How are kids supposed to address professors? Dr., Professor, first name? Daughter got rude reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a manager who sees a lot of young professionals, I'd like to send that professor and advisor a thank you letter. If more undergraduate institutions were instilling professional norms, my job would be 100 times easier.

I can't believe how many of the young people in my workplace need to be coached not to address (very) senior officials by their first names. It is mindblowing, honestly.

This has everything to do with parenting, which many parents don't do anymore. They just coddle and are friends with their kids. Give them what they want. Expect nothing in return. The lack of basic manners in most kids are completely gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter claims basically all of her professors and faculty prefer first name basis. And that same majority are casual about emails, i.e. just say what you have to say, no need for the formal business format each email "Dear Dr. so and so, ... blah blah ... Best, kiddo."

But she casually called one professor by their first name and was sort of pulled to the side and chastised face to face. She did the same in an email response to an advisor and the advisor literally told her to meet her in the office later in the week. At the office she told her she needs to conduct herself with more professionalism. Calm down, Ms. Advisor.

Are the two outliers just obnoxious jerks or do they have a point?

Wonder where your child learned about professionalism and manners

+1

Sorry, but you probably already noticed that you and your daughter are absolutely wrong. Wake up, mommy.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, now you see the downside of you teaching your children to call your adult friends and neighbors by their first names, with no "Ms." or "Mr." or anything.

Sorry! But actually, from your continued attitude, I'm glad. You and your rude daughter will not get the extra-mile opportunities and second chances and thoughtfulness that comes from a relationship with a faculty member based on respect. My children will be reaping those rewards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know there have been a number of past DCUM threads in which great scorn was heaped upon PhDs who wanted to be called "Doctor" in the workplace. "Ha, only an insecure uptight aszhole wants to be called doctor just because they have a PhD!"

But now, apparently, it's all about the Respect and Professionalism...

And before everyone says academia is not the same as the workplace, in fact, adults in the workplace should show more respect and professionalism to other adults with credentials than students at university should show to their professors, not less. Presuming, at least, that adults in the workplace are more mature than college students.

Those threads were mostly talking about social situations, or a workplace in terms of colleagues referencing each other. OP's kid is not a colleague, and it's not a social situation. She is a student. Someone who, by definition, is much lower on the totem pole and is there to learn from those above her.

I have a PhD and would never expect (or want) to be referred to as Dr in a social situation. I don't even select that as my title when filling out forms at medical practices. I also don't expect the office staff or tech staff at the universities to call me anything other than my first name. However, if a student just waltzed in and started talking to a room full of academics as if she's meeting them in a bar then that doesn't give a good impression.

The professor is a well-paid employee, the student is the paying customer. Why does the student have to act like a servile throne sniffer?

Oh my. Do the millennials have kids in college already?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes they should be addressed as Professor, unless the prof says otherwise. Basic respect.

This. Always ALWAYS assume the most formal until told otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Spouse of a STEM professor here. Your DD should call any professor "Professor [surname]" unless invited to do otherwise, which probably won't happen until your DD gets a doctorate.

It's just good manners. Did your DD call her second grade teacher by his or her first name? Does your DD call you by your first name instead of mom? Probably not. Same idea.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a troll.

[Anonymous]

OP, your daughter is very rude and gauche. She needs to understand that she can't treat her college professors the way she treated her high school teachers because 1. her college profs do not care about her helicopter mommy's wrath, 2. your daughter is not, in fact, as special as (you insisted) everyone allowed her to believe in high school, and 3. she is making a fool of herself and will continue to do so into the workplace if she doesn't learn this now.

I was a TA in grad school. I asked students to call me by my first name because I was not a professor. However, professors were addressed as Dr. or Professor. Even as a grad student, the default method of addressing a prof was Dr. or Professor: presuming familiarity by defaulting to first name is breathtakingly rude.

[Anonymous]

I teach in a department where many professors aren't PhDs (fine/applied arts) so Dr. is not appropriate but students do seem to understand that. We all go by first names. That said, I will note that most of my best and most socially adept and mature students default to Professor X before I correct them to call me by my first name. Interestingly, I find that many foreign students persist in writing emails to Professor Firstname which is an interesting way to blend formality and familiarity. I don't correct them, as I think it's a cultural happy medium that is quite charming.

[Anonymous]

You and your daughter are wrong.

You can never go wrong with being more formal until invited to be casual. Everywhere, not just school. It makes a solid first impression.

I tell my students to call me by my first name because my last name is a bear, but inevitably they revert to dr or prof.

[Anonymous]

I'm still wondering why you even know about this. Helicopter much? Let the kid work it out on her own.

[Anonymous]

Here are some other tips for your daughter. When sending a professional email, for example when you’re looking for a job, always address the person as Ms. or Mr.

And don’t wear flip-flops to your internship. No shorts or mini skirts either.

[Anonymous]

I'm fine with being called by my first name, but if students are uncomfortable with that I want to be called Dr or Professor not Miss/Ms/Mrs and definitely not Ma'am. I tell students all this on the first day of class, remind them that they should not assume because we are on a first name basis that they should talk to me like a friend (no "I won't be in class because it was a crazy weekend"), and encourage them to always ask in situations where people are not clear about what they wish to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach in academia and the number of unprofessional emails I get is ridiculous.

Usually the first email a student sends should be addressed to Professor Last name. If the professor responds signing off with their first name, then it is fine to respond to that with a first name as well.

I get a lot of:
very casual
Hey,
I missed class yesterday, could you send me the notes and anything I missed?

Hey Larla,
Great class. Loved the pics you showed. I have to head out early next week - just wanted to let you know I won't be in class. Family thing.

or no greeting and just a sentence
When did you say the paper was due?

or text speak
Hi,
Can u tell me who I talk 2 about the marking?

or just poor professionalism
Professor,
I couldn't come to class or office hours but I don't understand the assignment. Can you answer my questions here by email, I can't find the answers in the textbook. Lists questions that were all covered in the lecture
Thanks in advance

We now have an email policy that students are supposed to follow - few do. It tells them how to write a proper email.

Why does a so-called unprofessional email bother you? It sounds like you're conflating unprofessional with direct and brevity. I prefer my emails, both sent and received, get straight to the point. Who the heck has time for greetings and closing every email? Who wants to even read all of it? It's so extra, it's pointless, it actually annoys me and fatigues my eyes to have to scroll. It's very petty if this bothers you. Modern communication is short and to the point and often via iPhone. All of this formalness has gone the way of the dodo bird and execs wearing suits and ties. Everything is casual. We're all equals. Get with the times.

It's not petty at all. It's extremely unprofessional to send a casual email to a professor. You wouldn't do it to your boss; so don't do it to your professor.

Part of college (and high school and any school for that matter) is there to get students prepared for the real world. Your professor or boss is not your friend. You write a clear professional style email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your daughter is very rude and gauche. She needs to understand that she can't treat her college professors the way she treated her high school teachers because 1. her college profs do not care about her helicopter mommy's wrath, 2. your daughter is not, in fact, as special as (you insisted) everyone allowed her to believe in high school, and 3. she is making a fool of herself and will continue to do so into the workplace if she doesn't learn this now.

I was a TA in grad school. I asked students to call me by my first name because I was not a professor. However, professors were addressed as Dr. or Professor. Even as a grad student, the default method of addressing a prof was Dr. or Professor: presuming familiarity by defaulting to first name is breathtakingly rude.

A helicopter parent would make sure their child addressed people properly.