If your marriage survived infidelity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.

I feel great. Kids live with me.

How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.

Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.

It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.

It’s crappy. My mom divorced my dad, had planned it for years. He had an affair when I was 10. The affair was short-lived. Then he became a doting husband, and my mom “forgave” him. Now, I actually consider hers the worse betrayal. She lived a lie for 8 years, and also had myself and my older sister -as well Dad and our extended family believing her. She taught me that people don’t really forgive, and that it’s okay to use people. This wasn’t about what was best for the kids. This was about how she could best stick it to her husband. It’s been ten years since the divorce, and my sister and I don’t have much to do with her. I prefer to have people in my life who don’t lie to me for years.

Or perhaps she taught you that women are not obliged to forgive everything and they can do what is in their own self-interest. Your mom is not obliged to forgive an affair, nor is she obliged to suffer economically or to watch you suffer economically because of your father’s mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.

I feel great. Kids live with me.

How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.

Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.

It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.

It’s crappy. My mom divorced my dad, had planned it for years. He had an affair when I was 10. The affair was short-lived. Then he became a doting husband, and my mom “forgave” him. Now, I actually consider hers the worse betrayal. She lived a lie for 8 years, and also had myself and my older sister -as well Dad and our extended family believing her. She taught me that people don’t really forgive, and that it’s okay to use people. This wasn’t about what was best for the kids. This was about how she could best stick it to her husband. It’s been ten years since the divorce, and my sister and I don’t have much to do with her. I prefer to have people in my life who don’t lie to me for years.

Or perhaps she taught you that women are not obliged to forgive everything and they can do what is in their own self-interest. Your mom is not obliged to forgive an affair, nor is she obliged to suffer economically or to watch you suffer economically because of your father’s mistake.

Nope -she enjoyed the manipulation and the game. Not every woman flies the banner of feminism. Some are just bitches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.

I feel great. Kids live with me.

How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.

Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.

It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.

It’s crappy. My mom divorced my dad, had planned it for years. He had an affair when I was 10. The affair was short-lived. Then he became a doting husband, and my mom “forgave” him. Now, I actually consider hers the worse betrayal. She lived a lie for 8 years, and also had myself and my older sister -as well Dad and our extended family believing her. She taught me that people don’t really forgive, and that it’s okay to use people. This wasn’t about what was best for the kids. This was about how she could best stick it to her husband. It’s been ten years since the divorce, and my sister and I don’t have much to do with her. I prefer to have people in my life who don’t lie to me for years.

Or perhaps she taught you that women are not obliged to forgive everything and they can do what is in their own self-interest. Your mom is not obliged to forgive an affair, nor is she obliged to suffer economically or to watch you suffer economically because of your father’s mistake.

Nope -she enjoyed the manipulation and the game. Not every woman flies the banner of feminism. Some are just bitches.

She may be a bitch but her husband didn’t enjoy the game he played? How did his affair help anyone else beside himself? If she was a bitch before his affair, just divorce before he have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.

I feel great. Kids live with me.

How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.

Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.

It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.

It’s crappy. My mom divorced my dad, had planned it for years. He had an affair when I was 10. The affair was short-lived. Then he became a doting husband, and my mom “forgave” him. Now, I actually consider hers the worse betrayal. She lived a lie for 8 years, and also had myself and my older sister -as well Dad and our extended family believing her. She taught me that people don’t really forgive, and that it’s okay to use people. This wasn’t about what was best for the kids. This was about how she could best stick it to her husband. It’s been ten years since the divorce, and my sister and I don’t have much to do with her. I prefer to have people in my life who don’t lie to me for years.

Or perhaps she taught you that women are not obliged to forgive everything and they can do what is in their own self-interest. Your mom is not obliged to forgive an affair, nor is she obliged to suffer economically or to watch you suffer economically because of your father’s mistake.

Nope -she enjoyed the manipulation and the game. Not every woman flies the banner of feminism. Some are just bitches.

ahh, yes, we feminists must stand up for our rights politely with smiles on our faces, otherwise, we are......bitches......

[Anonymous]

We survived an emotional (I think) affair. It was early in our marriage, prekids.

I confronted him with the voicemails and emails. He did not try to deny it or gaslight me. I told him if we had a chance in hell he could never speak to her again. I told him I would have full access to all his emails, voicemails and texts. He immediately agreed and never spoke to her again. He seemed remorseful. 14 years and 2 kids later we are still married. Nothing similar has happened again (that I know of) but obviously I still think about it sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We survived an emotional (I think) affair. It was early in our marriage, prekids.

I confronted him with the voicemails and emails. He did not try to deny it or gaslight me. I told him if we had a chance in hell he could never speak to her again. I told him I would have full access to all his emails, voicemails and texts. He immediately agreed and never spoke to her again. He seemed remorseful. 14 years and 2 kids later we are still married. Nothing similar has happened again (that I know of) but obviously I still think about it sometimes.

Do you get angry when you think about it? Do you let him know when it’s on your mind?

[Anonymous]

My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

So do you think you will initiate a divorce? Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

Honestly, your self-absorption is a bit mind-boggling. You betrayed him and your children in the worst way possible, and you’re upset he doesn’t love you like he used to? What did you expect? That you could do something horrible and things would get better?

[Anonymous]

I thought I had gotten over my ex wife’s cheating. But I kept seeing the two guys she slept with around town. Sometimes when we were together with kids. It was humiliating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

Honestly, your self-absorption is a bit mind-boggling. You betrayed him and your children in the worst way possible, and you’re upset he doesn’t love you like he used to? What did you expect? That you could do something horrible and things would get better?

Or did she expect things to be the way they were supposed to be in their marriage? That shipped sailed as soon as she slept with someone while married to her husband. She unilaterally changed the dynamic of her marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

I bet this is not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

Honestly, your self-absorption is a bit mind-boggling. You betrayed him and your children in the worst way possible, and you’re upset he doesn’t love you like he used to? What did you expect? That you could do something horrible and things would get better?

Or did she expect things to be the way they were supposed to be in their marriage? That shipped sailed as soon as she slept with someone while married to her husband. She unilaterally changed the dynamic of her marriage.

This. We stayed together, did counseling, etc. My DW expected that after a few years I would forget about it. I never have. Her feelings have never returned and now we are nothing more than co-parents. I have considered an AP myself recently but have not acted on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

I bet this is not the case.

No way in hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage survived (my) infidelity, 7 years ago. Husband trusts me fully. Unfortunately, I feel like his love for me never really returned. I've been waiting and I've finally accepted this year that its not happening. My husband likes me as well as any random person on the street. He is kind and treats me with respect. But if I died tomorrow, it would be a mild inconvenience to him, nothing more. If I knew it would be like this, I would have left. We never went to counseling (he wasn't interested). Both partners have to work to build a new, better marriage after an affair. If it doesn't look like that is going to happen, just leave.

I bet this is not the case.

No way in hell.

Be on the lookout of divorce papers being served when your youngest goes to college!!