Would you leave private because of mean girls?

[Anonymous]

We left public and went private for the same reasons. Only regret is that we waited so long. A bad school and mean kids can do real damage.

[Anonymous]

Imagine if you had to work in a similar environment every day, or if a friend did. Wouldn't you look for a new workplace or encourage your friend to do so? If the workplace was really toxic, you might even consider quitting immediately and then finding the next job over the summer. Re schools it feels like walking off a plank (and it kinda is), but when it's a job it's totally understandable to look for a better, healthier fit.

Any independent school in the area, with openings, will be happy to hear from you now. Don't rule out anything, just go visit and ask lots of questions; most likely students will lead the tours and you'll be able to visit without other prospective families. If you visit and don't like the schools you'll feel better about staying.

Bullis, Burke, Field, SAES, SSFS, WIS... everyone, what other MS/HS schools could be on this list?

[Anonymous]

I have a few friends contemplating leaving their private but it is because of a bad social dynamic with boys. A few are already leaving and at least 5 more are touring and considering leaving. They are worried if they don’t leave now and it doesn’t improve that their sons won’t be able to get placed after 9th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends contemplating leaving their private but it is because of a bad social dynamic with boys. A few are already leaving and at least 5 more are touring and considering leaving. They are worried if they don’t leave now and it doesn’t improve that their sons won’t be able to get placed after 9th.

In middle school now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is this NCS or Holton, I guess it's NCS? 7th grade?

Right, because those are the ONLY two possible schools where bullying might occur.

[Anonymous]

It is a hard decision, OP. Mean girl behavior is a learned behavior and girls learn it from their mothers and each other. Unless the school is actively moving to disrupt and abate the mean girl problem then things probably won't change unless the main mean girl leaves. Even then the school will need to work with the remaining girls to unlearn all the bad behaviors.

Not to put too fine of a point on it but I am very much in the same mind as the poster on the prior page who talks about the fact that sometimes there are no do-overs in child rearing. Sure there is a little latitude and sometimes you can recover but something like this mean girl behavior is hard to get over or get past. Basically if nothing changes then you are sending your child into an inhospitable and hostile environment every day for 7-8 hours a day. It would be a disheartening and soul-draining experience. Ugh.

If the school is directly involved and helping remediate the problem, then we might stay if there were other aspects of the school that we really liked. Absent school support and action, though, and we would be out of there.

Good luck. This sounds like a really tough situation for your child. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a hard decision, OP. Mean girl behavior is a learned behavior and girls learn it from their mothers and each other. Unless the school is actively moving to disrupt and abate the mean girl problem then things probably won't change unless the main mean girl leaves. Even then the school will need to work with the remaining girls to unlearn all the bad behaviors.

Not to put too fine of a point on it but I am very much in the same mind as the poster on the prior page who talks about the fact that sometimes there are no do-overs in child rearing. Sure there is a little latitude and sometimes you can recover but something like this mean girl behavior is hard to get over or get past. Basically if nothing changes then you are sending your child into an inhospitable and hostile environment every day for 7-8 hours a day. It would be a disheartening and soul-draining experience. Ugh.

If the school is directly involved and helping remediate the problem, then we might stay if there were other aspects of the school that we really liked. Absent school support and *** action, though, and we would be out of there.

Good luck. This sounds like a really tough situation for your child. Hugs.

I just read my post and I want to add one word *** substantive ***. Absent school support and substantive action, though, we would be out of there.

[Anonymous]

Private schools are too small. Parents think it's going to be a good thing, more nurturing. It's not. Too small of a peer group. Social options are too limiting. Go public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools are too small. Parents think it's going to be a good thing, more nurturing. It's not. Too small of a peer group. Social options are too limiting. Go public.

Being in a public school doesn’t automatically solve social issues- bullying included. Having 800 kids in a grade doesn’t automatically mean that a kid can escape those problems. I agree that it can be impossible to escape in a small private, but OP (or anyone else) shouldn’t believe that it can’t VERY easily happen in public school also. Teachers are often overwhelmed and crazy things can fly under the radar. I was a public school counselor and have seen things go unnoticed or unaddressed by the administration far too many times. A larger school often means there’s room for more bullies. Whether it’s public or private school, it’s how the administration and teachers address the issue that makes the most difference. OP, no school can be perfect but if you decide to switch, look for a school with a clearly stated anti bullying policy and speak to others, if you can, to find out if the policies are enforced.

Best wishes to you and DD.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

[Anonymous]

I regret not moving my DD who is now a senior at a large public HS. High school has been awful for her- mean girls have done some awful bullying. We weren't fully aware of the extent of how bad it was until this year and are counting the days for her to graduate and leave. (she is taking many days off already). We hoped things would get better and they never really did. She is going out college out of state and fingers are crossed that she thrives and makes friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

Op I would ask is it just the girls or are the parents encouraging the behavior or mean themselves? This can make a difference because if the parents are nice and invested in the community then they will help. If they are part of the problem I would leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

If she is in 2nd grade and being bullied (and the school is not doing anything) then YES you need to move and you should move NOW. If you want you can maybe make it a one-two. One - move now to your local public (yes, NOW) or a private that may have space (some do). Two - then apply with next year's process to schools where you think there might be a better fit. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret not moving my DD who is now a senior at a large public HS. High school has been awful for her- mean girls have done some awful bullying. We weren't fully aware of the extent of how bad it was until this year and are counting the days for her to graduate and leave. (she is taking many days off already). We hoped things would get better and they never really did. She is going out college out of state and fingers are crossed that she thrives and makes friends.

I am so sorry. I hope she thrives in college.