How would you feel about preschool teacher saying this?

[Anonymous]

If you’re so so very much better as an employer than the school, what are you worried about? In any case, no, DD’s teacher does not have any responsibility to her family that extends to not suggesting a job to her nanny.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are wrong.

OP, the nicest context I can give you is that you are pregnant and hormonal. The worst context is that you are the most conceited and self-centered person I have met in a long time.

The teacher invited your nanny TO APPLY. She is a good employee. She knows that the school needs more teachers and she sees a competent teacher who is only working part-time who might be interested in more full time work, so she invites her to apply. She is informing a person working part-time about a full-time position that may pay her more income. In general, working as a nanny is probably more lucrative than working in daycare, but that assumes that you are working similar hours. In this case, working full-time for a daycare may pay more than working part-time as a nanny. Or it could be better for her if they offer benefits to the daycare staff, like health insurance (in case you don't pay for that for your nanny). She did not cross a line. She isn't lobbying your nanny to apply. she informed your nanny that ther ewa. Crossing the line would be after telling her about the position, then if she doesn't apply, lobbying her in subsequent visits to reconsider and apply for the job and if the job is offered, lobbying her to take the job and quit from your family with little notice. If this job pays more money or offers more benefits, then you should be happy for her to get more than you can afford to pay her in either wages or benefits.

Frankly, describing a nanny leaving for another job as a traumatic experience for child is just completely overboard. If and when your nanny leaves and if your child is upset about it, then it is your job as a parent to use it as a teaching experience to learn to cope with loss. Seeing this action in such a completely myopic perspective that it is bad because it would be traumatic for your daughter is just completely self-centered and egotistical. It is basically saying that only you and your child's lives matter; the nanny's life does not matter. Are you planning to keep your nanny employed until she is ready to leave voluntarily or retire? No? Then you don't get to control when she hears about or considers other jobs. It isn't about you or your child. It's about the nanny doing what is right for her. As someone else put it so well, you don't own her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD's part-time nanny is a former preschool teacher and FANTASTIC. DD's preschool teacher sees nanny at pick-up and knows she's a former teacher because I mentioned it, but it's not like they are friends or even chat as teacher keeps pick-up really brief. Long story short, nanny went to one of DD's preschool activities so teacher saw nanny "in action" and apparently, teacher liked what she saw and suggested to nanny that she apply for a job at DD's preschool, mentioning they were taking applications. Teacher is essentially encouraging nanny to quit her job with us and I feel like that crossed a line. Am I wrong?

Exact same thing happened with our nanny at DD’s preschool. Not a big deal at all, OP, it’s a compliment. If your nanny is anything like our former nanny, she gets job offers all the time.

You are wrong. You do not own your nanny and she is not your property. Leave it to her to decline or accept.

[Anonymous]

In our community nannies make way more than preschool teachers, so it’s never been a threat that they’d switch over ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No different than in any other professions trying to poach good employees. Nannying and preschools seem more personal because it's childcare but it's the same.

OP here. If it were one of the other teachers, I would be annoyed, but not feel like a line was crossed. Shouldn't DD's preschool teacher feel a sense of responsibility to HER students and not encourage actions that would traumatize them?

Wait, who's traumatizing the kids? Traumatize?

Right??? I love that OP is totally farming out childcare of her own children to an hourly employee (presumably this had zero traumatizing effects on said children), but if that hourly employee then decides to pursue an opportunity to better her own employment situation, she is basically saying this would "traumatize" her children?? And she's going to blame the preschool teacher who mentioned the opportunity to the nanny for this?? Wow.

[Anonymous]

I may be in the minority here. But a lot of parents at my school use a nanny for pick ups. If nannies were approached at that point and asked to apply for a job at the school, parents would be annoyed. It’s just basic boundaries. Everyone knows good caregivers are hard to find, and searching is a huge time sink. You do not go around poaching from other people’s families and expect to stay on good terms. I see everyone’s points here, and they are totally valid. But I can’t see this being socially accepted behavior at our school, if only because it’s not good form to be the one actively encouraging a nanny to leave a family you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No different than in any other professions trying to poach good employees. Nannying and preschools seem more personal because it's childcare but it's the same.

OP here. If it were one of the other teachers, I would be annoyed, but not feel like a line was crossed. Shouldn't DD's preschool teacher feel a sense of responsibility to HER students and not encourage actions that would traumatize them?

Get a grip, it’s a job, your nanny is free to do what’s best for her professionally, just as you are. I’m also willing to bet that once your kid starts school full time that you will have no qualms about “traumatizing” your kid by shit-canning the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think the same thing I would about any job. If you are offered something better, you take it. It’s called life. Your nanny should definitely take the preschool job. You sound ...difficult.

Haha, I actually think I'm a much better employer than the school. I don't think the school treats its staff well and we are not planning to send DC2 there.

Gosh, do you think DC1 will be traumatized to learn that this subpar school was good enough for her, but, is too crappy for the precious DC2.

[Anonymous]

Like we are back at Mt. Vernon in 1790.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, this is nothing to be mad about. Day-cares are consistently short staffed. Nobody is going to be traumatized FFS, as you say. I hope your nanny applies and gets the job and they pay her more than you do! Because honestly if you are this nasty, why would she keep working for you?!

How am I being nasty? And no, I'm positive that the school won't pay her more than me on an hourly basis. Aside from the fact that I pay well, I know the teachers at this school are underpaid and given poor benefits. I wouldn't have sent DD to this school had I known, but she had already started there.

Every single preschool pays just about as little as they can get away with. 9-10$ per hour. If nanny was exited she probably needs more money. You are acting like she is an indentured servant and her service contract is not over yet. MY NANNY!

[Anonymous]

No, it does not cross a line.

Not everything revolves around your precious child, who is much more resilient than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No different than in any other professions trying to poach good employees. Nannying and preschools seem more personal because it's childcare but it's the same.

OP here. If it were one of the other teachers, I would be annoyed, but not feel like a line was crossed. Shouldn't DD's preschool teacher feel a sense of responsibility to HER students and not encourage actions that would traumatize them?

FFS.

You are beyond absurd. Get a grip, switching nannies won't traumatize your kids, you twit.

Did I ever say it would? Can you read? I've said multiple times that I think DD will be able to adapt to nanny leaving. I think it would be difficult for her to see nanny at school taking care of other kids without being given the time to adapt to nanny no longer being a central figure in her life.

With this logic, I would worry way more about your DD watching mommy take care of the new baby...you are really over the top here. Notice the consensus is that you were wrong and are being overly dramatic. It’s really rare for DCUM to agree about anything! But they seem to agree about this....

[Anonymous]

You are blowing this way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you 100% sure that taking the teaching job would require her to completely quit working for your family? I was in a similar situation and it has worked out wonderfully. Our nanny taught while my child was in a different class at the school.

Nanny was sounding hopeful that she could work at the school then easily pick DD up since they would be at the same school. But I think for that to work, I'd have to extend DD's day by an hour since I don't think any of the teachers' day ends right at pick-up.

Well, I don't know your school. In our case, right- the teacher/nanny's day did not end right at the time my childrens' day ended because there was some cleanup/prep for the next day involved. It wasn't an hour each day, more like 15-20 minutes after. My kids also went to school about 20 minutes early to "help" set up. They thought it was fun. The mostly played and sometimes did extra crafts. I think they liked being the only kids who got to be in the classrooms at those times. I didn't care because that's pretty much the same thing they would be doing with our nanny at home. I guess if that's a dealbreaker for you, then the teaching and nannying positions are mutually exclusive.

For what it's worth, I think it's a fair assumption by the preschool teacher that because your nanny works part time, she would be able to fill some of the hours she wasn't working without disrupting her arrangement with your family.

First, thanks for not roasting me like everyone else. Your kids' preschool sounds a lot more flexible than ours. I would be fine with extending DD's day by half an hour, I'd have to pay for a full hour, but I can certainly live with that. As to what the teacher assumed - DD's preschool is full-time and likewise, the teachers all work full days. I don't see how she could think that nanny would continue to work for our family even on a PT basis if she was working 40 hours/week at the school.

Yes, our preschool was different- it was a part time school where all the kids get dropped off and picked up at the same time. So we had a schedule, our nanny could take our oldest child to the bus stop, then take the other 2 kids to the preschool a bit early; they played while she set up; then they all went to class; then they played around a bit after dismissal; home for lunch and nap, if necessary or playdates, etc; then bus stop to pick up oldest kid. It sounds like what you're saying is that your nanny typically picks your child up from school at one time, say 4:30, but other kids don't get picked up until 5:30 and so your daughter would have to remain in her class, with you paying for the extra hour, until the nanny is off duty for this to work out. Right? I think that's harder but maybe still doable, but again I know that there are a lot of little things that go into orchestrating schedules. There were a few times when our arrangement was a pain but it worked because both sides were flexible.

I'm not going to roast you- I think traumatized is overstating it but that's been said. I guess what I would say is this- I hate being this person who is like, my kids are older, i know everything....but. As someone who had pretty thin skin and was easy to offend for most of my life, maybe take this as an opportunity to model better behavior for your kid. Trust me, as my kids got older there were plenty of times when they came home upset about something that happened at school, or a sports game, or they described something that seemed off to me. If you assume that people have ill will toward your kids or family in every one of these situations it's going to be a long road. Your daughter is 3- even if she's not the most resilient kid now, she has so much more time to build that skill and you can help her. If, worst case scenario, your nanny gets the job and is in a different class from your daughter every day, it's to your daughter's benefit to model good behavior. I am constantly telling my kids - and myself! - to assume the best of other people, to recognize that there are other kids and families with different needs, and to be happy for other people when something good happens, even if it wasn't the day when something good happened for you. You can help your daughter be excited about being the kid who introduced the nanny and the preschool and because of that the nanny has this great new opportunity to teach lots of kids instead of just one. She'll still get to see her every day and maybe have special dates if she babysits from time to time.

I get some of your displeasure- the preschool teacher probably wasn't thinking about the fact that she could be leaving your family in a bind with having to find another nanny. But honestly...it's kind of out of your control at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No different than in any other professions trying to poach good employees. Nannying and preschools seem more personal because it's childcare but it's the same.

OP here. If it were one of the other teachers, I would be annoyed, but not feel like a line was crossed. Shouldn't DD's preschool teacher feel a sense of responsibility to HER students and not encourage actions that would traumatize them?

FFS.

You are beyond absurd. Get a grip, switching nannies won't traumatize your kids, you twit.

Did I ever say it would? Can you read? I've said multiple times that I think DD will be able to adapt to nanny leaving. I think it would be difficult for her to see nanny at school taking care of other kids without being given the time to adapt to nanny no longer being a central figure in her life.

You literally said about that the action would traumatize her. You have lost all potential credibility at this point although that probably happened a few pages ago. Your nanny is PART TIME. You don't even pay her full time. The teacher was offering her a full-time job. Your child will be fine, and seeing her nanny "care for other children" isn't going to traumatize her. Honestly.