Girls Who Don't Like Dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

Mi don’t really agree...I’ve just seen so many women at formal events in beautiful pants (brocade, silk, etc) and formal jackets and blouses. Even brides. Only in very conservative circles would anyone even notice that a woman is wearing something other than a dress or skirt.

Huh. Not been my experience at all and we are not at all conservative in political or religious terms. The only women I see at formal events who are dressed in pants are older women, like 60+. Everyone else is wearing dresses. Now going out to eat at a fancy restaurant, sure, I see lots of younger women in nice pants. But at weddings? Rarely.

In fact I frequently am surprised at how many parents send their kids to day care / preschool /playground in a dress. My daughter looks adorable in dresses but we save them for special occasions. The rest of the time she's in pants or long shorts and a cute top that covers her butt but is not much longer, so that it doesn't get in her way when she climbs or jumps or rolls. But my 5 year old son's classmates wear dresses all the time, which I find surprising. And really fancy dresses too, sometimes.

I am one of the posters who hated dresses as a kid and still wear them as infrequently as possible. But I guess I am somewhat conservative in the sense that I think there are some ways in which clothing is more or less appropriate. I don't like bra straps showing. I don't like underwear showing. I don't think it's appropriate to hang out in the library wearing a swimsuit and a lace see-through coverup. I wouldn't let my son wear a dress to a fancy event or my daughter wear pants to one. In everyday life on the playground, sure, they can wear whatever, so long as they are decently covered and appropriate for the weather and activity level. But when they are actually getting dressed up for a formal occasion, nope. There are some conventions around clothing that I don't have any problem following.

To each her own, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

Mi don’t really agree...I’ve just seen so many women at formal events in beautiful pants (brocade, silk, etc) and formal jackets and blouses. Even brides. Only in very conservative circles would anyone even notice that a woman is wearing something other than a dress or skirt.

Huh. Not been my experience at all and we are not at all conservative in political or religious terms. The only women I see at formal events who are dressed in pants are older women, like 60+. Everyone else is wearing dresses. Now going out to eat at a fancy restaurant, sure, I see lots of younger women in nice pants. But at weddings? Rarely.

In fact I frequently am surprised at how many parents send their kids to day care / preschool /playground in a dress. My daughter looks adorable in dresses but we save them for special occasions. The rest of the time she's in pants or long shorts and a cute top that covers her butt but is not much longer, so that it doesn't get in her way when she climbs or jumps or rolls. But my 5 year old son's classmates wear dresses all the time, which I find surprising. And really fancy dresses too, sometimes.

I am one of the posters who hated dresses as a kid and still wear them as infrequently as possible. But I guess I am somewhat conservative in the sense that I think there are some ways in which clothing is more or less appropriate. I don't like bra straps showing. I don't like underwear showing. I don't think it's appropriate to hang out in the library wearing a swimsuit and a lace see-through coverup. I wouldn't let my son wear a dress to a fancy event or my daughter wear pants to one. In everyday life on the playground, sure, they can wear whatever, so long as they are decently covered and appropriate for the weather and activity level. But when they are actually getting dressed up for a formal occasion, nope. There are some conventions around clothing that I don't have any problem following.

To each her own, obviously.

Those things are not at all the same. Showing undergarments or wearing swimwear to the library are not remotely comparable to wearing silk pants and a nice top to a fancy event. And kids are rarely at actual formal occasions, and if they are, boys shouldn't be wearing khakis and polo shirts, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

Mi don’t really agree...I’ve just seen so many women at formal events in beautiful pants (brocade, silk, etc) and formal jackets and blouses. Even brides. Only in very conservative circles would anyone even notice that a woman is wearing something other than a dress or skirt.

Huh. Not been my experience at all and we are not at all conservative in political or religious terms. The only women I see at formal events who are dressed in pants are older women, like 60+. Everyone else is wearing dresses. Now going out to eat at a fancy restaurant, sure, I see lots of younger women in nice pants. But at weddings? Rarely.

In fact I frequently am surprised at how many parents send their kids to day care / preschool /playground in a dress. My daughter looks adorable in dresses but we save them for special occasions. The rest of the time she's in pants or long shorts and a cute top that covers her butt but is not much longer, so that it doesn't get in her way when she climbs or jumps or rolls. But my 5 year old son's classmates wear dresses all the time, which I find surprising. And really fancy dresses too, sometimes.

I am one of the posters who hated dresses as a kid and still wear them as infrequently as possible. But I guess I am somewhat conservative in the sense that I think there are some ways in which clothing is more or less appropriate. I don't like bra straps showing. I don't like underwear showing. I don't think it's appropriate to hang out in the library wearing a swimsuit and a lace see-through coverup. I wouldn't let my son wear a dress to a fancy event or my daughter wear pants to one. In everyday life on the playground, sure, they can wear whatever, so long as they are decently covered and appropriate for the weather and activity level. But when they are actually getting dressed up for a formal occasion, nope. There are some conventions around clothing that I don't have any problem following.

To each her own, obviously.

I'm one of the PPs who has hated dresses my whole life. I've decided that 45 is my cut-off for dress wearing -- after that, I'm gettin me some dressy pants suits!

[Anonymous]

I have close friends who had exactly this issue with their daughter. All of the suggestions above sound helpful, and this is probably just a passing thing for your daughter or - if not - more of a fashion statement than something else.
But my friend's daughter is now their son after facing some serious life-changing moments.

[Anonymous]

Re: girls not willing to wear dresses and later gender change, see "Balls, a Memoir About Transcending Genre by Chris Edwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have close friends who had exactly this issue with their daughter. All of the suggestions above sound helpful, and this is probably just a passing thing for your daughter or - if not - more of a fashion statement than something else.
But my friend's daughter is now their son after facing some serious life-changing moments.

That's always a possibility, but there are many more tomboys than transgender boys out there. I would not jump to conclusions based on not wanting to wear dresses. If I were a teen now, I'm sure I'd identify as some kind of gender rebel - but that would be based entirely on not wanting to feel like I had to perform femininity in a certain way (particularly manner of dress); not because I wanted to be a boy! I've never, ever wanted to be a boy.

[Anonymous]

My K daughter chose a boy’s blazer, colorful cords, a white button down, sparkle high tops and a tie to a formal school event during the winter. When she said she didn’t want to wear a dress I said no problem but you do have to fit the occasion which she totally did as the boys all had similar outfits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have close friends who had exactly this issue with their daughter. All of the suggestions above sound helpful, and this is probably just a passing thing for your daughter or - if not - more of a fashion statement than something else.
But my friend's daughter is now their son after facing some serious life-changing moments.

Yes, I’m definitely aware that at some point this could me more. However, I don’t think we/she will know/understand whether this is a passing thing or something more for a long time to come. I want to be supportive in any way possible for her of course but I think it’s too early to know this.

[Anonymous]

PP here...look for colorful pants in greens, blues and reds at H&M, lands end, gapkids online, crew cuts online, and target online...both boy and girl sections. Think riding pants and a blazer sort of outfit. I got the blazer and tie in boys section of target online.

[Anonymous]

Was at a wedding recently and a boy was wearing a white vest with white pants and a colorful button-down shirt (very JOhn travolta look). Would totally work for a girl.

Also there were many stylish twenty something women in dressy pants (mostly jumpsuits).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think any of the outfits that people have mentioned would be fine. As for only finding pink and purple, I've not had trouble finding different colors at Gap, Old Navy, Tea, J. Crew, Target and any number of kids' clothing places. My DD's favorite color is turquoise, and she refuses to wear any pink. She's not particularly tomboyish, but she's 8 turning 9 and she associates pink with little girls and it's too "babyish". So your options for clothing may expand as your DD gets a little older -- very few 8 and 9 yos want to look ultra-girly and princessy.

same here! 8 year old girly girl. favorite color - teal, considers pink babyish. likes to open up gray, black, navy outfits with bright colors (but not pink).

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter just like yours, OP, and even write an article about it that went viral a couple of years ago. My daughter is seven now and is a little less doctrinaire about her clothes than she once was, but she will never, ever wear a skirt or dress. Jumpsuits are our saving grace for special events; we’ve found good ones occasionally at Old Navy, but our go to is Boden, especially around the holidays. Even now that it’s summer they have some options that could work. Check them out:

https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/girls-playsuits-jumpsuits

[Anonymous]

Will she wear a tunic? A nice tunic and black leggings could work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

And women should stay in the home and cook and clean and be subservient to her man husband? Times are changing, I went to a black tie wedding and two women attended in (zomg!) pants. Get over it Anna Winter, women can wear what they want. Your mother is looking over your shoulder to check your apron is tied correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think any of the outfits that people have mentioned would be fine. As for only finding pink and purple, I've not had trouble finding different colors at Gap, Old Navy, Tea, J. Crew, Target and any number of kids' clothing places. My DD's favorite color is turquoise, and she refuses to wear any pink. She's not particularly tomboyish, but she's 8 turning 9 and she associates pink with little girls and it's too "babyish". So your options for clothing may expand as your DD gets a little older -- very few 8 and 9 yos want to look ultra-girly and princessy.

same here! 8 year old girly girl. favorite color - teal, considers pink babyish. likes to open up gray, black, navy outfits with bright colors (but not pink).

My nine year old tells me NOONE wears pink anymore.