Access to kids, why do you feel entitled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of young kids (4 and 1) and I think grandparents have every right to expect a relationship and time with their grandchildren. As a parent, you can ofcourse deny them that - but absent a legitimate reason (abusive, mean or dangerous behavior), grandparents are also a child's family and can expect to have a relationship with their grandchildren.

Thank you. My parents worked hard to raise me and they deserve the reward of seeing my children. It would be an act of aggression and hostility toward them to deny them that.

And how about if your parents didn't work hard to raise you? How about if they caused you much pain and made things very difficult for you? How about if they were still a negative influence in your life as an adult? Would you still have over your children to them as "rewards" ?

Not everyone had great parents and happy children and many times these same parents do feel "entitled" to grandparent time.

No one buy my husband and myself is "entitled" to time or a relationship with our children. If we don't find someone to be positive influence in our lives that has LOVE and kindness to offer, And is actively causing damage and stress to our nuclear family unit, i don't feel there is any reason for that person to be a part of our lives- extended family or not.

[Anonymous]

I think that this seldom if ever has anything to do with parents being controlling or aggressive. Being able to drop your kids off at a relative's house is a godsend!

I actually love visiting the in laws because we stay in a hotel. MIL will always offer/ask for us to just leave the kids with her for a day and DH and I can go do things on our own. DH's aunt lives near us and the kids do not like her. She always wants them and we have to say no because the kids get so upset. To be fair to the kids, we don't like her either. I'm sure that she thinks that we are controlling or selfish or anything other than she is isn't pleasant to be around.

If you are one of the people who is angry that you aren't getting access to other people's kids, you really need to look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of young kids (4 and 1) and I think grandparents have every right to expect a relationship and time with their grandchildren. As a parent, you can ofcourse deny them that - but absent a legitimate reason (abusive, mean or dangerous behavior), grandparents are also a child's family and can expect to have a relationship with their grandchildren.

Thank you. My parents worked hard to raise me and they deserve the reward of seeing my children. It would be an act of aggression and hostility toward them to deny them that.

And how about if your parents didn't work hard to raise you? How about if they caused you much pain and made things very difficult for you? How about if they were still a negative influence in your life as an adult? Would you still have over your children to them as "rewards" ?

Not everyone had great parents and happy children and many times these same parents do feel "entitled" to grandparent time.

No one buy my husband and myself is "entitled" to time or a relationship with our children. If we don't find someone to be positive influence in our lives that has LOVE and kindness to offer, And is actively causing damage and stress to our nuclear family unit, i don't feel there is any reason for that person to be a part of our lives- extended family or not.

NP +1. Except I’d say actively or passively.

[Anonymous]

You don't own your children. Beware of restricting their relationship with grandparents who adore them. Kids grow up fast and will make their own decisions soon enough. Your possessiveness is very likely to backfire on you or be emulated by your own children, shutting you out. What goes around comes around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adore my grandkids and will take them any time I can get them! Thankfully, my kids are more than willing to let me have them. It’s a win/win. They get to spend some time together as a couple. Or run errands, go to appointments, etc. And I get to spend time with the most amazing little people on the planet. I don’t feel “entitled”. Just very, very grateful.

This!

I often tell my DD and her husband that their children's time is a gift to me. I mean it. It gives them time to be a couple and I get one on one time with my beloved grandsons. This relationship has now proved essential in the face of serious illness.
Extended families are a blessing, a mixed one at times, but a blessing all the same.

[Anonymous]

You don't own your children. Beware of restricting their relationship with grandparents who adore them. Kids grow up fast and will make their own decisions soon enough. Your possessiveness is very likely to backfire on you or be emulated by your own children, shutting you out. What goes around comes around.

You sound like one of the people that shouldn't have access to someone else's kids. Grandparents or extended relatives may "adore" them but if they are toxic people, bad mouth the parents, the kid s don't want to be with them, or they are not trustworthy then it really doesn't matter that you adore them now does it? Your hoping and threatening that the kids will turn on their parents and run into your arms when they are adults is very delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many posts about grandparents demanding access, expecting unreasonable access, or getting competitive over access to kids. Sometimes its other relatives as well. I do not understand this. Why on earth do you feel entitled to someone else's children? Kids are not objects or a prize. You clearly are not the parent.

I'm curious why this is so pervasive.

I don’t feel entitled. I offer and my kids are happy with overnight sleepovers....for days at a time. Stop painting with your broad brush.

[Anonymous]

Then there's posts about healthy and wealthy grandparents who aren't interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then there's posts about healthy and wealthy grandparents who aren't interested.

Somewhere between uninterested and entitled/pouty/rabid is a sweet spot of respectful, loving and engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore my grandkids and will take them any time I can get them! Thankfully, my kids are more than willing to let me have them. It’s a win/win. They get to spend some time together as a couple. Or run errands, go to appointments, etc. And I get to spend time with the most amazing little people on the planet. I don’t feel “entitled”. Just very, very grateful.

This!

I often tell my DD and her husband that their children's time is a gift to me. I mean it. It gives them time to be a couple and I get one on one time with my beloved grandsons. This relationship has now proved essential in the face of serious illness.
Extended families are a blessing, a mixed one at times, but a blessing all the same.

You are a wonderful grandparent and your children are lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then there's posts about healthy and wealthy grandparents who aren't interested.

Somewhere between uninterested and entitled/pouty/rabid is a sweet spot of respectful, loving and engaged.

Yes. After a few rough years with my parents that's what we ended up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the aunt. And I feel entitled because my brother complains about his daughter having so little family. Well, knock knock! I'm here, and I'm reaching out, and you're always too busy for me to spend time with her.

So I'll keep asking. And when she's older and can read, I will send my niece letters that include "I hope we can get together this month - ask Daddy to call me!" to prompt her to ask to play with me.

No, sorry. My brother is distant and we don’t have a relationship with his family (even though they and his wife would love one). Even though I don’t understand or agree with his reasoning, I would never contact his kids without his consent. It’s beyond disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You don't own your children. Beware of restricting their relationship with grandparents who adore them. Kids grow up fast and will make their own decisions soon enough. Your possessiveness is very likely to backfire on you or be emulated by your own children, shutting you out. What goes around comes around.

You sound like one of the people that shouldn't have access to someone else's kids. Grandparents or extended relatives may "adore" them but if they are toxic people, bad mouth the parents, the kid s don't want to be with them, or they are not trustworthy then it really doesn't matter that you adore them now does it? Your hoping and threatening that the kids will turn on their parents and run into your arms when they are adults is very delusional.

+1. Also, as a child whose parentsdisagreed on this and one caved to spending time with with the grandparent in question-I grew up and I understand why the other parent disn’t want us around them and we are all still upset with the parent who enabled it. Lifelong damage occured from the exposure. Ffs, no grandparent or relative is entitled to see someone’s kids, including their own grandkids. Behaving badly should get you cut off.

[Anonymous]

Can those of us with disinterested grandparents swap with those of you that don’t want to see them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can those of us with disinterested grandparents swap with those of you that don’t want to see them?

Because of course these grandparents are super sweet, loving and responsible people. Sure, go ahead, let my inlaws babysit your kids. Maybe they'll scream at each other and threaten violence in front of your kids, too. Oh and maybe also they'll think it's super fine to allow an alleged child molester to hang out with your children. It'd be easier for us if they were disinterested!