Would you leave private because of mean girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools are too small. Parents think it's going to be a good thing, more nurturing. It's not. Too small of a peer group. Social options are too limiting. Go public.

Being in a public school doesn’t automatically solve social issues- bullying included. Having 800 kids in a grade doesn’t automatically mean that a kid can escape those problems. I agree that it can be impossible to escape in a small private, but OP (or anyone else) shouldn’t believe that it can’t VERY easily happen in public school also. Teachers are often overwhelmed and crazy things can fly under the radar. I was a public school counselor and have seen things go unnoticed or unaddressed by the administration far too many times. A larger school often means there’s room for more bullies. Whether it’s public or private school, it’s how the administration and teachers address the issue that makes the most difference. OP, no school can be perfect but if you decide to switch, look for a school with a clearly stated anti bullying policy and speak to others, if you can, to find out if the policies are enforced.

Best wishes to you and DD.

It doesn't. But, with a bigger class kids can find their niche and even if they are having social issues they have backup. My kids have never had serious problems at their large middle school but they have friends who have - mainly because they try to be popular. But, those kids always have someone who has their back. Small environment...ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret not moving my DD who is now a senior at a large public HS. High school has been awful for her- mean girls have done some awful bullying. We weren't fully aware of the extent of how bad it was until this year and are counting the days for her to graduate and leave. (she is taking many days off already). We hoped things would get better and they never really did. She is going out college out of state and fingers are crossed that she thrives and makes friends.

I am so sorry. I hope she thrives in college.

+1 <3 <3 <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

Move. You still have a lot of time to figure out "what next." Mean girl stuff at that young age sticks.

[Anonymous]

My DD had mean girl issues starting in 5th grade. Her awesome school counselor helped her deal with it. The mean girls are still there, but so is my daughter, who now has coping skills. She is a thriving 8th grader.
My DD's particular grade has a reputation for being mean (girls and boys). I have 2 other children who don't have that issue.
They are all at the same Catholic school.
The counselor herself is worth the tuition.
Ask your child what she wants as far as school goes. I ask mine every year ("So the same school or the public school?")
And go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

YES!!!! Move her- ASAP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We thought a lot about moving but didn't have a lot of choices. We live in DC and the publics are pretty terrible. So, kid stuck with the mean girl situation.

All DC publics are not that bad. You would be pretty amazed if you actually took a tour of one and spoke to other parents who children have had issues like your. Don't be so quick to judge. My nephews and nieces all graduated from DCPS in the last 4 years and NYU, UVA, Dartmouth, and UNC is where they ended. Don't limit yourself with doing your research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We thought a lot about moving but didn't have a lot of choices. We live in DC and the publics are pretty terrible. So, kid stuck with the mean girl situation.

All DC publics are not that bad. You would be pretty amazed if you actually took a tour of one and spoke to other parents who children have had issues like your. Don't be so quick to judge. My nephews and nieces all graduated from DCPS in the last 4 years and NYU, UVA, Dartmouth, and UNC is where they ended. Don't limit yourself with doing your research.

+1. Our neighborhood school (a Wilson feeder) is a really sweet little school. Kid is now in private for a particular curriculum, but her public school cohort was full of whip smart, kind kids. If we went back tomorrow, I’d have no concerns about her education.

[Anonymous]

What exactly are these girls doing? Have you reached out to the teacher? Parents?

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PPs who switched schools, but this was in high school. In 2nd grade, I’m not sure I would have done the same unless your DD is truly miserable and the situation seems intractable. Kids are still developing their social skills and dynamic at that age and things change from year to year. One thing to consider is what is the school’s response to your conversations about this? Do they have a plan in place to address these types of situations or is it just lip service? (My DD’s school was high school only, and there were really no concrete steps they took in these situations, other than lots of talk about sisterhood and no tolerance for bullying.)

The best advice we received during this time was to make sure our DD had many venues of friendship. We did a lot of things outside of school so she had lots of other friendships. She didn’t struggle in any of these other situations, so it also showed us that it was really the dynamic at school and not that DD was lacking social perception. (Which is something the school suggested.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends contemplating leaving their private but it is because of a bad social dynamic with boys. A few are already leaving and at least 5 more are touring and considering leaving. They are worried if they don’t leave now and it doesn’t improve that their sons won’t be able to get placed after 9th.

If it is too late to apply for 9th this year, do kids every leave big 3’s after 9th and do they have difficulty getting placed if they are good students?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We thought a lot about moving but didn't have a lot of choices. We live in DC and the publics are pretty terrible. So, kid stuck with the mean girl situation.

Plenty of other privates. Look around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

Op I would ask is it just the girls or are the parents encouraging the behavior or mean themselves? This can make a difference because if the parents are nice and invested in the community then they will help. If they are part of the problem I would leave.

I agree at our private the mom encourage's the mean girl behavior. She controls who her daughter plays with or has playdates with. She ignores all the other parents who aren't up to her standards and her daughter bullies a lot of the other girls. My DD just ignores and doesn't want to have to do anything with the family. I wish the mom's friends would speak up about this behavior as they all know it is wrong but since it doesn't affect them or their child they don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at a big 3, DD loves the school but there are terrible mean girls. We ask her every year to leave but she wants to stay. I know mean girls are everywhere so until she tells me she wants to leave, we aren’t pulling her out. But we will in a heartbeat if she asks us to.

No, they don't have to be. I have a middle school daughter at a large public and she's never experienced mean girl behavior. Really, truly.
She's moving to a top private next year and we're hoping she doesn't experience it there.

Unless you are sending her to Gonzaga, I'm afraid you are likely to be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

Op I would ask is it just the girls or are the parents encouraging the behavior or mean themselves? This can make a difference because if the parents are nice and invested in the community then they will help. If they are part of the problem I would leave.

I agree at our private the mom encourage's the mean girl behavior. She controls who her daughter plays with or has playdates with. She ignores all the other parents who aren't up to her standards and her daughter bullies a lot of the other girls. My DD just ignores and doesn't want to have to do anything with the family. I wish the mom's friends would speak up about this behavior as they all know it is wrong but since it doesn't affect them or their child they don't care.

Very unusual once girls are in 6th and up. Your daughter’s must be younger I take it. As they get older they choose their own friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


This is OP, my daughter is in 2nd grade.

I see now. I would bet money that you are at St. Pat’s.

Op I would ask is it just the girls or are the parents encouraging the behavior or mean themselves? This can make a difference because if the parents are nice and invested in the community then they will help. If they are part of the problem I would leave.

I agree at our private the mom encourage's the mean girl behavior. She controls who her daughter plays with or has playdates with. She ignores all the other parents who aren't up to her standards and her daughter bullies a lot of the other girls. My DD just ignores and doesn't want to have to do anything with the family. I wish the mom's friends would speak up about this behavior as they all know it is wrong but since it doesn't affect them or their child they don't care.

Is this St. Pats? Sounds similar to a post on another thread.