Reply to Threatened estrangement/emotional blackmail

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not going to call CPS.

I have LOTS of compassion for DIL. I've offered all kinds of help but I'm not going to drug kids to sleep or put up with fleas. I will pay for exterminator, dog grooming but I'm told there's not a problem. There is.

She can take break from me if she wants but its the kids that will suffer the most. Still, I'm up to here with her nastiness and threats.
[/quote]

Sounds like you both need a break from one another.

The kids will be fine.

My grandmother fought with my parents a lot.
I found a way to spend time with her as an adult.

Later I saw what she was doing and better understood the conflict.
(For example, she would serve expired food to us and my mom would protest, so she'd blame her, or my dad would say we were going away for a holiday and she would "forget" to take her insulin so we'd have to come home and see her in the hospital). My dad stopped speaking to her long before my mom did, because she thought kids needed a grandmother no matter what.

You should take some of this up with your son, but be ready for him to side with his wife.

Offer specific help, and then if they refuse it, accept that.

Meet them in neutral places like restaurants. 
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