I feel like I am going to explode but I can't say anything

[Anonymous]

OP, you act like everything is happening to you. This is your life to. On it and make your expectations known. Good God

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you act like everything is happening to you. This is your life to. On it and make your expectations known. Good God

Op is not the high earner. Her husband should have more say in where they move.

[Anonymous]

This thread sounds vaugely familiar. Did you post about a year ago about which job your husband should take? If I remember correctly he has a PhD in math and one of the jobs was Medicare data analysis in Florida. Everyone recommended that he take the other job in San Fransisco.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds vaugely familiar. Did you post about a year ago about which job your husband should take? If I remember correctly he has a PhD in math and one of the jobs was Medicare data analysis in Florida. Everyone recommended that he take the other job in San Fransisco.

Op here. No. That wasn't me. He has never had a job offer in California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

OP, honestly, you don't seem to know anything about your husband's career options, but you're just disappointed that he's not able to find a permanent position. Do you think that's fair -- you don't know anything about career opportunities in his field yet you're willing to criticize him?

You should really focus on your own career. It is never a good idea to be a grown woman with a child who only works for $55K. Your goal should be to worry about yourself and getting your salary up to a level where you could conceivably support the child you have should your DH get hit by a bus or divorce you.

Stop worrying about your husband's career and put that energy into your own career and whatever side gigs you can come up with for more income. When your DH comes to you with a hard offer, then the two of you can sit down and negotiate whether to take it or not based on all the numbers and your and his future career prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

I can’t offer much insight into the issue of how the timing of citizenship status, his industry and professional qualifications intermingle with securing permanent work but I’m curious too. Maybe someone more familiar with what you’re sharing can do this.

Lack of citizenship can certainly affect your ability to get a job. However, now that he’s a citizen none of that applies. Even on government applications nobody asks how long you e been a citizen (actually it would be illegal to discriminate based upon naturalization date.) His resume would be treated the same as any other American. Sure, there might be a little discrimination at the interview stage based on accent/communication skills, but this doesn’t explain an inability to find a permanent position with a very marketable degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

OP, honestly, you don't seem to know anything about your husband's career options, but you're just disappointed that he's not able to find a permanent position. Do you think that's fair -- you don't know anything about career opportunities in his field yet you're willing to criticize him?

You should really focus on your own career. It is never a good idea to be a grown woman with a child who only works for $55K. Your goal should be to worry about yourself and getting your salary up to a level where you could conceivably support the child you have should your DH get hit by a bus or divorce you.

Stop worrying about your husband's career and put that energy into your own career and whatever side gigs you can come up with for more income. When your DH comes to you with a hard offer, then the two of you can sit down and negotiate whether to take it or not based on all the numbers and your and his future career prospects.

Newsflash: plenty of Americans do not make 6 figures. It doesn't make them any less of a parent. You're being very harsh here with the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

I can’t offer much insight into the issue of how the timing of citizenship status, his industry and professional qualifications intermingle with securing permanent work but I’m curious too. Maybe someone more familiar with what you’re sharing can do this.

Lack of citizenship can certainly affect your ability to get a job. However, now that he’s a citizen none of that applies. Even on government applications nobody asks how long you e been a citizen (actually it would be illegal to discriminate based upon naturalization date.) His resume would be treated the same as any other American. Sure, there might be a little discrimination at the interview stage based on accent/communication skills, but this doesn’t explain an inability to find a permanent position with a very marketable degree.

This. I bet OP's husband has communication problems. I wonder if there is a way to help him with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

OP, honestly, you don't seem to know anything about your husband's career options, but you're just disappointed that he's not able to find a permanent position. Do you think that's fair -- you don't know anything about career opportunities in his field yet you're willing to criticize him?

You should really focus on your own career. It is never a good idea to be a grown woman with a child who only works for $55K. Your goal should be to worry about yourself and getting your salary up to a level where you could conceivably support the child you have should your DH get hit by a bus or divorce you.

Stop worrying about your husband's career and put that energy into your own career and whatever side gigs you can come up with for more income. When your DH comes to you with a hard offer, then the two of you can sit down and negotiate whether to take it or not based on all the numbers and your and his future career prospects.

You don't know anything about pharmaceutical jobs either pp so back off. I don't think trying to understand her husband's field is being overly critical. It's a valid reason anyone would like to understand. I don't know about pharmaceutical companies but it's common for IT people to work as consultants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

OP, honestly, you don't seem to know anything about your husband's career options, but you're just disappointed that he's not able to find a permanent position. Do you think that's fair -- you don't know anything about career opportunities in his field yet you're willing to criticize him?

You should really focus on your own career. It is never a good idea to be a grown woman with a child who only works for $55K. Your goal should be to worry about yourself and getting your salary up to a level where you could conceivably support the child you have should your DH get hit by a bus or divorce you.

Stop worrying about your husband's career and put that energy into your own career and whatever side gigs you can come up with for more income. When your DH comes to you with a hard offer, then the two of you can sit down and negotiate whether to take it or not based on all the numbers and your and his future career prospects.

Newsflash: plenty of Americans do not make 6 figures. It doesn't make them any less of a parent. You're being very harsh here with the OP.

I agree. But, $55K is pretty low for 2 people. That doesn't make OP a bad person or "less of a parent". But, it does mean that she should focus on herself. She is more in control of her own career. She needs to make sure she can make enough money to support herself in case of emergency. I'd give the same advice to any woman-- worry more about developing your own career than developing your husband's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

I can’t offer much insight into the issue of how the timing of citizenship status, his industry and professional qualifications intermingle with securing permanent work but I’m curious too. Maybe someone more familiar with what you’re sharing can do this.

Lack of citizenship can certainly affect your ability to get a job. However, now that he’s a citizen none of that applies. Even on government applications nobody asks how long you e been a citizen (actually it would be illegal to discriminate based upon naturalization date.) His resume would be treated the same as any other American. Sure, there might be a little discrimination at the interview stage based on accent/communication skills, but this doesn’t explain an inability to find a permanent position with a very marketable degree.

This. I bet OP's husband has communication problems. I wonder if there is a way to help him with this?

In the OP she said he only recently became a citizen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

OP, honestly, you don't seem to know anything about your husband's career options, but you're just disappointed that he's not able to find a permanent position. Do you think that's fair -- you don't know anything about career opportunities in his field yet you're willing to criticize him?

You should really focus on your own career. It is never a good idea to be a grown woman with a child who only works for $55K. Your goal should be to worry about yourself and getting your salary up to a level where you could conceivably support the child you have should your DH get hit by a bus or divorce you.

Stop worrying about your husband's career and put that energy into your own career and whatever side gigs you can come up with for more income. When your DH comes to you with a hard offer, then the two of you can sit down and negotiate whether to take it or not based on all the numbers and your and his future career prospects.

Newsflash: plenty of Americans do not make 6 figures. It doesn't make them any less of a parent. You're being very harsh here with the OP.

I agree. But, $55K is pretty low for 2 people. That doesn't make OP a bad person or "less of a parent". But, it does mean that she should focus on herself. She is more in control of her own career. She needs to make sure she can make enough money to support herself in case of emergency. I'd give the same advice to any woman-- worry more about developing your own career than developing your husband's.

There are plenty of people making 55k in Florida and they're doing just fine PP. You don't understand how the majority of Americans live. Florida is poverty ridden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your reply OP. Then I go back to my original suggestion of evaluating the quantitative value of each choice in a spreadsheet of COA 1 Move vs COA 2 Stay. $55K plus $95K in an area where he has a 3 year contract fresh out of school with limited prior experience meets the financial need right now. This sounds like it’s about his ego and disappointment in a raise. Hopefully if he truly considers an opportunity out of state, the numbers make the argument and you will be in agreement with any transition worthy of consideration at that time.

You are both providing $150k combined HHI in a low COL area on a 3-ye contract with a good company to have tenure with. You have childcare stability for your 2yo, can afford rent and hopefully are tackling student loan/savings/financial goals. You hold a 1mo new WFH position for you (which isn’t guaranteed to exist out of state today, but could be if you price your value to the company for another 1-2yrs and build trust remotely).

He needs a real offer, for a permanent opportunity with measurable benefits that you can quantify before you worry about moving.

until then, unless there is some other issue we are missing here, I don’t see why you can’t share your concerns with him around your point of view in the matter.

It is tough with a 2 year old. I moved twice with one.

Op here. I guess I don't understand why he can't find a permanent position. He says it's very common in his field to start as a contractor
I don't know how accurate that is. I don't know anything about data science/ Bio statisticians. I also don't have any international friends in this field. I know a lot of international people who work in IT and they are all contractors. The difference between them and my husband is that my husband recently became a citizen. He doesn't have Visas to worry about anymore.

OP, honestly, you don't seem to know anything about your husband's career options, but you're just disappointed that he's not able to find a permanent position. Do you think that's fair -- you don't know anything about career opportunities in his field yet you're willing to criticize him?

You should really focus on your own career. It is never a good idea to be a grown woman with a child who only works for $55K. Your goal should be to worry about yourself and getting your salary up to a level where you could conceivably support the child you have should your DH get hit by a bus or divorce you.

Stop worrying about your husband's career and put that energy into your own career and whatever side gigs you can come up with for more income. When your DH comes to you with a hard offer, then the two of you can sit down and negotiate whether to take it or not based on all the numbers and your and his future career prospects.

Newsflash: plenty of Americans do not make 6 figures. It doesn't make them any less of a parent. You're being very harsh here with the OP.

I agree. But, $55K is pretty low for 2 people. That doesn't make OP a bad person or "less of a parent". But, it does mean that she should focus on herself. She is more in control of her own career. She needs to make sure she can make enough money to support herself in case of emergency. I'd give the same advice to any woman-- worry more about developing your own career than developing your husband's.

There are plenty of people making 55k in Florida and they're doing just fine PP. You don't understand how the majority of Americans live. Florida is poverty ridden.

In South Florida 50k is very difficult to live on even as a single person who doesn’t over do it. The cost of living is astronomical vs. income. It’s tougher with a family. Other parts of the state ( like North Florida) allow for a nice life with that income. Childcare is only $800 per month for example.

[Anonymous]

OP said she is in North Florida.

[Anonymous]

Again, my point is one is always better off working on one's own salary.

Investing time and effort in analyzing your husband's career in an effort to improve that is a waste of energy. Invest in what you control and own -- yourself.