If your marriage survived infidelity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

Honestly, your self-absorption is a bit mind-boggling. You betrayed him and your children in the worst way possible, and you’re upset he doesn’t love you like he used to? What did you expect? That you could do something horrible and things would get better?

Yes. That is exactly correct. I didn't stay in my marriage so I could wear a hair shirt and flog myself daily. I stayed with my husband because I thought we could rebuild a new life together. I was wrong. We didn't have children at the time, FWIW.

Don’t beat yourself up. I cheated and ended up leaving....even though my spouse wanted to work it out. I knew the trust was broken, and we both deserved better. We are both remarried and happy. I hope you decide to move on and find someone who truly loves you. You needn’t suffer a lifetime for your mistake. Good luck.

Don’t try to blame the person you betrayed. You are a deeply flawed individual, and all your relationships are likely to fail.

Oh please. I have a great spouse and wonderful friends. I made a mistake. I have apologized to my ex-spouse. F off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, I was the one who cheated. My spouse fully supported staying together, but I just couldn’t. I knew the trust was gone and even though I screwed up, I didn’t want to remain in a half hearted marriage. I have since re-married and couldn’t be happier.

Haha, for now. I hope your new spouse knows who you really are.

HaHa..you jerk..
....he does! We’ve been together 13 years.

He’s probably cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, I was the one who cheated. My spouse fully supported staying together, but I just couldn’t. I knew the trust was gone and even though I screwed up, I didn’t want to remain in a half hearted marriage. I have since re-married and couldn’t be happier.

Haha, for now. I hope your new spouse knows who you really are.

HaHa..you jerk..
....he does! We’ve been together 13 years.

He’s probably cheating on you.

No, he is not. But keep dreaming you hateful barnacle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, I was the one who cheated. My spouse fully supported staying together, but I just couldn’t. I knew the trust was gone and even though I screwed up, I didn’t want to remain in a half hearted marriage. I have since re-married and couldn’t be happier.

Haha, for now. I hope your new spouse knows who you really are.

HaHa..you jerk..
....he does! We’ve been together 13 years.

He’s probably cheating on you.

No, he is not. But keep dreaming you hateful barnacle.

I like that one! Clever! Anyway, he could definitely be cheating and it would be sweet karma if he were. I hope you didn’t drag kids through your selfish garbage heap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, I was the one who cheated. My spouse fully supported staying together, but I just couldn’t. I knew the trust was gone and even though I screwed up, I didn’t want to remain in a half hearted marriage. I have since re-married and couldn’t be happier.

Haha, for now. I hope your new spouse knows who you really are.

HaHa..you jerk..
....he does! We’ve been together 13 years.

He’s probably cheating on you.

No, he is not. But keep dreaming you hateful barnacle.

I like that one! Clever! Anyway, he could definitely be cheating and it would be sweet karma if he were. I hope you didn’t drag kids through your selfish garbage heap.

Goodbye dirt under my manicured nails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

Honestly, your self-absorption is a bit mind-boggling. You betrayed him and your children in the worst way possible, and you’re upset he doesn’t love you like he used to? What did you expect? That you could do something horrible and things would get better?

Yes. That is exactly correct. I didn't stay in my marriage so I could wear a hair shirt and flog myself daily. I stayed with my husband because I thought we could rebuild a new life together. I was wrong. We didn't have children at the time, FWIW.

Don’t beat yourself up. I cheated and ended up leaving....even though my spouse wanted to work it out. I knew the trust was broken, and we both deserved better. We are both remarried and happy. I hope you decide to move on and find someone who truly loves you. You needn’t suffer a lifetime for your mistake. Good luck.

Don’t try to blame the person you betrayed. You are a deeply flawed individual, and all your relationships are likely to fail.

Oh please. I have a great spouse and wonderful friends. I made a mistake. I have apologized to my ex-spouse. F off.

Did you marry your AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

So do you think you will initiate a divorce? Do you have kids?

I don't know. I do have kids now. Every choice feels like the wrong one.

This is actually a very typical pattern when the woman cheats. Even if the husband wants to save the marriage, whether for the kids or financial reasons or even because he genuinely wants to rebuild a solid marriage, a man usually never gets over deep down thinking of the cheating wife as a whore. Therefore, he can no longer respect her or cherish her, and the wife can usually feel this which causes the eventual breakdown of the marriage. A man rarely forgives an affair, and women are generally more checked out of a marriage to begin with when they begin the affair, so there was already a tendency for the marriage to be irreparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

So do you think you will initiate a divorce? Do you have kids?

I don't know. I do have kids now. Every choice feels like the wrong one.

This is actually a very typical pattern when the woman cheats. Even if the husband wants to save the marriage, whether for the kids or financial reasons or even because he genuinely wants to rebuild a solid marriage, a man usually never gets over deep down thinking of the cheating wife as a whore. Therefore, he can no longer respect her or cherish her, and the wife can usually feel this which causes the eventual breakdown of the marriage. A man rarely forgives an affair, and women are generally more checked out of a marriage to begin with when they begin the affair, so there was already a tendency for the marriage to be irreparable.

What is your source? I mean it sounds right but are you referencing a marriage book or a study or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

So do you think you will initiate a divorce? Do you have kids?

I don't know. I do have kids now. Every choice feels like the wrong one.

This is actually a very typical pattern when the woman cheats. Even if the husband wants to save the marriage, whether for the kids or financial reasons or even because he genuinely wants to rebuild a solid marriage, a man usually never gets over deep down thinking of the cheating wife as a whore. Therefore, he can no longer respect her or cherish her, and the wife can usually feel this which causes the eventual breakdown of the marriage. A man rarely forgives an affair, and women are generally more checked out of a marriage to begin with when they begin the affair, so there was already a tendency for the marriage to be irreparable.

Who the hell genuinely forgives an affair? Who fully trusts their spouse again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

So do you think you will initiate a divorce? Do you have kids?

I don't know. I do have kids now. Every choice feels like the wrong one.

This is actually a very typical pattern when the woman cheats. Even if the husband wants to save the marriage, whether for the kids or financial reasons or even because he genuinely wants to rebuild a solid marriage, a man usually never gets over deep down thinking of the cheating wife as a whore. Therefore, he can no longer respect her or cherish her, and the wife can usually feel this which causes the eventual breakdown of the marriage. A man rarely forgives an affair, and women are generally more checked out of a marriage to begin with when they begin the affair, so there was already a tendency for the marriage to be irreparable.

Who the hell genuinely forgives an affair? Who fully trusts their spouse again?

No one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

Honestly, your self-absorption is a bit mind-boggling. You betrayed him and your children in the worst way possible, and you’re upset he doesn’t love you like he used to? What did you expect? That you could do something horrible and things would get better?

Yes. That is exactly correct. I didn't stay in my marriage so I could wear a hair shirt and flog myself daily. I stayed with my husband because I thought we could rebuild a new life together. I was wrong. We didn't have children at the time, FWIW.

Here’s the thing about cheaters: one of the many underlying personality flaws that drive them to deal with problems by cheating is an unwillingness to suffer the consequences of their actions, and an interest in living in a fantasy world rather than reality.

Your response is a demonstration of this. You admit that although you betrayed your husband, he still likes you, respects you and treats you kindly. But that wasn’t enough for you - you wanted him to “love you like he used to” (which evidently wasn’t love enough since you cheated on him). You still demonstrate the typical cheater mindset - unwillingness to live with consequences of your behavior (by insisting that he feel a certain way about you despite your behavior) and preferring to have some fantasy marriage rather than a real one (you’d like to believe that he’s so in love with you that if you died he’d be wailing over your casket and flinging himself on your funreal pyre or something).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did it work? How did you decide to try? And if you’re still married, is there genuine trust again? Do you regret staying or think you made the right decision?

My DH had a long-term affair. When it came to light, there was a long period of ugliness but I decided against divorce. He begged me to stay but I didn't stay because he begged, I stayed because I decided to stay. Genuine trust, it's hard to say, I think I became a little bit cold toward him and I don't need to feel as trustful as I used to. I don't regret staying and I think a made a 100% right decision.