Should my sibling inherit equally after no years of contact/eldercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

I think it's shitty your mom is even considering your input. Pretend as though there is no money. To her or you.

If he made her feel uncomfortable you should believe her.

Nah. She's lying about it. And even if she's telling the truth, that does not mean she should get a pass for her shitty behavior or 50% of the inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, she should not inherit half. If you are putting up with 90% of the eldercare aggro, you should get 90% of the money.

How weird to think like this. There was a lifetime before that. Should those years not count? [Nope.]
Equal shares are always best, OP. [Nope.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want to be paid fair dues for the caretaking of your mom? You can ask her for that and get paid the hourly wages for doing caretaking work (not visiting with your mom!).

Speaking as someone who does eldercare now, unless it is a spectacularly large estate, I doubt there would be anything left over after the OP was fairly compensated for her time, effort, and stress. (Which, by the way, the OP should certainly begin documenting.)

And oh by the way, OP should also be paid for "just visiting with her mom", which contributes significantly to the mental well-being of her mom.

[Anonymous]

It's a terrible thing to directly associate caregiving for a parent with distribution of assets.

Some children cannot care for their parent, despite a loving heart. And a long life should not be boiled down to what happens during one's last years - surely the non-caregiving child gave this parent much joy throughout their life.

And on a broader scale, should "merit" be the sole criterion for inheritance? Could inheritance be viewed as a birthright?

However you choose to look at it, OP comes across as really spiteful and resentful - not a good basis to judge on her own financial future. Don't be judge and jury!

[Anonymous]

Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done the lion’s share of eldecare and emotional labor despite raising children and having chronic illness. When my dad found out one of my kids is a lesbian, he cut me out of his will. Everything goes to my three brothers who have not been present for a variety of reasons voluntary and involuntary. One brother hasn’t talked to my dad in 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like there are a lot of good-for-nothing siblings on this thread who don’t lift a finger to help their elderly parents, but expect to inherit the same amount as the one who does all of the hard work of caregiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My sister has said our stepdad didn't touch her but he looked at her and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course he looked at us. He also helped us with homework, sports, etc.

She won't help care for my mom but I really think it's her selfishness. She has a very busy social and career life. No, I don't ask my mom to pay me for going to see about her. Maybe I should but that seems really mercenary. I consider it part of my family responsibility. By the same token my sister's neglect doubles the amount I need to do so I don't think she's entitled to half.

Could it be that sister was prettier and thus a target of stepdad's lecherous looking? Could that have made OP jealous because the male in the house was paying the sister more attention?

OP also sounds jealous of sister's social life and career. Perhaps this is more about sibling rivalry and a case of sour grapes as far as OP is concerned and she is justifying it to show that she is a better daughter to her mother. In reality, a good daughter would give her parents the happiness of thinking that the relationship between the siblings was loving, even if it was a pretence for the sake of parents.

Your points are really bizarre. I don't know any woman who thinks that way. *Shudder*
And her being jealous? My siblings do most of the caretaking and I would absolutely insist they get more than me. It seems only fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like there are a lot of good-for-nothing siblings on this thread who don’t lift a finger to help their elderly parents, but expect to inherit the same amount as the one who does all of the hard work of caregiving.

I wrote the above and I am an only child who watched her mother, aunts and uncle tear the family apart because of an unequal inheritance. I KNOW how painful it is to lose part of your family because people fight over money and never reconcile. I have a cousin who won't speak to me because her parent and my parent were on opposite sides. I see the same fight brewing over my IL's inheritance.

Money makes people do crazy things. Take it out of the equation, everybody gets an equal share no matter what they did or did not do. Then we'll see which child takes care of their parent when there's no financial incentive to do so...

[Anonymous]

Of course

How is this even a question?

It's not based on "deserving" your mom should do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course

How is this even a question?

It's not based on "deserving" your mom should do what she wants.

Finally, a voice of reason.

[Anonymous]

It’s not your decision to make. Please look up the definition of undue influence. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/undue-influence.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course

How is this even a question?

It's not based on "deserving" your mom should do what she wants.

Finally, a voice of reason.

Not really. Her mom values the OPs input or she wouldn't have asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course

How is this even a question?

It's not based on "deserving" your mom should do what she wants.

Finally, a voice of reason.

Not really. Her mom values the OPs input or she wouldn't have asked for it.

And she should say "whatever you want is fine with me mom."

Look the mom obviously wants to do half and half but is afraid of OP's reaction. Otherwise why even bring it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seems like a lot of sock-pupetting going on in this thread, in OP's favor.

It's ridiculous to think that a child caregiver should be compensated for her visits to her elderly parent.

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like there are a lot of good-for-nothing siblings on this thread who don’t lift a finger to help their elderly parents, but expect to inherit the same amount as the one who does all of the hard work of caregiving.

I wrote the above and I am an only child who watched her mother, aunts and uncle tear the family apart because of an unequal inheritance. I KNOW how painful it is to lose part of your family because people fight over money and never reconcile. I have a cousin who won't speak to me because her parent and my parent were on opposite sides. I see the same fight brewing over my IL's inheritance.

Money makes people do crazy things. Take it out of the equation, everybody gets an equal share no matter what they did or did not do. Then we'll see which child takes care of their parent when there's no financial incentive to do so...

and

I still disagree. By the time an elderly parent dies, the family is often torn apart already. It may seem like battles are about money, but they are often about who shouldered the burden of caregiving and who ran from it. Taking care of the elderly is not an easy task in the best of circumstances.

I’m currently doing the heavy lifting while my sibling does nothing. I know that I’m doing the right thing and acting out of love (without expectation of an inheritance). I know the will says if anything is left, it will be divided equally. It does sting, but I’m still doing what needs to be done. Karma