Artificial insemination and very insensitive wife (and MIL)....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. I guess I’m the outlier here, but what’s so terrible about the wife commenting on what features the kid gets from the donor? I would assume that OP hopes that the kid would get some of the better attributes as well. The real problem here is that OP has not come to terms with the fact that the child will not be biologically his. Until he becomes comes to accept that he will be seeing features in his future child that came from another man, he really shouldn’t be going down this avenue.

What's "terrible" is that she is rubbing the father's nose in the fact that she is having a baby that's not his. She is an insensitive moron. She can help him to "come to terms with this" by shutting the hell up about it, forever.

+1000. This does not bode well for your relationship, if your wife is pregnant and has the baby. Kids are hard on a marriage and will be a lot harder on yours.

[Anonymous]

If OP just takes about it with his wife, the wife will get defensive and try to portray OP as immature for daring to have a problem. In all seriousness when does talking it over EVER work for the husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump now and you can potentially avoid child support.

Leave

[Anonymous]

Yikes. OP you sound as if you a) have not made peace with the idea of using donor sperm / are not truly on board for the process and b) are filled with contempt for your wife. You two should NOT be having a baby...

And yes her behavior is insensitive as elk. But part of this is on you too.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like her attractiveness has impacted her personality in the usual ways.

You sound like someone who married a woman mostly because she's hot and then got to know the real her and surprise! She's a bitch. It could be worse, she could be a crazy psycho bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to work hard on your communication issues. Tell her how you feel. She needs to respect your feelings.

No, no, no. Men are supposed to let women emote all over them, but women hate, hate, hate it when men emote on women. Talk about your feewings and she will despise you, not respect you. Tell your shrink if you want but if you tell DW she will regard you as weak, pouty, and butthurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work hard on your communication issues. Tell her how you feel. She needs to respect your feelings.

No, no, no. Men are supposed to let women emote all over them, but women hate, hate, hate it when men emote on women. Talk about your feewings and she will despise you, not respect you. Tell your shrink if you want but if you tell DW she will regard you as weak, pouty, and butthurt.

Uh...you are nuts. This is how adults act:
DH: could you please cool it with speculating about what the donor will make the baby look like.
DW: Oh I'm so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings

The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work hard on your communication issues. Tell her how you feel. She needs to respect your feelings.

No, no, no. Men are supposed to let women emote all over them, but women hate, hate, hate it when men emote on women. Talk about your feewings and she will despise you, not respect you. Tell your shrink if you want but if you tell DW she will regard you as weak, pouty, and butthurt.

Uh...you are nuts. This is how adults act:
DH: could you please cool it with speculating about what the donor will make the baby look like.
DW: Oh I'm so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings

The end.

Umm... no... reality:

DH: Will you please stop speculating about what the donors will make the baby look like.
DW: Why? I'm supper excited about the baby. You should be too! Why aren't you excited? Why can't you be happy for me!!!!
DH: I am happy and I want to be part of the experience with you but some of the things you say hurt my feelings and alienate me.
DW: You knew I was using donor sperm. You agreed and it is not fair to turn this around on me now! Are you going to be like this the whole time I'm pregnant? I'm doing this because YOU couldn't have a baby! Don't blame me about how you are feeling.

not the end.... gets brought up over and over by DW after child is born when she gets mad when she "reminds" with a misrepresented memory about how DH ruined her excitement about the baby and had second thoughts (even though that wasn't what it was about) and in her worst moments uses the phrase "my baby" and says he/she isn't your child anyway....

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you are going to bond with this baby.

[Anonymous]

Looks like there's a very good reason they have counseling for these scenarios. Had my wife said something like that I'm not sure I would ever get over it. Maybe next time do things the correct way with a clinic and a different woman?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Neither the doctors nor the lawyer that wrote the contract required by the clink said there was any sort of counseling requirement. The OBGYN, Urologist, or the ART doctor mentioned or required any of that. The only thing they cared about was getting contracts signed because they would not accept delivery of the donor sperm until after those were given to the clinic.

I'm going to say that dcum lives up to its reputation of having a lot of judgmental jerks that make a lot of assumptions in ignorance. Some of your comments are actually quite hurtful but I think the pp that make them know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work hard on your communication issues. Tell her how you feel. She needs to respect your feelings.

No, no, no. Men are supposed to let women emote all over them, but women hate, hate, hate it when men emote on women. Talk about your feewings and she will despise you, not respect you. Tell your shrink if you want but if you tell DW she will regard you as weak, pouty, and butthurt.

Uh...you are nuts. This is how adults act:
DH: could you please cool it with speculating about what the donor will make the baby look like.
DW: Oh I'm so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings

The end.

Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work hard on your communication issues. Tell her how you feel. She needs to respect your feelings.

No, no, no. Men are supposed to let women emote all over them, but women hate, hate, hate it when men emote on women. Talk about your feewings and she will despise you, not respect you. Tell your shrink if you want but if you tell DW she will regard you as weak, pouty, and butthurt.

Uh...you are nuts. This is how adults act:
DH: could you please cool it with speculating about what the donor will make the baby look like.
DW: Oh I'm so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings

The end.

Umm... no... reality:

DH: Will you please stop speculating about what the donors will make the baby look like.
DW: Why? I'm supper excited about the baby. You should be too! Why aren't you excited? Why can't you be happy for me!!!!
DH: I am happy and I want to be part of the experience with you but some of the things you say hurt my feelings and alienate me.
DW: You knew I was using donor sperm. You agreed and it is not fair to turn this around on me now! Are you going to be like this the whole time I'm pregnant? I'm doing this because YOU couldn't have a baby! Don't blame me about how you are feeling.

not the end.... gets brought up over and over by DW after child is born when she gets mad when she "reminds" with a misrepresented memory about how DH ruined her excitement about the baby and had second thoughts (even though that wasn't what it was about) and in her worst moments uses the phrase "my baby" and says he/she isn't your child anyway....

Yep. Exactly. And then she complains to her mom and all her friends that it was bad enough that her husband's seed was too weak to make her pregnant, but now he is weak, pouty and butthurt about the baby, which adds insult to injury!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work hard on your communication issues. Tell her how you feel. She needs to respect your feelings.

No, no, no. Men are supposed to let women emote all over them, but women hate, hate, hate it when men emote on women. Talk about your feewings and she will despise you, not respect you. Tell your shrink if you want but if you tell DW she will regard you as weak, pouty, and butthurt.

Uh...you are nuts. This is how adults act:
DH: could you please cool it with speculating about what the donor will make the baby look like.
DW: Oh I'm so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt your feelings

The end.

Thank you, PP.

You live in a fantasy world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Neither the doctors nor the lawyer that wrote the contract required by the clink said there was any sort of counseling requirement. The OBGYN, Urologist, or the ART doctor mentioned or required any of that. The only thing they cared about was getting contracts signed because they would not accept delivery of the donor sperm until after those were given to the clinic.

I'm going to say that dcum lives up to its reputation of having a lot of judgmental jerks that make a lot of assumptions in ignorance. Some of your comments are actually quite hurtful but I think the pp that make them know that.

OP, it really sounds like you have mixed feelings about having a child who is not genetically yours. It seems like your wife's comments are exacerbating those feelings. If you were not already feeling (I'm just guessing) unsure and a bit emasculated by needing to conceive a child with donor sperm, her comments probably would not bother you as much as they seem to. Your feelings are valid, but I kind of feel like to an extent, you need to work on moving past them quickly. Your wife is already pregnant. You are no longer in the decision-making stage about this in anything other than a nuclear sense. It sounds like you guys have some very real communication issues if you cannot communicate to her that her comments make you uncomfortable. I would strongly, strongly recommend that you seek individual counseling to address both of those issues sooner rather than later.