Husbands, what little things do you wish your wives would stop/change?

[Anonymous]

^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

[Anonymous]

My wife pretty much just goes with the problems. Not many funny things nor seemingly much interest in my thoughts, feelings, or things I did. Certainly no noticeable interest in sex.

Yes, and a lot of it is tone, which is usually cold and pissy.

[Anonymous]

Sleeping in
Pretending to be busy
Lack of cooking dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it because she's moving around doing house or child care?

Yes, or work email/text, etc. I am too. Last night I got home and immediately started cleaning the kitchen, cooking dinner and helping our teen with math homework. I get it - there’s lots to be done, but the 10 seconds it takes to hug someone won’t take the household schedule off track.

Approaching me to GIVE you something--a hug--while I am busy doing something that benefits you/the household/your children shows that you don't notice or care what I'm doing. How about:

"Thank you for making dinner. Can I help with anything? When you're not busy, I'd love a hug."

The day you have to ASK for a hug is the day your marriage is dead. You literally can’t put the dishes aside for TWO SECONDS to hug your spouse and show them the tiniest bit of affection? Jesus Christ.

Seriously expecting a hug every day upon entering the home is way over the top. Probably the busy time, how about letting the partner decide on when they want to give out the hugs, LOL. Little petty stuff, non-issues.

Uh, that's pretty cold. I mean, if you and your spouse are both low in physical affection needs, that's fine, but, for people for whom physical affection is a primary love language (which is a lot of, if not most, men), just refusing to stop for a minute to acknowledge your spouse like this is like starving your relationship of air. I mean, there are times that it might be impractical to drop everything at that very moment (but, still come back within 5 or 10 minutes), but if you can't stop and greet your life partner with a quick hug, you're too busy or have misplaced priorities.

I’m the original poster with the hug issue. Her love language is “Acts of Service” and I try to provide that daily. I get up before she does to make her (or go out and purchase favorite) coffee, even when it means changing my sleep schedule. I ask her daily if there’s anything I can take off of her calender, run errands, wash her car, even the mundane daily stuff (cooking, cleaning, homework, etc). I’m sure you can shoot anything I say full of holes but the point is that I’m teying to give her what she needs and proactively asking. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t WANT to do that stuff (aside from helping my kid with HW, which I enjoy). I do it because I recognize that’s the way she wants to be loved.

As the previous poster stated, my love language is physical affection. And, am I asking for her to put the same amount of minutes/hours in that I do for her? Ansolutely not, that would be unreasonable. But what if instead of the hour a day (or whatever it is) that I’m putting in doing thoughtful things to help out, she gives back 5 minutes? Maybe in the form of a hug, a hand on the shoulder, hell, I’d take anything that wasn’t provided by the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

I am a woman and let me ASSURE you her husband would prefer she give-give-give something besides clean dishes once in awhile. Chores. Can. Wait. Nurture your MARRIAGE. Prioritize your SPOUSE, you know the one you swore to love and cherish forever, instead of pushing them aside for every household chore and every child’s whine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

I am a woman and let me ASSURE you her husband would prefer she give-give-give something besides clean dishes once in awhile. Chores. Can. Wait. Nurture your MARRIAGE. Prioritize your SPOUSE, you know the one you swore to love and cherish forever, instead of pushing them aside for every household chore and every child’s whine.

Wow! Thank you for saying that. I made the post right above yours (about the love languages) and couldn’t agree more. Your marriage is a block of your children’s mental health and wellbeing. If you want to be good parents, part of that is investing in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

Choreplay doesn't work.

If she's not attracted to you, then no amount of "helping" or even "appreciation" will make her attracted to you.

If she is attracted to you, then she won't care if you're not "helping" or "appreciating".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

I am a woman and let me ASSURE you her husband would prefer she give-give-give something besides clean dishes once in awhile. Chores. Can. Wait. Nurture your MARRIAGE. Prioritize your SPOUSE, you know the one you swore to love and cherish forever, instead of pushing them aside for every household chore and every child’s whine.

So anyway, there are different love languages, dummy. And if her love language is words/appreciation and you are never saying thank you or offering to help, you ain't speaking her language. Until you TRY speaking her language, be prepared for the same shit, different day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

I am a woman and let me ASSURE you her husband would prefer she give-give-give something besides clean dishes once in awhile. Chores. Can. Wait. Nurture your MARRIAGE. Prioritize your SPOUSE, you know the one you swore to love and cherish forever, instead of pushing them aside for every household chore and every child’s whine.

So anyway, there are different love languages, dummy. And if her love language is words/appreciation and you are never saying thank you or offering to help, you ain't speaking her language. Until you TRY speaking her language, be prepared for the same shit, different day.

Yes. This. My DH refused to acknowledge the work i did around the house because "it just needed to get done," he said. Well, no sh!t. I did it. All I wanted was acknowledgement that I'd done it and a thank you would have been nice. He literally refused. No wonder i started fu€king somebody else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She never takes her clean clothes out of the dryer.

Does not rinse coffee or tea cups when done, so they get rings inside them.

Mine forgets to take them out of the washer, and thinks it's perfectly fine to let them moulder there for days.

Mine does that too -- and unlike me, she always has a bunch of stuff that is "do not put in dryer, lay flat to dry" so I have to sort through it. Not going to risk a huge guilt trip for accidentally shrinking a sweater or something, so I just put her wet stuff aside, run the other laundry through, then put her wet stuff back in the washer.

So “I have to sort through it” isn’t quite accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

I am a woman and let me ASSURE you her husband would prefer she give-give-give something besides clean dishes once in awhile. Chores. Can. Wait. Nurture your MARRIAGE. Prioritize your SPOUSE, you know the one you swore to love and cherish forever, instead of pushing them aside for every household chore and every child’s whine.

So anyway, there are different love languages, dummy. And if her love language is words/appreciation and you are never saying thank you or offering to help, you ain't speaking her language. Until you TRY speaking her language, be prepared for the same shit, different day.

It sounds like your love language is scorekeeping. See how far that gets you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it too much to ask that she maintain an even somewhat tidy back passage? Toilet paper is not "killing the earth."

I hope she stops that for health reasons, very unhealthy. Just ask F.F.

Also you don't own your wifes body, worry about your own back passage.

The theory being espoused is that the "fudge" serves as a sort of natural, homeopathic antibiotic. I find this ridiculous. My back passage is as clean as a whistle, that's part of the disappointment.

Woman here. I could not abide a man who leaves poo on his butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^She probably feels like she's give-give-giving to you already with all that she is doing around the house.

Try appreciation FIRST, asking if there is any way you can help/better yet just pitching in without asking SECOND, and THEN pursuing physical affection.

I am a woman and let me ASSURE you her husband would prefer she give-give-give something besides clean dishes once in awhile. Chores. Can. Wait. Nurture your MARRIAGE. Prioritize your SPOUSE, you know the one you swore to love and cherish forever, instead of pushing them aside for every household chore and every child’s whine.

So anyway, there are different love languages, dummy. And if her love language is words/appreciation and you are never saying thank you or offering to help, you ain't speaking her language. Until you TRY speaking her language, be prepared for the same shit, different day.

Yes. This. My DH refused to acknowledge the work i did around the house because "it just needed to get done," he said. Well, no sh!t. I did it. All I wanted was acknowledgement that I'd done it and a thank you would have been nice. He literally refused. No wonder i started fu€king somebody else.

No, you did that cause you're a slut.

[Anonymous]

Talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-I wish she would brush her teeth more often

-Actually set aside time for sex, instead of it being the last thing we do if she's still awake

-Stop wasting wine, leaving the cork off the bottle, not putting it away, pouring a whole glass and drinking none of it

-Don't be so self-conscious about receiving oral, or stop telling me "I haven't showered." Shower fresh is good but a a few to even several hours after is just as good, if not better. Don't waive me off unless you really have a good reason. Or...go take a damn shower if you're so concerned.

+1000