Threatened estrangement/emotional blackmail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so where did OP's son learn to take care of his house/property and family? or does he think his paycheck is suffice and the magic fairy does all the other 100 things?

Oh no, it's not OP's precious son's fault. It is all DIL. That is why she makes no comments regarding her precious nor will reply to inquires about him. Evil DIL. It's textbook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Believe it or not, your grandkids will be fine without you.

Sadly, this is true. They will grow up just like any other kid that never had any grandparents.
The only difference is they'll learn to believe that grandparents don't matter. That it's ok not to visit them or have any meaningful contact with them.

...and then one day - YOU are that grandparent.

Sometimes it can go the other way - if they grow up thinking that grandparents are a major PITA that create problems and drama out of nothing, they will naturally want to avoid that for their own children.

[Anonymous]

I’m really rooting for the DIL to follow through on her threats. OP does not seem to be a kind, compassionate grandma.

[Anonymous]

OP has been back to continue to unload on DIL, but no mention of her son despite many posters asking...

Telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to call CPS.

I have LOTS of compassion for DIL. I've offered all kinds of help but I'm not going to drug kids to sleep or put up with fleas. I will pay for exterminator, dog grooming but I'm told there's not a problem. There is.

She can take break from me if she wants but its the kids that will suffer the most. Still, I'm up to here with her nastiness and threats.

Sounds like you both need a break from one another.

The kids will be fine.

My grandmother fought with my parents a lot.
I found a way to spend time with her as an adult.

Later I saw what she was doing and better understood the conflict.
(For example, she would serve expired food to us and my mom would protest, so she'd blame her, or my dad would say we were going away for a holiday and she would "forget" to take her insulin so we'd have to come home and see her in the hospital). My dad stopped speaking to her long before my mom did, because she thought kids needed a grandmother no matter what.

You should take some of this up with your son, but be ready for him to side with his wife.

Offer specific help, and then if they refuse it, accept that.

Meet them in neutral places like restaurants.

[Anonymous]

Gah. I started feeling itchy when I saw the word "fleas"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their $500,000 house is literally jumping with fleas. I won't go their house to sit anymore and insist on bathing kids and changing clothing when they come here. That's the latest. (I also draw the line at drugging kids with Benadryl at bedtime.)

I've deferred to most things. They still aren't potty trained at four and have terrible food habits. I usually refrain from commenting on such but drugs and bugs have been too much for me.

I know this is not going to be a popular suggestion but this might be worth calling CPS? (More for the fleas and drugging the kids then delayed potty training)

As someone who has experience calling CPS on a family member who was seriously neglecting her kids, there is no way they are going to care about fleas and Benadryl.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if you’re my MIL. She’d write a lot of this. But if you asked me, the flip side would look like this:

We had fleas about three years ago and she still acts like we’re infested even though the issue has been long taken care of, because she’s an obsessive clean freak. She also likes to shame us (me) by bringing this past issue up anytime we invite anyone over. She called and basically canceled a birthday because she didn’t want anyone to get infested. There are no fleas!!

My kids both have asthma that is triggered by MILs scentsy, Yankees candles, and gain pellets. When they spent the night I would preemptively give them Benadryl so they could sleep and not wake up wheezing. MIL was always adamant that they did not need it and scents couldn’t bother anyone! This is back when I was so desperate to be on good terms with her that I skirted around my children’s health against my better judgment. They don’t spend the night anymore.

There are two sides to every story is what I’m saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if you’re my MIL. She’d write a lot of this. But if you asked me, the flip side would look like this:

We had fleas about three years ago and she still acts like we’re infested even though the issue has been long taken care of, because she’s an obsessive clean freak. She also likes to shame us (me) by bringing this past issue up anytime we invite anyone over. She called and basically canceled a birthday because she didn’t want anyone to get infested. There are no fleas!!

My kids both have asthma that is triggered by MILs scentsy, Yankees candles, and gain pellets. When they spent the night I would preemptively give them Benadryl so they could sleep and not wake up wheezing. MIL was always adamant that they did not need it and scents couldn’t bother anyone! This is back when I was so desperate to be on good terms with her that I skirted around my children’s health against my better judgment. They don’t spend the night anymore.

There are two sides to every story is what I’m saying.

This is quite interesting

[Anonymous]

Wait - it sounds like she gave the benodryl to help her son sleep because he had a reaction to the flea bites and was itching. That is NOT “drugging kids to sleep”!! It’s actially an appropriate use for benodryl. Now I understand why your DIL is upset with you. Geez.

How do you know it’s fleas and not a bedbug outbreak (which can happen to anyone)? My guess is that your perception is not the reality.

[Anonymous]

I’m on team OP and I’m not a MIL. Seriously, DIL is a a bitch if OP is full disclosure. She has every right to make sure gkids are clean and free of fleas on their bodies and clothing! What parent subjects kids to this? If DIL was a decent mother she would allow kids to stay at gma’s flea free home until she deals with fleas and pet (which gma is willing to pay for). I’m concerned for her grandkids. The temporary relief of Benadryl is ok short term, but it doesn’t solve the problem.