MIL doesn't want to see my parents, but my parents want to see MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to change my answer. My in-laws come for 2-3 days and my parents back off.

You can’t keep your mom away on Christmas! You can’t keep her away for a whole week! MIL needs to suck it up. Your mom needs to be part of Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

I make sure kids have separate opportunities to open gofts from grandparents. For example my son’s BD was on a Thursday this year. He opened presents with my parents at our normally Wednesday dinner. He opened presents from us on his actual birthday. He opened presents from my in-laws on Friday night when my in-laws arrived for the weekend.

During the week when the kids are off school, plan events for each of your kids with your mom. This will allow MIL to have one on one time with each kid.

I'm not going to host 3 separate birthday parties - One for friends, one for my parents, one for in-laws just so that gifts can be opened separately. I did this a few times and it became the birthday that would not end. Thankfully no one insisted that it all be done separately.

If somebody really needs to have a separate party like that, they can host it.

Jesus, pay attention. This isn't the MIL preemptively banning OP's mother. This is OP's mother asking to see the MIL, and the MIL not being excited about it. Where did OP mention a party? Where did OP mention excluding her mother from Christmas?

You are saying that you are OK forcing a guest in your house to see someone they don't want to *solely* because that other person wants to see your guest. That's rude AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to change my answer. My in-laws come for 2-3 days and my parents back off.

You can’t keep your mom away on Christmas! You can’t keep her away for a whole week! MIL needs to suck it up. Your mom needs to be part of Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

I make sure kids have separate opportunities to open gofts from grandparents. For example my son’s BD was on a Thursday this year. He opened presents with my parents at our normally Wednesday dinner. He opened presents from us on his actual birthday. He opened presents from my in-laws on Friday night when my in-laws arrived for the weekend.

During the week when the kids are off school, plan events for each of your kids with your mom. This will allow MIL to have one on one time with each kid.

I'm not going to host 3 separate birthday parties - One for friends, one for my parents, one for in-laws just so that gifts can be opened separately. I did this a few times and it became the birthday that would not end. Thankfully no one insisted that it all be done separately.

If somebody really needs to have a separate party like that, they can host it.

Jesus, pay attention. This isn't the MIL preemptively banning OP's mother. This is OP's mother asking to see the MIL, and the MIL not being excited about it. Where did OP mention a party? Where did OP mention excluding her mother from Christmas?

You are saying that you are OK forcing a guest in your house to see someone they don't want to *solely* because that other person wants to see your guest. That's rude AF.

I'm saying that it is ridiculous of MIL to reach out to Op's mom in such an overtly friendly manner and then tell Op that she really doesn't want to see her mom while she's in town.

MIL has created an awkard situation for herself and is putting Op on the spot to tell her own mother that she is not welcomed over while MIL is there. THAT is rude AF.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you, my Mom is the same way as your MIL. She sees her grandkids 2-3 times a year and is very monopolistic about her time. We let her have her way. ILs understand, they live 5 miles away from us. Don't push it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to change my answer. My in-laws come for 2-3 days and my parents back off.

You can’t keep your mom away on Christmas! You can’t keep her away for a whole week! MIL needs to suck it up. Your mom needs to be part of Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

I make sure kids have separate opportunities to open gofts from grandparents. For example my son’s BD was on a Thursday this year. He opened presents with my parents at our normally Wednesday dinner. He opened presents from us on his actual birthday. He opened presents from my in-laws on Friday night when my in-laws arrived for the weekend.

During the week when the kids are off school, plan events for each of your kids with your mom. This will allow MIL to have one on one time with each kid.

I'm not going to host 3 separate birthday parties - One for friends, one for my parents, one for in-laws just so that gifts can be opened separately. I did this a few times and it became the birthday that would not end. Thankfully no one insisted that it all be done separately.

If somebody really needs to have a separate party like that, they can host it.

Jesus, pay attention. This isn't the MIL preemptively banning OP's mother. This is OP's mother asking to see the MIL, and the MIL not being excited about it. Where did OP mention a party? Where did OP mention excluding her mother from Christmas?

You are saying that you are OK forcing a guest in your house to see someone they don't want to *solely* because that other person wants to see your guest. That's rude AF.

You need to pay attention.

MIL is visiting over Christmas. Keeping local grandparents away to appease MIL is wrong. It would be wrong if they disliked each other, it’s still wrong if they have a weird frenemy relationship. If MIL wasn’t visiting for the holidays I would be much more accommodating of giving her one on one time with the family - but seriously? On Christmas it’s an asinine request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's a bit rude that your MIL completely avoids your parents. She should at least be willing to see them every other visit or so. It would be nice for your kids to have all of their grandparents together in a room. I remember I loved when all of my grandparents were together with me.

I think it is really weird that OPs mom is so insistent at seeing OPs MIL.

MILs reaction seems normal to me

You think it’s weird that local grandparents want to see their family on Christmas?

Yes, it’s absolutely bizarre that they still want to see their family on a holiday even though the MIL is there. You might find it shocking but this is the type of “weird” and “abnormal” situation most families are happy to “deal with” once there are grandchildren in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't blame your MIL. She's not related to your mom and they aren't family. Mine have to see each other at kid's events like birthdays, births and baptisms and that's enough.

This. I completely understand your MIL’s point of view. If you traveled far to see a sibling, would you want to spend time with your sibling’s in-laws? No, you wouldn’t.

Your MIL doesn’t want to be reminded and shown right in her face that her grandchildren are mostly bonded to another grandparent. Have some compassion.

[Anonymous]

7:41 here. I see that this is over Christmas time. That’s easy. You alternate the holidays. This year Christmas with MIL, next year Christmas with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:41 here. I see that this is over Christmas time. That’s easy. You alternate the holidays. This year Christmas with MIL, next year Christmas with your mom.

That’s absolutely asinine. Both grandparents need to grow up and realize the grandchildren have two sets of grandparents.

Maybe for one day a year the senior citizens can make it about the kids? WTF is wrong with that generation?

[Anonymous]

Your mom needs to stop calling and taking with MIL. MIL needs to suck it up and have one family dinner.

[Anonymous]

I am curious about those of you that have local MILs and distant parents. When your parents come to visit, do you always invite your inlaws over as well during that time?

When your parents are in town, how much time do you expect them to want to spend with your inlaws? If your inlaws kept insisting they want to be with you while your parents are there, do you agree that they should come over?

I feel it is pretty normal that when there are locals and a distant set of parents, that the locals step back while the distant set is in town. We don't invite my inlaws over much while my parents are in town and I think it would be odd if my MIL insisted we did.