babies to need foster care because their extended family members are more likely to take them in. And the older kids, sadly there's often a reason their grandparents, aunts and uncles won't take them. Their trauma manifests in serious behavioral problems. The problems are disruptive and often involve violence and/or abuse towards other children in the home. It is not possible to just love them and hope for the best.

If you're lucky, Your own young bio children will be exposed to undesirable behaviors, language, habits, etc (and that's if you foster a relatively well behaved child).

We had the opposite experience with my foster sibs (two eventually adopted). People were happy to take the older kids in the family because they were in school full time and could help around the house. The teen sisters of my first foster brother and the 9 year old brother of the two my dad adopted were all placed with bio family quickly. The babies and preschooler though... No one in the bio families wanted to change diapers or deal with daycare.

[Anonymous]

Here is an option for you

https://lssnca.org/programs/unaccompanied-refugee-minor/foster_parent_interest_form.html

[Anonymous]

There are so many children in the foster care system that need help. But you have to understand that your children right now aren’t old enough to understand. They’re not going to understand when someone new comes in. They are not going to understand when a child they love as a sibling leaves. Think about it, talk with your spouse about it, but wait until your kids are all at least in preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of pp already gave great advice - a few things I will add:

- foster kids take a lot of time, energy and attention. Not just at first but for the long haul. You will have to cheat your biological children out of your time, attention and energy to meet the needs of the foster child. The can cause resentment all around. It's not a reason not to foster but it is something to be honest about so you can recognize it.

- kids under 5 can have very real and serious problems. They can be violent and destructive. Do not make the mistake of believing that a younger child will be "easier". That's not the case. They might have misdiagnosed issues that you will be spending many hours tracking down doctors to diagnosis, get therapy in place, and so on. See above.

- you will only be able to hire sitters that have approved background checks for your foster child.

- you will not be able to leave the state with your foster child without permission. thinking here of going on a vacation not commuting to a doctor in Maryland if you live in VA.

- some foster agencies will ask you to be involved with the biological parents including contact with them and possibly setting up visits.

- We started the process a few years ago to get certified and it was assumed by the agency that when a child was placed with us , that one of us or split between the two would take 12 weeks of family leave to help the foster child adjust. They informed us that this is what most foster parents did.

Case worker here again. The misinformation on this thread is appalling.

Sorry Case worker but you are misinformed.

Different agencies have different expectations for foster families and contact with bio parents and possibly setting up visits (note I said possibly as this would depend on individual cases and circumstances). Alexandria City and Arlington Co both support foster parents contact and communication with bio families ( with the exception if there is a safety issue)

In terms of taking family leave, as I said they agency said that families foster children often took 12 weeks of family leave but note I didn’t say they required or mandated it. Upon reflection, it makes sense since we were considering fostering ages 5 and under, and we would have to secure daycare spots and have to do a round of medical appts. Getting an opening in a daycare might take a few weeks.

And yes, you can not leave a child who is in the custody of the state with a babysitter or care provider who does not have a background check. Use common sense!