Sleepovers-anyone else refuse to host or let their kids go to one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers were a great way for me, as a child, to learn how other families worked, how people dealt with siblings (I was an only child), how to eat food I was unfamiliar with, how to be away from my parents and my own home, how to tough out feelings of homesickness, how to enjoy new things and how to say "no" to things I felt uncomfortable with, what to do when other people went to bed earlier than me (I packed books and frequently read after the other kid had fallen asleep) and, ultimately, that staying up as late as I wanted made me feel like crap the next day. All, I would argue, lessons that served me later on in life.
Hell yeah, I'm letting my child do sleepovers -- with families I know and with whom I feel comfortable. And, just like when I was a kid, I'll give her a lecture about what to do if she feels unsafe and wants to come home.

+1

To the parents who don't allow sleepovers, is that going to be the rule until your child is 18? Some of my happiest memories from high school are from sleepovers with a group of close friends.

Op here. No. Once they get to high school I think it's fine. I have 2 boys so I doubt it will be a regular thing like it might be with girls. I don't think it's as big of a deal in high school when they are fully able to detect when things are unsafe/don't feel right and are not afraid to say something.

Mom of a HS junior DS. Sleepovers are almost every weekend at someone’s house. In fact, I’ve got 3 of them upstairs who just woke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers were a great way for me, as a child, to learn how other families worked, how people dealt with siblings (I was an only child), how to eat food I was unfamiliar with, how to be away from my parents and my own home, how to tough out feelings of homesickness, how to enjoy new things and how to say "no" to things I felt uncomfortable with, what to do when other people went to bed earlier than me (I packed books and frequently read after the other kid had fallen asleep) and, ultimately, that staying up as late as I wanted made me feel like crap the next day. All, I would argue, lessons that served me later on in life.
Hell yeah, I'm letting my child do sleepovers -- with families I know and with whom I feel comfortable. And, just like when I was a kid, I'll give her a lecture about what to do if she feels unsafe and wants to come home.

I like all of this.

Me too!

I had such fun at sleepovers, and know that my dd does too. I feel lucky that we have a close group of friends we've gotten to know through school who all do a pretty good job of trading invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH prosecutes sex offenders. He has seen a lot of cases of things happening at sleepovers, so we don't do them. I also have to say that I remember a friend's older brother coming and messing with me when I was sleeping at her house in HS. So I agree with this.

Exactly this. It takes one incident to change their lives forever. Why risk it?

Hate to break it to you but most are a family friend/known by child and not a stranger at a sleep over. You find sex offenders everywhere- school (teacher reactly in the news), church, etc. Your time would be better spent educating your child.

[Anonymous]

I don't like sleepovers either. Never hosted one because I like my sleep too much.

Older kid (MS age) has been on one only a couple of times - only when we know the other family very well. I dislike these too because she's a super-tired mess afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Lice should not be that common and you would know in advance if the kid had allergies. I never liked sleepovers as a kid. My kids have not seemed that interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I’m a pretty strict parent about a lot of things but think the anti-sleepover parents are nuts and your kids are going to hold it against you as they grow up.

The chances of anything going seriously wrong are so slim- most kids know their allergies by sleepover age. If you are friends with the families you know the kids and their potential issues. Don’t have sleepovers with kids you don’t know, but get over it and don’t rain on your kids’ fun.

And lice isn’t the end of the world. Teach your kid not to share their hairbrush and pillow.

+1.

I feel sorry for the kids that don’t get to experience sleepovers with friends because of their nutty parents.

I feel sorry for the kids who get molested at sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I’m a pretty strict parent about a lot of things but think the anti-sleepover parents are nuts and your kids are going to hold it against you as they grow up.

The chances of anything going seriously wrong are so slim- most kids know their allergies by sleepover age. If you are friends with the families you know the kids and their potential issues. Don’t have sleepovers with kids you don’t know, but get over it and don’t rain on your kids’ fun.

And lice isn’t the end of the world. Teach your kid not to share their hairbrush and pillow.

+1.

I feel sorry for the kids that don’t get to experience sleepovers with friends because of their nutty parents.

I feel sorry for the kids who get molested at sleepovers.

You must know this is extremely uncommon, likely less common than moleststion by family/friend/teacher/religious leader.

[Anonymous]

For those of you not allowing sleepovers because you are worried your child will get molested, are you going to allow them to go on any trips in high school? I don’t mean international trips but an overnight with a sports team, band or club? I let my child go to sleepovers but those scare me. They are a few years away and I’ll let them go but be worried at least at first.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers are a very American concept. We're European, and it's really not a thing, so we don't feel bad not hosting them, and thankfully my kids have friends (mostly international, but some American) who don't host them either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you not allowing sleepovers because you are worried your child will get molested, are you going to allow them to go on any trips in high school? I don’t mean international trips but an overnight with a sports team, band or club? I let my child go to sleepovers but those scare me. They are a few years away and I’ll let them go but be worried at least at first.

No or one of us would volunteer to chaperone if he really wanted to go.

[Anonymous]

My DD has them pretty much every weekend (mostly here as she is a homebody but other houses too.) In her group - 'double sleepovers' are a thing where they spend two nights. There are def some kids in her class/our neighborhood who never sleep over but its rare.

And as far as being an American concept? That has certainly not been my experience. When we lived in Europe it maybe wasn't such a casual thing of a night on a weekend (though that certainly happned) but I was certainly invited for extended visits with families (on my own and sometimes with family.) And this was same for my own kids when we lives in France and England 5 plus years ago. Actually one of our French neighbors prided herself on getting popcorn as she saw in movies that that is what kids expect.

The only time I dislike sleepovers are for my DD birthdays where she invites her huge group of friends for a sleepover party. I do a happy dance at every 'sorry have to pick them up in evening': our house is not big so DD's hope of 20 kids here is my nightmare!!!!

[Anonymous]

I do not find it strange that you won't host sleepovers or let your elementary school age kids attend one.

I am totally weirded out that you only do playdates where the parent always stays. Are your kids in K? Maybe 1st? If they are older than this, you'll probably have to cut the umbilical cord at some point. I mean, I have said no many times to parents I don't trust. But allowing no drop-off playdates at all is very strange and helicoptery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not find it strange that you won't host sleepovers or let your elementary school age kids attend one.

I am totally weirded out that you only do playdates where the parent always stays. Are your kids in K? Maybe 1st? If they are older than this, you'll probably have to cut the umbilical cord at some point. I mean, I have said no many times to parents I don't trust. But allowing no drop-off playdates at all is very strange and helicoptery.

My boys (they are twins) are in kindergarten. (OP here)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not find it strange that you won't host sleepovers or let your elementary school age kids attend one.

I am totally weirded out that you only do playdates where the parent always stays. Are your kids in K? Maybe 1st? If they are older than this, you'll probably have to cut the umbilical cord at some point. I mean, I have said no many times to parents I don't trust. But allowing no drop-off playdates at all is very strange and helicoptery.

My boys (they are twins) are in kindergarten. (OP here)

I see. Expect drop off requests to start soon. For elementary school kids it’s odd for parents to stay.

[Anonymous]

My son has only had a couple sleepovers but goes to youth events at our church routinely where they spend the night. He absolutely loves these events but it's hard because he is useless the next day. I'm not worried about safety. My kid is quick to speak up if he is uncomfortable. I have chaperoned these events and there are always multiple adults with eyes on the kids.
And of course in Scouts he is out in the woods in a tent every month!