Girls Who Don't Like Dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will she wear a skort?

I was your child and when my girl friends introduced me to a skort my life was changed.

https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/oneill-nevada-wide-leg-pants-little-girls-big-girls/5222199?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FKids%2FGirls&color=grape%20nectar

Also something like this...

Definitely a hard no on the skort. It's a similar look to a skirt/dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is now 12 and has never like dresses or skirts. But sometimes in life we have to wear things we don't necessarily like. It's not for all day.

I disagree, there is no reason to ever wear a dress. There are lots of other options. I am 43 now and have not worn a dress or skirt since I was 6, I just don’t like them. There is no need to force a girl to wear a dress just because that is what girls “should do”.

I feel the same, I'm just frustrated at the options out there! She can't even get superhero underwear for goodness' sake! (They only make superhero girls and Captain Marvel because she's a girl, and many of them are pink/purple).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Thank you for saying this, it's a good point. Clearly I need to just let her "fully" shop in the boys department if that's what she wants. I wasn't quite looking at it that way.

[Anonymous]

A nice blouse, pants, and maybe a blazer should work well. Women and girls don't have to wear a skirt or dress to be "dressed up."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that black pants is probably fine for most dressy events. My girls liked dresses and I still made sure they always had black pants and a white shirt, because they were basics. In your case, the shirt doesn't have to be white, just something at least as dressy as a polo.

If you feel that black trousers aren't dressy enough, you might try a split skirt (gauchos, culottes). That's what my dd wore when she played cello and wanted to match the rest of the girls in the orchestra.

I've seen musicians with the BSO wearing black split skirts/very wide-legged pants for concerts. Totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nice blouse, pants, and maybe a blazer should work well. Women and girls don't have to wear a skirt or dress to be "dressed up."

+1

Nice dress pants are entirely appropriate for dressy occasions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nice blouse, pants, and maybe a blazer should work well. Women and girls don't have to wear a skirt or dress to be "dressed up."

+1

Nice dress pants are entirely appropriate for dressy occasions.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

[Anonymous]

I was like your daughter growing up, hated hated hated dresses and skirts. I wore culottes when available, though they weren't really a thing. I shopped for pants and shirts in the boys' department and cut frills off things a lot. I'm straight and female, FWIW, just have never cared for annoying ruffly things and have never wanted anyone to say I looked "cute."

There are some good suggestions here, and that romper is awesome. I also totally agree that you need to do more to understand your daughter's preference, because it will help you help her. In my case it was because I felt self-conscious in skirts and restricted (can't run around/go upside down/sit with knees apart), and also that I hated bows/lace/pink/frills (which were big in the 80s).

As an adult I almost never wear skirts or dresses because I run cold, though, and I do wonder if that was a factor too.

Looking back, I wish my parents had done more to help me find good options. Instead I was uncomfortable in my skin when dressed up through at least my mid-20s. There are a lot more choices now for kids as far as leggings that help with dressing nice but being warm enough (winter and in the summer AC season), and some openness to gender non-conformity. Honestly I'm surprised by the number of people on here who say that girls and women must wear skirts/dresses to be dressed up, though. Nice black pants, nice shoes and a white blouse, for instance, shouldn't be hard to find and seem dressy enough for a kid at a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

I think this is a good point - to find out the "why" behind it. I think (and hope!) she has good self-image/body-image, but I will have to explore that a little more. I really think that she just likes boy things/thinks they're more comfortable/wants to be like her big brother/and possibly, someday, could want to be an actual boy but we're totally not there yet at all, and who knows. She likes her long hair, and likes being a girl who likes boy things.

I would not force her to wear a dress or skirt saying that it's the "dress code." I might have her take a look at different options, like comfy leggings and tunics. But some women/girls just hate the feeling and look of dresses, as well as the expectation that they have to wear a dress. I was one of those - I have hated dresses/skirts my whole life, and it didn't have anything to do with body image. It's partly the way they feel (constricting, strange) and also because it just makes me miserable. I can't really explain why!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will she wear a skort?

I was your child and when my girl friends introduced me to a skort my life was changed.

https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/oneill-nevada-wide-leg-pants-little-girls-big-girls/5222199?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FKids%2FGirls&color=grape%20nectar

Also something like this...

Definitely a hard no on the skort. It's a similar look to a skirt/dress.

We don't know if it is look or feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like your daughter growing up, hated hated hated dresses and skirts. I wore culottes when available, though they weren't really a thing. I shopped for pants and shirts in the boys' department and cut frills off things a lot. I'm straight and female, FWIW, just have never cared for annoying ruffly things and have never wanted anyone to say I looked "cute."

There are some good suggestions here, and that romper is awesome. I also totally agree that you need to do more to understand your daughter's preference, because it will help you help her. In my case it was because I felt self-conscious in skirts and restricted (can't run around/go upside down/sit with knees apart), and also that I hated bows/lace/pink/frills (which were big in the 80s).

As an adult I almost never wear skirts or dresses because I run cold, though, and I do wonder if that was a factor too.

Looking back, I wish my parents had done more to help me find good options. Instead I was uncomfortable in my skin when dressed up through at least my mid-20s. There are a lot more choices now for kids as far as leggings that help with dressing nice but being warm enough (winter and in the summer AC season), and some openness to gender non-conformity. Honestly I'm surprised by the number of people on here who say that girls and women must wear skirts/dresses to be dressed up, though. Nice black pants, nice shoes and a white blouse, for instance, shouldn't be hard to find and seem dressy enough for a kid at a wedding.

ITA! I am forever struggling to find dressy clothes that aren't dresses. I'm not butch or even really a tomboy - I actually like colors and flowers and prints, and I like to look feminine. I just don't like floofy cuts or skirts/dresses of any type, or high heels.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it helps, remember that no one really cares what your daughter wears, as long as it isn’t absolutely outrageous for the occasion. But your daughter obviously does care, very much, so let her pick what she would want to wear to be “dressed up” within some very wide parameters and don’t sweat it. She’ll be happier for the occasions and a cheery child wearing what they like is way more fun than a sullen twitchy kid, even in the most adorable outfit.

[Anonymous]

My DD also dislikes dresses and I've given her the option to wear nice black pants + dressy top but have also been successful finding her dresses. For her it's more of a comfort and modesty thing -- she will wear a soft knit dress that is not sleeveless and falls below the knee bonus if it has pockets.

Agree with the others that there are some good dressy jumpsuit options, if she's into that. This one would suit a formal occasion: https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3436595/girls-7-16-knitworks-sleeveless-lace-bodice-jumpsuit.jsp?prdPV=53 (my DD would never wear that because she hates to have bare shoulders)

But, wearing what a boy would wear in the same situation is also fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she wear a dressy tunic over nice leggings? Or a dressy skort and nice top?

I sympathize OP as I was that kid too. Hated dresses, cut the lace off my socks, hated the patent leather dressy shoes (80s). My parents required that I wear a dress for synagogue and other dressy events but compromised by letting me have input into picking it -- and not complaining if I picked something plain, like red and black stripes instead of pink with frills and lace.

If you can, find out why she hates dresses so much. For me it was because I felt self-conscious in them. Even at 6 I thought I was fat (I wasn't, but I wasn't as skinny as my super-skinny sister, which in my mind translated to fat). Getting to pick the dress helped because I could choose colors I liked.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "look, there is a dress code; when it's a dressy event, girls wear a dress or a skirt and boys wear nice pants and a polo shirt. You have to wear a dress or skirt to be appropriately dressed, just like you don't wear shorts in the winter or a scarf in the summer. But you can help pick the dress or skirt."

Why? Why can't girls wear nice pants and a polo shirt? Or a different kind of shirt? There are SO many options for tops: sweaters, button downs, polos, etc. Let the kid wear what she wants. Insisting on a level of formality appropriate to the occasion is reasonable. Forcing anyone to conform to specific gender norms is not.

Because those are not nice or dressy. If this is truly a formal event. An adult woman would be underdressed if she wore polos and nice pants to a non-casual wedding or religious event. So would a girl. But a boy might not be.

If the kid is gender nonconforming that's one thing. Otherwise, sometimes you have to suck it up. I don't like wearing suits but I do for court because that's the dress code. I don't like wearing dresses but I do for non-casual weddings because that's the dress code. My husband hates wearing a tie because he finds it uncomfortable, but he wears one anyway to synagogue, weddings, important business meetings, etc.

Mi don’t really agree...I’ve just seen so many women at formal events in beautiful pants (brocade, silk, etc) and formal jackets and blouses. Even brides. Only in very conservative circles would anyone even notice that a woman is wearing something other than a dress or skirt.