Should my sibling inherit equally after no years of contact/eldercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?

OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

Your points are really bizarre. I don't know any woman who thinks that way. *Shudder*
And her being jealous? My siblings do most of the caretaking and I would absolutely insist they get more than me. It seems only fair.

Do you know any women who think it’s cool for a man to leer at his stepdaughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

You don’t want to get paid because you help mom as part of your moral code. But you should get more than your sister from inheritance because you help more.

What’s the difference?! It’s all the same money.

You think you are somehow morally superior if you ‘give’ help now but your your mom graces you with more inheritance. Stop helping if it’s so wrapped up in money for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

You don’t want to get paid because you help mom as part of your moral code. But you should get more than your sister from inheritance because you help more.

What’s the difference?! It’s all the same money.

You think you are somehow morally superior if you ‘give’ help now but your your mom graces you with more inheritance. Stop helping if it’s so wrapped up in money for you.

Ah. A response from a good-for-nothing sibling, perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like there are a lot of good-for-nothing siblings on this thread who don’t lift a finger to help their elderly parents, but expect to inherit the same amount as the one who does all of the hard work of caregiving.

OP here. This is EXACTLY what I think.

My sister and I are 18 months apart. I have a happy family life and a husband who earns a lot, but I also have small children and have to drive and hour each way, several times a week, to see my mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our stepdad didn't do anything except possibly admire us around the pool. He was with us from the time I was three and I'm the older sibling. We don't know our father. My sister's flimsy excuses are just that, flimsy. She cut off contact with mom after a heated argument about this.

I'm telling mom to do what she thinks is right. I will not be present at the meeting with her and her attorney but I have asked that she leave $ in a trust for my children, her grandchildren, if she wants to do something extra. I've already asked mom to include a clause to prevent my sister from contesting the will, whatever she decides.

Those of you who think it's OK to abandon your aging parents for some perceived slight or "look," then show up to collect when they are dead, are beyond disgusting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?

OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

Your points are really bizarre. I don't know any woman who thinks that way. *Shudder*
And her being jealous? My siblings do most of the caretaking and I would absolutely insist they get more than me. It seems only fair.

Do you know any women who think it’s cool for a man to leer at his stepdaughters?

What's the difference between leering and looking? In my experience, most men look. Even at their own daughters. As long as its not accompanied by touching, dirty remarks...I can't get too worked up. A lot of younger women are broadening the definition of abuse to the point that it means nothing. Women who are actually abused are disbelieved because of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like there are a lot of good-for-nothing siblings on this thread who don’t lift a finger to help their elderly parents, but expect to inherit the same amount as the one who does all of the hard work of caregiving.

OP here. This is EXACTLY what I think.

My sister and I are 18 months apart. I have a happy family life and a husband who earns a lot, but I also have small children and have to drive and hour each way, several times a week, to see my mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our stepdad didn't do anything except possibly admire us around the pool. He was with us from the time I was three and I'm the older sibling. We don't know our father. My sister's flimsy excuses are just that, flimsy. She cut off contact with mom after a heated argument about this.

I'm telling mom to do what she thinks is right. I will not be present at the meeting with her and her attorney but I have asked that she leave $ in a trust for my children, her grandchildren, if she wants to do something extra. I've already asked mom to include a clause to prevent my sister from contesting the will, whatever she decides.

Those of you who think it's OK to abandon your aging parents for some perceived slight or "look," then show up to collect when they are dead, are beyond disgusting!

Um, you think it’s okay for a GROWN MAN to “possibly admire” his stepchildren around the pool?

I’m guessing if your sister was willing to cut off contact, her excuses are not as flimsy as you’d like to think. But hey, it’s just as nice to have y Ur head in the sand as your toes, right?

You have issues, but you don’t know it yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?

OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

Your points are really bizarre. I don't know any woman who thinks that way. *Shudder*
And her being jealous? My siblings do most of the caretaking and I would absolutely insist they get more than me. It seems only fair.

Do you know any women who think it’s cool for a man to leer at his stepdaughters?

What's the difference between leering and looking? In my experience, most men look. Even at their own daughters. As long as its not accompanied by touching, dirty remarks...I can't get too worked up. A lot of younger women are broadening the definition of abuse to the point that it means nothing. Women who are actually abused are disbelieved because of this.

You’re kidding, right?

I was brutally raped by my stepfather for years. I wasn’t disbelieved because there were men leering at their daughters. I was disbelieved because I was surrounded by deniers, enablers, and addicts. I guess I fooled them with all that physical evidence.

A young being leered at by her stepfather, and who does not feel safe in her own home, still deserves to be heard. I do not compare my experience to theirs. Suffering is not a competition.

So f you. Don’t speak for me. No, “Most” men don’t look, especially at their own daughters. If my DH ever does, and I see it, he will be thankful to have eyeballs ever again.

Seriously, get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

You don’t want to get paid because you help mom as part of your moral code. But you should get more than your sister from inheritance because you help more.

What’s the difference?! It’s all the same money.

You think you are somehow morally superior if you ‘give’ help now but your your mom graces you with more inheritance. Stop helping if it’s so wrapped up in money for you.

Ah. A response from a good-for-nothing sibling, perhaps?

No! A response from someone who has two patents die after long illnesses and who was very involved in both scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?

OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

Your points are really bizarre. I don't know any woman who thinks that way. *Shudder*
And her being jealous? My siblings do most of the caretaking and I would absolutely insist they get more than me. It seems only fair.

Do you know any women who think it’s cool for a man to leer at his stepdaughters?

What's the difference between leering and looking? In my experience, most men look. Even at their own daughters. As long as its not accompanied by touching, dirty remarks...I can't get too worked up. A lot of younger women are broadening the definition of abuse to the point that it means nothing. Women who are actually abused are disbelieved because of this.

This is so gross. I hate to think of what you might be excusing under your own roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like there are a lot of good-for-nothing siblings on this thread who don’t lift a finger to help their elderly parents, but expect to inherit the same amount as the one who does all of the hard work of caregiving.

OP here. This is EXACTLY what I think.

My sister and I are 18 months apart. I have a happy family life and a husband who earns a lot, but I also have small children and have to drive and hour each way, several times a week, to see my mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our stepdad didn't do anything except possibly admire us around the pool. He was with us from the time I was three and I'm the older sibling. We don't know our father. My sister's flimsy excuses are just that, flimsy. She cut off contact with mom after a heated argument about this.

I'm telling mom to do what she thinks is right. I will not be present at the meeting with her and her attorney but I have asked that she leave $ in a trust for my children, her grandchildren, if she wants to do something extra. I've already asked mom to include a clause to prevent my sister from contesting the will, whatever she decides.

Those of you who think it's OK to abandon your aging parents for some perceived slight or "look," then show up to collect when they are dead, are beyond disgusting!

There is something wrong with you. Nice using your kids to play on her heartstrings for money.

[Anonymous]

OP seems really sick and bizarre. Her story and motivations keeps on changing. She is revealing her true colors here. She is excusing her stepdad's behavior and not believing her sister. She is also trying hard to alienate her sister and make sure that she does not inherit.

Won't be surprised that she has bullied her mom to agree to give her everything. Her resentment of her sister's social life and career is pretty obvious of her jealousy. What a stinking shit piece of a human being!!

[Anonymous]

Wow you should split the estate 5050

There’s no reason not to have a conversation with your mom if she doesn’t want to split the estate

You can tell her mom I think would be best that you do split things 50-50 however advance of your mom passing there’s Apsley no reason why she can’t help your family in private

529 contribution for your children

Maybe your driving an old car your mom can buy you a new car.

If she wants she can do a lot for you financially to compensate you for everything that you have done

This is how it works in the real world when you have siblings and one well earned the other sometimes families will help those that don’t hurt as much with private gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?



OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

Your points are really bizarre. I don't know any woman who thinks that way. *Shudder*
And her being jealous? My siblings do most of the caretaking and I would absolutely insist they get more than me. It seems only fair.

Do you know any women who think it’s cool for a man to leer at his stepdaughters?

What's the difference between leering and looking? In my experience, most men look. Even at their own daughters. As long as its not accompanied by touching, dirty remarks...I can't get too worked up. A lot of younger women are broadening the definition of abuse to the point that it means nothing. Women who are actually abused are disbelieved because of this.

What?!? No, most men do NOT look at their daughters. You may want to consider therapy if you actually think that's normal.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I now think OP is a troll. Admitting that their stepdad ogled them at the pool and acting like it was no big deal put it over the top.

Also, there's no such thing as a clause that prevents someone from contesting a will. That's kind of the point of contesting - saying that the testator was unduly influenced or lacked the capacity or whatever your argument may be. There's no magic "no, I mean it!" clause. But good luck with that.

That said, in the off chance OP is real, I wouldn't lose any more sleep over this. It's pretty clear that your sister is well rid of your dysfunctional family. I suspect someone busy with an active social life and career will consider a lost inheritance a small price to pay for her dignity. Let you mom do whatever. And if you have a daughter, keep her away from your stepdad.