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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; [b]when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt.[/b] You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."[/quote]

Why?  Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt?  There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc.  Let the kid wear what she wants.  Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable.  Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.[/quote]

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. [b]Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. [/b]I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc. [/quote]

No, actually, you don't.  It's 2019.  If this kid doesn't want to wear dresses for whatever reason, she doesn't have to.  There are formal options out there beyond dresses.  It's on us as decent human beings to push back against this crap.

Just because you have to suck it up for court or non-casual weddings doesn't mean a kid has to suck it up for a formal event.  The latter in particular is your issue; I've seen many women wearing elegant jumpsuits to fancy weddings, and they fit right in.

OP, it may not even be a gender identity issue, it may just be a comfort thing.  But let her shop where she's comfortable.  I'd back you. :)[/quote]

??????[/quote]

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