Would you leave private because of mean girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret not moving my DD who is now a senior at a large public HS. High school has been awful for her- mean girls have done some awful bullying. We weren't fully aware of the extent of how bad it was until this year and are counting the days for her to graduate and leave. (she is taking many days off already). We hoped things would get better and they never really did. She is going out college out of state and fingers are crossed that she thrives and makes friends.

I bet she will! High school can suck, and then it’s like being freed into your real life. We are rooting for her!

OP, move your DD. Doesn’t sound like there are any compelling reasons not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

Op I would ask is it just the girls or are the parents encouraging the behavior or mean themselves? This can make a difference because if the parents are nice and invested in the community then they will help. If they are part of the problem I would leave.

I agree at our private the mom encourage's the mean girl behavior. She controls who her daughter plays with or has playdates with. She ignores all the other parents who aren't up to her standards and her daughter bullies a lot of the other girls. My DD just ignores and doesn't want to have to do anything with the family. I wish the mom's friends would speak up about this behavior as they all know it is wrong but since it doesn't affect them or their child they don't care.

Is this St. Pats? Sounds similar to a post on another thread.

Really, could you stop? It doesn't matter what school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

Op I would ask is it just the girls or are the parents encouraging the behavior or mean themselves? This can make a difference because if the parents are nice and invested in the community then they will help. If they are part of the problem I would leave.

I agree at our private the mom encourage's the mean girl behavior. She controls who her daughter plays with or has playdates with. She ignores all the other parents who aren't up to her standards and her daughter bullies a lot of the other girls. My DD just ignores and doesn't want to have to do anything with the family. I wish the mom's friends would speak up about this behavior as they all know it is wrong but since it doesn't affect them or their child they don't care.

Is this St. Pats? Sounds similar to a post on another thread.

Really, could you stop? It doesn't matter what school.

DP. It matters if it is part of the accepted culture for those of us looking at and considering schools.

[Anonymous]

We pulled our daughter out and she is a completely different happy child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools are too small. Parents think it's going to be a good thing, more nurturing. It's not. Too small of a peer group. Social options are too limiting. Go public.

This. Small schools -- like small towns -- can be suffocating. At bigger schools there are a bigger variety of kids and personalities, which means for options for those having trouble finding their niche.

[Anonymous]

I would move my kid from a school because of horrible bulling that the school didn't addressed, yes. If it were 7th or 8th though I might wait until 9th because all schools change a great deal when you move to upper school (speaking from experience several times over). If you are specifying a private because you can only switch to public (no openings at private) then I agree that makes the decision much more difficult. It would really depend on how good the pubic was and how long she would be there before the next private school admission cycle. Its a very personal decision with lots of subjective criteria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would move my kid from a school because of horrible bulling that the school didn't addressed, yes. If it were 7th or 8th though I might wait until 9th because all schools change a great deal when you move to upper school (speaking from experience several times over). If you are specifying a private because you can only switch to public (no openings at private) then I agree that makes the decision much more difficult. It would really depend on how good the pubic was and how long she would be there before the next private school admission cycle. Its a very personal decision with lots of subjective criteria.

This is OP again. Right now we are zoned to Potomac elementary, but I literally would move to anywhere to put her in a school she wasn’t made to feel sad or like she is friendless. Maybe we give the school one more year and if it’s not better by late fall we apply elsewhere or go to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move my kid from a school because of horrible bulling that the school didn't addressed, yes. If it were 7th or 8th though I might wait until 9th because all schools change a great deal when you move to upper school (speaking from experience several times over). If you are specifying a private because you can only switch to public (no openings at private) then I agree that makes the decision much more difficult. It would really depend on how good the pubic was and how long she would be there before the next private school admission cycle. Its a very personal decision with lots of subjective criteria.

This is OP again. Right now we are zoned to Potomac elementary, but I literally would move to anywhere to put her in a school she wasn’t made to feel sad or like she is friendless. Maybe we give the school one more year and if it’s not better by late fall we apply elsewhere or go to public.

I'm so sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

This is in 2nd grade? What does mean girl behavior look like at this age? Things like not inviting the whole class to a birthday party? These kids aren’t on social media, so it seems like the teachers, parents and school could get a handle on this behavior pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is in 2nd grade? What does mean girl behavior look like at this age? Things like not inviting the whole class to a birthday party? These kids aren’t on social media, so it seems like the teachers, parents and school could get a handle on this behavior pretty quickly.

Even in 2nd grade kids can be very savvy with relational aggression. It's impressive (but obviously not in a good way). And because many teachers and parents think it doesn't happen until later, they overlook it or attribute situations as being "misunderstandings". There is a book called something like- Little Girls Can Be Mean (I don't remember the exact title). It's interesting and offers strategies to parents and kids.

OP, if you've tried different avenues and don't feel like you and your daughter are being supported by the school, you should develop an exit strategy.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

We did. Wish I did it a year sooner than I did.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move my kid from a school because of horrible bulling that the school didn't addressed, yes. If it were 7th or 8th though I might wait until 9th because all schools change a great deal when you move to upper school (speaking from experience several times over). If you are specifying a private because you can only switch to public (no openings at private) then I agree that makes the decision much more difficult. It would really depend on how good the pubic was and how long she would be there before the next private school admission cycle. Its a very personal decision with lots of subjective criteria.

This is OP again. Right now we are zoned to Potomac elementary, but I literally would move to anywhere to put her in a school she wasn’t made to feel sad or like she is friendless. Maybe we give the school one more year and if it’s not better by late fall we apply elsewhere or go to public.

She feels sad and friendless after at least almost a year at this school? And you're not happy with the curriculum? Why in the world would you want her to stick it out another year?

[Anonymous]

Children bully others for a variety of reasons but the biggest contributor to bullying behavior is sadly the parents. Children model what they see at home and how their parents interact and talk about others.

Please move your child. If the school isn’t doing anything to help with the problem then leave. Your child’s mental health is more important that staying at a private school. Go public or find a school with rolling admission. Talk to schools about their policy and let them know you will want assistance from the school counselor to help facilitate friendships and to keep an eye out for your child. I am so sorry your child and your family is going through this and I hope you find a good solution for your child.

Has your child expressed to you that she wants to go to a new school? What has your school done to support your child and try to stop the behavior? Just curious. Again so sorry your daughter and family are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is in 2nd grade? What does mean girl behavior look like at this age? Things like not inviting the whole class to a birthday party? These kids aren’t on social media, so it seems like the teachers, parents and school could get a handle on this behavior pretty quickly.

Even in 2nd grade kids can be very savvy with relational aggression. It's impressive (but obviously not in a good way). And because many teachers and parents think it doesn't happen until later, they overlook it or attribute situations as being "misunderstandings". There is a book called something like- Little Girls Can Be Mean (I don't remember the exact title). It's interesting and offers strategies to parents and kids.

OP, if you've tried different avenues and don't feel like you and your daughter are being supported by the school, you should develop an exit strategy.

Good luck.

+1 And eventually the "misunderstandings" morph somehow into blaming the victim. Relational aggression is insidious. It is learned at home from mothers and older sisters, and once it begins in a class it can be very hard to extinguish. Because the mothers use relational aggression themselves in their adult female relationships it can be very hard to get the mothers involved in a positive and proactive way to help resolve the issues. Schools can be reluctant to address the issue themselves because they don't want to offend several tuition-paying parents - it can be easier to sacrifice one girl versus several. This is short-sighted on the school's behalf but most school administrators and counselors aren't used to taking the long view. If the school is not actively helping you resolve the situation then you really need to consider moving unless somehow the situation is going to change (like the mean girl moving herself).

[Anonymous]

Pull. We left private and DD was 100% happier.