Would you leave private because of mean girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move my kid from a school because of horrible bulling that the school didn't addressed, yes. If it were 7th or 8th though I might wait until 9th because all schools change a great deal when you move to upper school (speaking from experience several times over). If you are specifying a private because you can only switch to public (no openings at private) then I agree that makes the decision much more difficult. It would really depend on how good the pubic was and how long she would be there before the next private school admission cycle. Its a very personal decision with lots of subjective criteria.

This is OP again. Right now we are zoned to Potomac elementary, but I literally would move to anywhere to put her in a school she wasn’t made to feel sad or like she is friendless. Maybe we give the school one more year and if it’s not better by late fall we apply elsewhere or go to public.

She feels sad and friendless after at least almost a year at this school? And you're not happy with the curriculum? Why in the world would you want her to stick it out another year?

This. We just pulled out our second grader from a small private school 2 months before summer. She was emotionally suffering everyday and showing signs of depression. It was the right decision. I cannot imagine what damage another year of such a toxic environment might have done. Wishing you and your DD the best!

[Anonymous]

I started struggling w/ peer group in 1st grade, combined w/ lack of curriculum challenges. It took 4 more years until I was finally switched. My parents regret not having found a way to have made the change earlier. I thrived in short time the time at the new school. I didn’t find that perfect fit and mental stimulation again until college.

If you’re able to make it happen, do it and don’t look back. There will always be “what if’s” but there needs to be at least a tiny part of a good fit (academics, peers, teachers, etc.) Something so she looks back and says, some parts were not ideal, but it was worth it because of...

Good luck. There will never be a perfect situation with peers- don’t set her up for having to find perfect, but don’t let her settle for abuse. Sending love.

[Anonymous]

If she's that unhappy then move. DC schools are not that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave. Our kid was in a private in middle school and we saw a major change in behavior, self confidence, outlook due to mean kid bullying. We moved our child to a different school (another private) and the change is night and day. Our child is back to being the happy, confident, sweet kid they were before the bad class/bad situation/ Wish we had pulled the plug sooner.

Which private did they switch to?

[Anonymous]

We are also considering a move for our DD. Definitely a significant amount of relational aggression in the grade and a divisional head who doesn’t want to deal with it. The “popular” girls are interested in topics more advanced than they should be for their age, etc

Can PPs who made a move successfully share process insights? The fear of the unknown is always hard. (DD has an older sibling who is happy at the school but the class dynamics and parent group are much better.)

I’m comfortable scoping out and assessing the academic part, but what did you do to figure out social dynamics and administrative / counselor strengths, school culture, etc?

Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret not moving my DD who is now a senior at a large public HS. High school has been awful for her- mean girls have done some awful bullying. We weren't fully aware of the extent of how bad it was until this year and are counting the days for her to graduate and leave. (she is taking many days off already). We hoped things would get better and they never really did. She is going out college out of state and fingers are crossed that she thrives and makes friends.

I bet she will! High school can suck, and then it’s like being freed into your real life. We are rooting for her!

OP, move your DD. Doesn’t sound like there are any compelling reasons not to.

I thought bullying usually calms down in high school? That was my experience and what I keep telling my DD who is in MS.

[Anonymous]

Bullying can occur at any age. It can be bad at just about any age.

Move your child.

[Anonymous]

Sorry your DD is dealing with this. We were considering moving , but my DC didn't want to. Thankfully, the main mean girl was asked to leave and my DD made friends.

If I wasn't happy with the curriculum and the school didn't respond to the bullying I would move. I do think it is also important to teach our children that they can't run from every thing and sometimes will have to deal with challenging situations.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. Bullying just sucks. Parents of kids who bully are epic failures. I’m far, far from a perfect parent. My (now grown) kids have done some dumb stuff. But they have always been kind, compassionate humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's that unhappy then move. DC schools are not that bad.

Some of them are better than the privates. Some of them are way better than the privates.

[Anonymous]

I am a licensed counselor.

I have listened to many of my young clients in their teens and 20's, even 30's recounting their painful experiences of being bullied in 2nd or third grade. Kids would call them names, get up and leave or push them away during lunch time, blatantly reject them during recess, refuse to team up with them in music, art, PE, science, or other classes when teachers asked the students to partner up, deliberately gossip loudly about them, hit, push, mock, shun out, call names, using racial slurs, laugh at them loudly their clothing, facial features, body features, … …

Kids bullied at 2nd or 3rd grade would cry helplessly, silently, in the restrooms, eat lunch alone in the restroom with the doors of stalls closed, or eat lunch alone in the library, or bring a book to read during recess,...

They feel utterly helpless, painful, ashmed, rejected, neglected, …

Please listen to your child. Find ways to address and resolve these issues.

[Anonymous]

One more thing: I have heard parents recounting in detail incidents of bullying and encouraging bullying behaviors in kindergartens, big 3 kindergartens, mind you. Often times the bullied kids are non-whites, boys and girls, ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your DD is dealing with this. We were considering moving , but my DC didn't want to. Thankfully, the main mean girl was asked to leave and my DD made friends.

If I wasn't happy with the curriculum and the school didn't respond to the bullying I would move. I do think it is also important to teach our children that they can't run from every thing and sometimes will have to deal with challenging situations.

Best wishes.

That is wonderful that the mean girl was asked to leave. Was that due to academic issues as well? I can’t imagine my DD private pushing someone out for bullying....even if it was the absolute right thing to do. Would you mind sharing the school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are also considering a move for our DD. Definitely a significant amount of relational aggression in the grade and a divisional head who doesn’t want to deal with it. The “popular” girls are interested in topics more advanced than they should be for their age, etc

Can PPs who made a move successfully share process insights? The fear of the unknown is always hard. (DD has an older sibling who is happy at the school but the class dynamics and parent group are much better.)

I’m comfortable scoping out and assessing the academic part, but what did you do to figure out social dynamics and administrative / counselor strengths, school culture, etc?

Thanks in advance!

We moved a son from his private elementary school to a different private because of the difficult social dynamics in the grade level. It was the whole enchilada - the parents, the kids, some of the teachers, even the extra-curricular sports teams that were coached by dads - and it was probably the best thing we could have ever done. We left his siblings, an older sister and two younger brothers, at the school because their classes and grade levels were great.

We knew about the other school by word of mouth from another family who had done the same thing we were looking to do. Basically it was a leap of faith for us based on the words of these other parents and meeting the administration and teachers of the new school. The grade level at the new school had a completely different vibe; the kids were HAPPY and we didn't see that at our son's grade level. We felt like it was a huge risk at the time - what if he didn't like it, what if the new school was filled with mean people also, what if our son felt ostracized or excluded by his siblings who had a common experience. Turns out he thrived and we would do it again in a heartbeat.

I don't know if we would have had the nerve to do it if we didn't know the other family. I'm not sure how they got the courage to do it first for that matter. I think that if we hadn't trusted the other family then rather than move only one kid we would have moved everyone, which would have been horrible because the other kids really liked their school.

It is a hard choice. In the OP's case the solution seems pretty obvious. In our son's case, he was getting by but he wasn't thriving and he wasn't waking up happy. We wanted back the little guy who used to bounce out of his bed, happy and confident. It took a year or two but he got his mojo back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are also considering a move for our DD. Definitely a significant amount of relational aggression in the grade and a divisional head who doesn’t want to deal with it. The “popular” girls are interested in topics more advanced than they should be for their age, etc

Can PPs who made a move successfully share process insights? The fear of the unknown is always hard. (DD has an older sibling who is happy at the school but the class dynamics and parent group are much better.)

I’m comfortable scoping out and assessing the academic part, but what did you do to figure out social dynamics and administrative / counselor strengths, school culture, etc?

Thanks in advance!