Do people really always find out they're being cheated on?

[Anonymous]

I think if the affair goes on long enough and the spouse WANTS to find out the truth, they always will.
I dated someone for 8 years, the last 2 I KNEW something was up (he smelled like smoke but didn't smoke, stories would change, miles on car wouldn't match up to where he was etc). I didn't let on that i knew anything becuase i wasn't ready to blow up our lives. But when I was ready i had plenty of evidence and instances to show him to make him come clean.
At first he didn't and tried to gaslight me, but lucky for me i kept details of everything at my office including dates/times/events etc. Once presented with all of that he tumbled like a house of cards and begged forgiveness. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

Love your values!

Maybe your wife wouldn't think you are such a great match for her after she, or eventually your kids, find out about your discreet affairs. It sounds like you are doing your wife a favor by staying with her.

[Anonymous]

I have to leave my DH after discovering he cheated because I know he would never have used condoms with the other woman/women. I feel like I could get over an affair but knowing he would put me in danger says all I need to know about him.

I think someone not using condoms and/or impregnating the AP are the two things I couldn't get over. Of course no one would admit to not using condoms, but a pregnancy carried to term will of course eventually come to light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

Love your values!

Maybe your wife wouldn't think you are such a great match for her after she, or eventually your kids, find out about your discreet affairs. It sounds like you are doing your wife a favor by staying with her.

Your snark is not appreciated one bit.

I for one respect the PP value position and give them even more kudos for the fact that he still loves his life.

You will be hard pressed to find a man who checks all these boxes and here you are trying to be sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

Love your values!

Maybe your wife wouldn't think you are such a great match for her after she, or eventually your kids, find out about your discreet affairs. It sounds like you are doing your wife a favor by staying with her.

Your snark is not appreciated one bit.

I for one respect the PP value position and give them even more kudos for the fact that he still loves his life.

You will be hard pressed to find a man who checks all these boxes and here you are trying to be sarcastic.

NP. Yes really loves his wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

Love your values!

Maybe your wife wouldn't think you are such a great match for her after she, or eventually your kids, find out about your discreet affairs. It sounds like you are doing your wife a favor by staying with her.

Your snark is not appreciated one bit.

I for one respect the PP value position and give them even more kudos for the fact that he still loves his life.

You will be hard pressed to find a man who checks all these boxes and here you are trying to be sarcastic.

NP. Yes really loves his wife

Yeah, this isn't love or respect, this is manipulation. If PP really valued his wife, he would give her real information and let her be a decision maker in her own life. Anything less is disrespectful to the wife. It is the PP substituting his perception of how she would react and what she would want instead of allowing her to choose. Adulterers do this and pretend that they are some kind of hero for conducting their affairs discreetly so that the wife isn't "hurt". This is so false it is really mind-boggling people fall for this line of argument.

[Anonymous]

I think the person who cheats is never the same. Never. They are broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truth always comes out

...and with STD transferred to a DH it comes out really quickly. And nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the person who cheats is never the same. Never. They are broken.

Not really. It's just another one of life's decisions. I don't regret it.

[Anonymous]

I've been with about 15 married women who never got caught and one who did get caught because, despite my many warnings, she was not careful at all with her cell phone and her texting got noticed on the bill. I do feel bad for her husband and her. They are still together, last I heard.

Trust me most people, if not the great majority never get caught and you don't know who the cheaters are. But rest assured, they are all around you. Once you tap into it, it's like a whole big underground, hiding in plain sight.

I swear I can spot the cheaters when I see them in public, or spot the wife who cheats when I encounter her alone or with her husband. It's a vibe they give off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the person who cheats is never the same. Never. They are broken.

Not really. It's just another one of life's decisions. I don't regret it.

Are you a DW or DH? It seems women have much less regret about cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

Love your values!

Maybe your wife wouldn't think you are such a great match for her after she, or eventually your kids, find out about your discreet affairs. It sounds like you are doing your wife a favor by staying with her.

Your snark is not appreciated one bit.

I for one respect the PP value position and give them even more kudos for the fact that he still loves his life.

You will be hard pressed to find a man who checks all these boxes and here you are trying to be sarcastic.

NP. Yes really loves his wife

Yeah, this isn't love or respect, this is manipulation. If PP really valued his wife, he would give her real information and let her be a decision maker in her own life. Anything less is disrespectful to the wife. It is the PP substituting his perception of how she would react and what she would want instead of allowing her to choose. Adulterers do this and pretend that they are some kind of hero for conducting their affairs discreetly so that the wife isn't "hurt". This is so false it is really mind-boggling people fall for this line of argument.

What information do you believe she is missing? Seriously... you don't think she KNOWS they are sexually incompatible? You think she's unaware that her interest in sex has dropped off, that she's been rejecting his advances (for a long while), and he needs more sex?

It's not like any of this is a big secret he has been keeping from her. She has choosen to stay married despite her loss of sexual interest. Surely she is aware of the inevitable consequences, he does not need to spell it out for her, if she REALLY wanted to discuss this she would have already done so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the person who cheats is never the same. Never. They are broken.

Not really. It's just another one of life's decisions. I don't regret it.

Wow. No regrets to have an affair. A neighbor's wife had an affair and she was caught. Not only did her marriage end, but her 3 kids and herself continue to have issues. It has been 4 years and the wife is broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They don’t. I have many (male) coworkers who have cheated multiple times over the last 10 years that I have known them...their wives are clueless. One wife did find out at her DH’s funeral when her husband’s mistress of 5 years (we know because she joined him on some business dinners and trips)...broke down at the funeral.

People don't necessarily let on that they're aware their spouse is cheating or that they suspect it.

I've known many women that didn't let on. Instead they just checked out of the marriage but didn't let the guy know. Mainly because of not displacing the kids. Once someone cheats the marriage is over so many figure why let them know you're on to them. Best to get your ducks in a row, or wait until the kids are older to divorce. I feel more sorry for the cheater because they are reason both are stuck in a fake marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

Love your values!

Maybe your wife wouldn't think you are such a great match for her after she, or eventually your kids, find out about your discreet affairs. It sounds like you are doing your wife a favor by staying with her.

+1
Yes what a creep, and sad his wife is wasting her life. Although most women know and his may too.