Access to kids, why do you feel entitled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is in the approach.

My MIL can come over anytime and visit. Hell, I’ll glady leave the house! But she will call and say, “When can I HAVE Mary and Bill?” They aren’t possessions.

To each his own. I’d love my MIL to call and ask for my kids. She lives 10 mins away but is far to busy with aquacise, birdwatching, garden club, and supper club to have any time for my kids except for the rare day it suits her for 2 hours.

So she has a full, active life, and you're mad she won't offer more free babysitting. You'd be complaining if she had too much free time and was always bugging you to spend time with her or depended on you for her social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is in the approach.

My MIL can come over anytime and visit. Hell, I’ll glady leave the house! But she will call and say, “When can I HAVE Mary and Bill?” They aren’t possessions.

So grandma can only see the kids are your house? And you withhold contact because you don't like the way she asks? Wow.

If you find no one in the family wants to spend time with your kids even though they are generally loving people who live within regular visiting distance look to how you act around them. If every time your sister wants to take the kids out for fun and you're all..."but no sugar, no sun, no TV time, check with me before you take them to any new place, don't give them any non-organic food, they need to be in bed by 8..." Obviously I'm being too much with it but some of you squeeze ALL the joy out of spending time with your kids. It's like you're so determined to prove to the world that YOU'RE THE MOMMY BY GOD AND YOU'LL CALL THE SHOTS EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY AND INTERACTION that you're guaranteeing your kids will never be close to anyone but you. Maybe that's your goal?

So glad my brothers aren't like this. I have so much fun with my nieces and nephews and they know they have two other adults (my DH) in their lives who love and adore them.

I never said that, don’t put words in my mouth. And yes, she can come to my house if she wants to see them. Just like my parents do. If she invites us all over, we visit her, but when she calls and demands access, she has to come over to receive. Sorry! I work and have other things going on. But I never deny access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is in the approach.

My MIL can come over anytime and visit. Hell, I’ll glady leave the house! But she will call and say, “When can I HAVE Mary and Bill?” They aren’t possessions.

To each his own. I’d love my MIL to call and ask for my kids. She lives 10 mins away but is far to busy with aquacise, birdwatching, garden club, and supper club to have any time for my kids except for the rare day it suits her for 2 hours.

So she has a full, active life, and you're mad she won't offer more free babysitting. You'd be complaining if she had too much free time and was always bugging you to spend time with her or depended on you for her social life.

Ok fine but then she has no right to be pissed that we have plans the 2 hours a month she makes time for us. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

I think having grandparents involved is a wonderful things, but too struggle with boundaries being pushed. When plans are made with my tween months ahead without my knowledge I get frustrated. Things like oh by the way we are going away for a week in the summer in another state. Umm why wasn't I approached about this, as it doesn't work with the custody agreement or our summer plans. Same idea repeats with making plans with child well in advance and then springing it on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is in the approach.

My MIL can come over anytime and visit. Hell, I’ll glady leave the house! But she will call and say, “When can I HAVE Mary and Bill?” They aren’t possessions.

To each his own. I’d love my MIL to call and ask for my kids. She lives 10 mins away but is far to busy with aquacise, birdwatching, garden club, and supper club to have any time for my kids except for the rare day it suits her for 2 hours.

So she has a full, active life, and you're mad she won't offer more free babysitting. You'd be complaining if she had too much free time and was always bugging you to spend time with her or depended on you for her social life.

Ok fine but then she has no right to be pissed that we have plans the 2 hours a month she makes time for us. See how that works?

PREACH! This is so the same problem we deal with every time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is in the approach.

My MIL can come over anytime and visit. Hell, I’ll glady leave the house! But she will call and say, “When can I HAVE Mary and Bill?” They aren’t possessions.

Oh, chill. She’s asking permission and asking for a good time. It’s a word. Relax.

[Anonymous]

My mother wants to see her grandkids when it suits her. She travels to DC once a year to hang out with her friends, she used to live here. She expects us to drop everything on a Saturday or Sunday and drive 30 miles to Wiehle-Reston metro to pick her up (we live in Clark County), as she does not drive. She does not want to see me (I am the bad daughter) and expects me to leave my house, so she can spend time with her grandkids. She does not have any other contact with them during the year. I am thinking we will be very busy this weekend and unable to accommodate her schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother wants to see her grandkids when it suits her. She travels to DC once a year to hang out with her friends, she used to live here. She expects us to drop everything on a Saturday or Sunday and drive 30 miles to Wiehle-Reston metro to pick her up (we live in Clark County), as she does not drive. She does not want to see me (I am the bad daughter) and expects me to leave my house, so she can spend time with her grandkids. She does not have any other contact with them during the year. I am thinking we will be very busy this weekend and unable to accommodate her schedule.

Wow, as it sounds like your home would be warm and welcoming too!

How often do you travel to where she is? I’m assuming never, considering 30 miles is unsurmountable for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother wants to see her grandkids when it suits her. She travels to DC once a year to hang out with her friends, she used to live here. She expects us to drop everything on a Saturday or Sunday and drive 30 miles to Wiehle-Reston metro to pick her up (we live in Clark County), as she does not drive. She does not want to see me (I am the bad daughter) and expects me to leave my house, so she can spend time with her grandkids. She does not have any other contact with them during the year. I am thinking we will be very busy this weekend and unable to accommodate her schedule.

Wow, as it sounds like your home would be warm and welcoming too!

How often do you travel to where she is? I’m assuming never, considering 30 miles is unsurmountable for you.

Oh....pp here--my mother does not want to see me at all....we have not spoken for three years....just the grandkids at her convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I wish our families were like this. You are very fortunate to have this problem.

+1 Damn. I'd love for my kids to have involved grandparents but it's just not in the cards for us. My mom has dementia and my dad is overwhelmed. My in laws live outside the country. If your children have a loving extended family, embrace that and be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the aunt. And I feel entitled because my brother complains about his daughter having so little family. Well, knock knock! I'm here, and I'm reaching out, and you're always too busy for me to spend time with her.

So I'll keep asking. And when she's older and can read, I will send my niece letters that include "I hope we can get together this month - ask Daddy to call me!" to prompt her to ask to play with me.

Ok creepy. Sounds like your brother doesn’t like you or doesn’t trust you with the kid. The fact that you would even think of writing that letter to a child is a red flag

My sister does stuff like this. Drives me batty. And when she asks the kids directly if they would like to do something g they always say yes but more often then not they later tell me they would rather not. They just don’t like being put on the spot.

[Anonymous]

I adore my grandkids and will take them any time I can get them! Thankfully, my kids are more than willing to let me have them. It’s a win/win. They get to spend some time together as a couple. Or run errands, go to appointments, etc. And I get to spend time with the most amazing little people on the planet. I don’t feel “entitled”. Just very, very grateful.

[Anonymous]

I agree with one of the PP that its a problem when some relatives act like the kids are possessions and their feelings shouldn't be respected. People who demand access or act entitled are out for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Try being divorced, then having out of town ex-ILs not tell you they're coming, then demand to have your kids while they're visiting during your time.

Not only did you not coordinate with me, your son won't allow me to switch days. So I'm either the shitty parent for not wanting to lose time with my kid, or I feel shitty because I allow them to go, and allows the jerks to walk all over me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm the aunt. And I feel entitled because my brother complains about his daughter having so little family. Well, knock knock! I'm here, and I'm reaching out, and you're always too busy for me to spend time with her.

So I'll keep asking. And when she's older and can read, I will send my niece letters that include "I hope we can get together this month - ask Daddy to call me!" to prompt her to ask to play with me.


Ok creepy. Sounds like your brother doesn’t like you or doesn’t trust you with the kid. The fact that you would even think of writing that letter to a child is a red flag


My sister does stuff like this. Drives me batty. And when she asks the kids directly if they would like to do something g they always say yes but more often then not they later tell me they would rather not. They just don’t like being put on the spot.

I deal with this and my great aunt in-law. She is constantly demanding access and the kids want nothing to do with her. She will go directly to them. They'll try saying that they have to ask their mom or dad. Her response is oh we'll go over together and tell mommy how much you want to do XYZ with me. Now make sure to sound super excited. I will be RIGHT next to you. It freaks them out. They are not good liars and I can always tell when something is up because they are trying to make eye and hand movements that I will see and she won't. They aren't very subtle or good at this so its quite obvious and we tell her no. In the car, they are always profusely grateful for us saving them from aunt crazy pants. We've started having to practice what do want crazy pants corners them and how to politely say no and stand their ground or come find us. The funniest is one time when she was pulling this again with my youngest. One of the getaway tricks is to say I have to go to the bathroom. I see my youngest DS all of sudden yell I have to poop NOW and run out of the room. It was hysterical because some relatives knew what was going on and others just thought well when you have to go, you have to go.

Her behavior has really made DH, myself and now our kids intensely dislike her. At some point, I think we'll just forego trying to be polite and civil with her and use some well chosen four letter words.