Girls Who Don't Like Dresses

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think some ensembles with pants look more formal than some dresses. It really depends on the fabric and the cut. There are great pants options, so no need to fret about her not wearing dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

No, actually, you don't. It's 2019. If this kid doesn't want to wear dresses for whatever reason, she doesn't have to. There are formal options out there beyond dresses. It's on us as decent human beings to push back against this crap.

Just because you have to suck it up for court or non-casual weddings doesn't mean a kid has to suck it up for a formal event. The latter in particular is your issue; I've seen many women wearing elegant jumpsuits to fancy weddings, and they fit right in.

OP, it may not even be a gender identity issue, it may just be a comfort thing. But let her shop where she's comfortable. I'd back you.

[Anonymous]

My daughter hates dresses. Started around 6. She’s now nearly 9 and hasn’t budged on the issue.

But. She does dance. So if she wants to perform, she has to wear the dress. She agreed to be flower girl in her uncle’s wedding. She has to wear what they want her to wear. There are circumstances that are non negotiable if she wants to be part of whatever the activity is. Otherwise, I don’t force the issue. If we have a formal event I get her nice pants and a blouse or sweater set or culottes and a nice top for warmer weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hates dresses. Started around 6. She’s now nearly 9 and hasn’t budged on the issue.

But. She does dance. So if she wants to perform, she has to wear the dress. She agreed to be flower girl in her uncle’s wedding. She has to wear what they want her to wear. There are circumstances that are non negotiable if she wants to be part of whatever the activity is. Otherwise, I don’t force the issue. If we have a formal event I get her nice pants and a blouse or sweater set or culottes and a nice top for warmer weather.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out primary.com. Most of their stuff is unisex and comes in a variety of colors -- no designs, no gender stereotyping. They have some dresses that are super comfortable (organic cotton, not fancy), and I can convince even my dress-hating DD to wear one when necessary.

Agree, I've purchased from Primary before, and as of yesterday they were having a sale. Most of their stuff is good-quality cotton. Not sure if your DD will find it too plain (we use it for school uniform polos, our school is somewhat lax on the colors/shapes, as long as it's green).

[Anonymous]

One of the best dressed women (at least IMO) at my black tie wedding was wearing a gorgeous pantsuit. My own mother, who is the biggest stickler for etiquette I know, has been wearing dressy palazzo pants with fancy tops to formal events for the last 35 years. Unless the activity has a specific "uniform", such as a dance costume, that all participants agree to wear as part of their participation, there is no reason why a female has to wear a skirt to anything just because antiquated societal norms say so. There are many very attractive formal non-skirt/dress options out there.

[Anonymous]

I don't like or wear dresses either. Never have. I'd get her some black pants and a cute polo (probably from Primary, I like their stuff) in a cheery color. Good to go!

[Anonymous]

I'm PP above. I also was a 'tomboy' and even now, work a job where are uniforms are unisex. No gender issues ever-I'm a married mom of 6!

[Anonymous]

I have a 7yo DD like this. For Easter she wore khaki pants and a teal blue ( boys) button down dress shirt with a bow tie. She looked super cute.
I have struggled with dresses for special occasions but we are a 2 Mom family and we literally don't own any dresses. When I talked to her about wearing one she asked why we don't have to. I think she had a valid point so now I just ask myself what would I dress a boy in for the same occasion and kind of go with that.

[Anonymous]

Above PP again. I used to consider myself a tomboy but now I hate the word. It implies that the things girls want to do that are boyish are only for boys. So why is a girl that hates dresses a tomboy, why is a girl who likes to play rough or climb trees a tomboy. We need to change our thinking, that these are boy activities in the first place.

[Anonymous]

It's prom season and I just saw a girl in a white suit pant suit. She had a sequin too big you could do something more 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

No, actually, you don't. It's 2019. If this kid doesn't want to wear dresses for whatever reason, she doesn't have to. There are formal options out there beyond dresses. It's on us as decent human beings to push back against this crap.

Just because you have to suck it up for court or non-casual weddings doesn't mean a kid has to suck it up for a formal event. The latter in particular is your issue; I've seen many women wearing elegant jumpsuits to fancy weddings, and they fit right in.

OP, it may not even be a gender identity issue, it may just be a comfort thing. But let her shop where she's comfortable. I'd back you.

??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

No, actually, you don't. It's 2019. If this kid doesn't want to wear dresses for whatever reason, she doesn't have to. There are formal options out there beyond dresses. It's on us as decent human beings to push back against this crap.

Just because you have to suck it up for court or non-casual weddings doesn't mean a kid has to suck it up for a formal event. The latter in particular is your issue; I've seen many women wearing elegant jumpsuits to fancy weddings, and they fit right in.

OP, it may not even be a gender identity issue, it may just be a comfort thing. But let her shop where she's comfortable. I'd back you.

??????

Oops those were supposed to be hearts. ThAnk you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 7yo DD like this. For Easter she wore khaki pants and a teal blue ( boys) button down dress shirt with a bow tie. She looked super cute.
I have struggled with dresses for special occasions but we are a 2 Mom family and we literally don't own any dresses. When I talked to her about wearing one she asked why we don't have to. I think she had a valid point so now I just ask myself what would I dress a boy in for the same occasion and kind of go with that.

Great advice & that sounds adorable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Above PP again. I used to consider myself a tomboy but now I hate the word. It implies that the things girls want to do that are boyish are only for boys. So why is a girl that hates dresses a tomboy, why is a girl who likes to play rough or climb trees a tomboy. We need to change our thinking, that these are boy activities in the first place.

OP here, I 100% agree. I hate the word as well. Very unfortunately, her older brother said this word to her and it stuck (for her).