Do people really always find out they're being cheated on?

[Anonymous]

I’m 99% sure DH is having some sort of affair. It doesn’t impact my life or the kids. There is more than enough money to go around. If I need him to do something, he does it—pick up dinner, the kids, the groceries.

But he works a lot of late nights and weekends. I don’t call the office phone when he’s at work during non traditional work hours. If I need something during this time, I call or text the cell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 99% sure DH is having some sort of affair. It doesn’t impact my life or the kids. There is more than enough money to go around. If I need him to do something, he does it—pick up dinner, the kids, the groceries.

But he works a lot of late nights and weekends. I don’t call the office phone when he’s at work during non traditional work hours. If I need something during this time, I call or text the cell.

Are you worried about STDs?

What if he left?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had affairs that were never discovered. I think it depends on the spouse. Maybe mine knows but doesn’t say anything or doesn’t know and doesn’t care but either way it works for me.

Because spouse is also cheating.

[Anonymous]

You’ll get away with an occasional cheat on a business trip. But when you have an affair within your city that lasts a while: the truth usually comes. I’ve cheated, but only one offs when I’m traveling. Never within the city I live

[Anonymous]

My ex only cheated while away on work travel, usually overseas. I’m sure he thought he would never in a million years get caught. I did catch him - in a way that neither he nor I would ever have imagined.

He was devastated when I confronted him and begged me not to end our relationship. He was in shock. The consequences were truly inconceivable to him.

All of you who think you’ll never get caught because you never cheat in town are simply living with the sword of Damocles over your head.

[Anonymous]

I worked in an archive and we found in a woman's papers, letters from her husband's mistress to her husband (i hope that makes sense). I don't know when she had found out but she remained married to her husband until his death.

[Anonymous]

Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

So you’re gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

OP here. It sounded like a ridiculous assertion to me too. About 40% of married people cheat at some point. Cheating isn't what ends most marriages. No married friends of mine have had their spouses cheat that they know of.

It seems like it's probably happening all over, without much fuss or drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've cheated several times over the years and have never been caught by my DW. I think it's because they are spaced out encounters with people who are also married and value discretion. It doesn't change my interactions or relationship with my DW. I love her and the life we've built together- we're just not sexually compatible. I knew it when we were young, but I also knew she was otherwise a great match for me and would be a great wife and mother.

You’re disgusting.

Nope. He’s a normal male. Sexual incompatibility is shorthand for she is low drive. So he makes up the difference elsewhere. Normal.

[Anonymous]

I had several long term affairs. I had a one night stand and that’s the one that cost me my marriage. Should have stayed with the long term affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had several long term affairs. I had a one night stand and that’s the one that cost me my marriage. Should have stayed with the long term affairs.

Why do you think you deserve to stay or be married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

OP here. It sounded like a ridiculous assertion to me too. About 40% of married people cheat at some point. Cheating isn't what ends most marriages. No married friends of mine have had their spouses cheat that they know of.

It seems like it's probably happening all over, without much fuss or drama.

The marriage not ending does not mean the spouse does not know about the cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course all affairs aren’t discovered. What a silly notion.

+1. Have been having an in town affair for 5 years with spouse none the wiser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex only cheated while away on work travel, usually overseas. I’m sure he thought he would never in a million years get caught. I did catch him - in a way that neither he nor I would ever have imagined.

He was devastated when I confronted him and begged me not to end our relationship. He was in shock. The consequences were truly inconceivable to him.

All of you who think you’ll never get caught because you never cheat in town are simply living with the sword of Damocles over your head.

That's the game cheaters play. They really never know if they'll be caught. But imo cheaters have personality disorders that make it impossible for them to see beyond themselves.