Threatened estrangement/emotional blackmail
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Anonymous
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OP, I would try to get some professional help here. This sounds like a really difficult situation that most people are not equipped to handle.
If the situation is as you describe, calling CPS would be appropriate. On the other hand, if you are, like many inlaws, creating drama by way over stating the case (e.g. they got a new kitten from a shelter and had some fleas in the house for a couple of weeks, one kid was sick when you were there and got benadryl when you didn't think it was quite necessary, one kid had an accident when you were there which you generalize to "they are not potty trained") then you need therapy. We can't tell from your posts which is the case, buy you should talk to a professional. |
Anonymous
| Why are you having so much contact with her? What is there to fight about? Make arrangements to see your grandchildren through your son. |
Anonymous
| The DC area has recently had an outbreak of Frontline (flea treatment)-resistant fleas. Our dog picked them up and it took months and months to get rid of them - working with the vet, two exterminators, professional cleaners, and my kid's doctor as one of them is allergic to fleas. The thing that worked the best - salt everywhere after exterminator treatment + washing everything (or keeping in sealed bags for weeks if unwashable). Also benydryl is what my doctor recommended too for bites that itch. It was crazy stressful for many months. I bet your DIL is very stressed out about the situation as I was. I know if my MIL started making backhanded comments to me I'd be very upset, especially as I was trying everything and just trying to make it through the day. Also this flea collar has been helpful and is what our vet recommends - https://www.petbasics.com/products/seresto/?WHGRedir=1 |
Anonymous
Also if my MIL called CPS on me during this, I honestly don't know how bad I'd react, but I'd be pissed and I wouldn't forgive her. That's nuclear war in my book. |
Anonymous
Ding, ding, ding. Correct answer! OP is following it like a textbook with her drama that she is spewing. |
Anonymous
Yes, our dog got the same. It was awful for her. Luckily, we were able to get it under control fairly quickly, but until our vet told us about the Frontline resistance, nothing worked. We switched to Advantage, and it made all the difference. |
Anonymous
| Again, where is your son in this? Your DIL can't unilaterally cut you off from their kids, so why are you ignoring his part in this? |
Anonymous
Is this OP? What does your grown son have to say about his home jumping with fleas and lice as well as his 4 yo in diapers? What's his 50% responsibility in this development Grandma? |
Anonymous
| What does Grandpa have to say? |
Anonymous
I have never in 10 years had a "disagreement" with my inlaws. What is there to disagree about? What restaurant to go to, or how long to visit? Were you the one who posted that their is a lice outbreak in their house? Are they getting it fumagated or new mattresses, etc.? I don't understand what is driving the supposed problems. Is neither adult son nor adult DIL capable or running a house and raising a kid well? If so sounds like a bad situation. I would call CPS on both of them. If something else is going on and your meddling has gotten DIL to the point of "threatening estrangement/emotional blackmail", then back off for awhile and let them do their thing together. |
Anonymous
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So you know she is stressed out.
You say you always offer to babysit. When you babysit, you won't come to their house. When they come to your house, you imply they are not clean enough (or have fleas) and that they don't need the medicine they have at home. When they come to your house, you call the shots and make them take a bath and change their clothes. I wonder why she doesn't want them spending more time with you. "Welcome to Grandma's. Leave your clothes in a bag at the door and let me tell you what your mom is doing wrong." |
Anonymous
| Go to their house to babysit. Bring a box of borax with you. While they’re away, sprinkle it around, then vacuum it up. That will solve the flea problem. If she wants you to give them Benadryl, tell her you did, but don’t do it. |
Anonymous
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OP, I imagine you have a complete lack of compassion for your DIL.
I hope she does take a break from you |
Anonymous
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I'm not going to call CPS.
I have LOTS of compassion for DIL. I've offered all kinds of help but I'm not going to drug kids to sleep or put up with fleas. I will pay for exterminator, dog grooming but I'm told there's not a problem. There is. She can take break from me if she wants but its the kids that will suffer the most. Still, I'm up to here with her nastiness and threats. |
Anonymous
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Ugh fleas. FYI: animals and humans can acquire tapeworms from fleas. Eggs of tapeworms serve as food to flea larvae. When fleas swallow these eggs, the tapeworms begin to thrive in their guts. Your pets can swallow these tapeworm-infected fleas and have the worms reside in their own body. What's worse is that people are susceptible to unknowingly swallowing these fleas and become infected with tapeworms as well.
As miserable as the kids are with constant flea bites, the animal is probably miserable as well. And if they live in a townhouse, the fleas can somehow find their way into the house on the other side of the wall. Getting rid of fleas isn’t just as simple as grooming the dog and setting off one flea bomb. Can you enlist your son in joining the war on fleas? |