Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ask him. Regardless of why he did it, chatting up a completely random other family and not sitting with his own family is rude and I would present it like that.

If this happened to me this is what I would say:

"Hey Bob, what was the deal at the ice cream shop the other day? I was kind of hurt you didn't sit and chat with Lucinda and I and the whole thing seemed weird? How do you know the girl working there? Is she family? Who was the boy you were talking with? The whole thing was just confusing and I was expecting you to sit with us once we saw each other. Can you shine some light on the situation for me?"

This interrogation is a bit much.

Just mention to BIL how good it was to see him at the ice cream shop when your sister is in the room. See what happens.

ALL of the suggested interrogations in this thread are a bit much. "What was her name, Larlo? WHAT WAS HER NAME?"

OP, what do you want to actually get out of this situation? To get your sister to believe her husband is cheating even though -- let's be honest -- you don't have any evidence of it? I admit it all sounds a bit odd but you really have evidence of nothing, yet you seem to be aware that you could make nothing into "something" especially by the way you describe your sister's temperament. So if that's your goal, have at it, just be aware that you're insinuating with virtually no concrete information.

If your goal is "the truth," you might as well forget the whole thing. If he's having a real affair with the girl at the ice cream shop, he's not going to admit it. If he's just friendly with her and hoped to have a flirty conversation to remind himself of his youth while he got a scoop of chocolate, he's not going to admit it. If he felt sheepish that you caught him cheating on his diet and gym routine while he was on the verge of ordering an XXL Banana Split, he's not going to admit it.

If you fire up the Spanish Inquisition like so many here are recommending, he's just going to say, "huh? What are you talking about? I did say hi to you. We talked for several minutes, don't you remember? I was there getting an ice cream treat for myself after finishing mowing the lawn. The girl behind the counter? Who? Don't really remember her." And what's your response? "But you seemed like you knew her!" "Well you know how extroverted I am." "But what about the boy?" "What boy? Oh that kid who asked me what color sprinkles I liked best? What about him?" "Why didn't you sit with us?" "I was sitting at the table right next to you but you were glaring at me so much I didn't know what to say!"

If it were me, I'd keep an eye on him, but you really don't have enough info to act on.

[Anonymous]

^agree that all the long awkward forced interrogation monologues PPs have suggested are too much (and just...weird). Keep it simple and just be direct: It was funny running into you at the ice cream shop. So who were those people you were with?

Then shut up and see what he says. You can decide whether to do / say / ask more based on his reaction

But yes of course you should follow up / say something. I, too, would've been texting my sister from inside the ice cream shop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your brother in law, your child's uncle. Pretty close relatives. In this situation, I'd think he would at least make some introductions. It's really strange that instead of chatting with you and his niece, he sat with the other kid. Definitely ask him about it.

I'd ask him directly next time I saw him. Ask, then shut up and listen. Do not answer for him, make him talk. If it's some convoluted response, just look him straight in the eye and shake your head No.

Upvote to this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ask him. Regardless of why he did it, chatting up a completely random other family and not sitting with his own family is rude and I would present it like that.

If this happened to me this is what I would say:

"Hey Bob, what was the deal at the ice cream shop the other day? I was kind of hurt you didn't sit and chat with Lucinda and I and the whole thing seemed weird? How do you know the girl working there? Is she family? Who was the boy you were talking with? The whole thing was just confusing and I was expecting you to sit with us once we saw each other. Can you shine some light on the situation for me?"

Then he would for sure know that psychos run in your family.
Overbearing much??

[Anonymous]

It sounds a little weird.

Why would he choose to sit somewhere else and play with another kid and not his own niece and just talk to his SIL until they left.

Sounds odd to me. Maybe he just has a crush on ice cream girl and you ruined the few minutes of fantasy but whatever it is...it wasn't completely innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ask him. Regardless of why he did it, chatting up a completely random other family and not sitting with his own family is rude and I would present it like that.

If this happened to me this is what I would say:

"Hey Bob, what was the deal at the ice cream shop the other day? I was kind of hurt you didn't sit and chat with Lucinda and I and the whole thing seemed weird? How do you know the girl working there? Is she family? Who was the boy you were talking with? The whole thing was just confusing and I was expecting you to sit with us once we saw each other. Can you shine some light on the situation for me?"

This interrogation is a bit much.

Just mention to BIL how good it was to see him at the ice cream shop when your sister is in the room. See what happens.

ALL of the suggested interrogations in this thread are a bit much. "What was her name, Larlo? WHAT WAS HER NAME?"

OP, what do you want to actually get out of this situation? To get your sister to believe her husband is cheating even though -- let's be honest -- you don't have any evidence of it? I admit it all sounds a bit odd but you really have evidence of nothing, yet you seem to be aware that you could make nothing into "something" especially by the way you describe your sister's temperament. So if that's your goal, have at it, just be aware that you're insinuating with virtually no concrete information.

If your goal is "the truth," you might as well forget the whole thing. If he's having a real affair with the girl at the ice cream shop, he's not going to admit it. If he's just friendly with her and hoped to have a flirty conversation to remind himself of his youth while he got a scoop of chocolate, he's not going to admit it. If he felt sheepish that you caught him cheating on his diet and gym routine while he was on the verge of ordering an XXL Banana Split, he's not going to admit it.

If you fire up the Spanish Inquisition like so many here are recommending, he's just going to say, "huh? What are you talking about? I did say hi to you. We talked for several minutes, don't you remember? I was there getting an ice cream treat for myself after finishing mowing the lawn. The girl behind the counter? Who? Don't really remember her." And what's your response? "But you seemed like you knew her!" "Well you know how extroverted I am." "But what about the boy?" "What boy? Oh that kid who asked me what color sprinkles I liked best? What about him?" "Why didn't you sit with us?" "I was sitting at the table right next to you but you were glaring at me so much I didn't know what to say!"

If it were me, I'd keep an eye on him, but you really don't have enough info to act on.

This. You have some information, but not nearly enough to reach any conclusions, and by your own admission, your sister is the kind of person who would take this incident and blow it up. Given that, and given that I generally hate drama, I'd rather just ask my BIL. "I was curious, who was the little boy you were talking to at the ice cream shop?" I mean, maybe he's having an affair with the ice-cream-shop girl. Maybe he knows her from some other context. Maybe she's the daughter of a friend. You don't know, and if you go to your sister with this, you know it's going to cause trouble. I'd wait until I actually knew something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds a little weird.

Why would he choose to sit somewhere else and play with another kid and not his own niece and just talk to his SIL until they left.

Sounds odd to me. Maybe he just has a crush on ice cream girl and you ruined the few minutes of fantasy but whatever it is...it wasn't completely innocent.

That sounds odd to you? I thought the description "bursting through the rear door and barreling to the counter" was more odd than the entire story. It's written by someone trying to make us believe it too mich.

(it is a small gourmet ice cream shop that also serves coffee and tea)........ please

[Anonymous]

I think the simpler the question the better and just let him explain and you keep quiet and listen. It was odd, enough to justify a question.

[Anonymous]

Seriously people, you’re missing the most obvious explanation and that’s he is in some sort of mentor role with the boy...big brothers, Boy Scouts, something of that nature. You’re coming to all sorts of crazy cool conclusions when the truth is staring you in the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your brother in law, your child's uncle. Pretty close relatives. In this situation, I'd think he would at least make some introductions. It's really strange that instead of chatting with you and his niece, he sat with the other kid. Definitely ask him about it.

I'd ask him directly next time I saw him. Ask, then shut up and listen. Do not answer for him, make him talk. If it's some convoluted response, just look him straight in the eye and shake your head No.

Upvote to this!

Totally.
Just say "Nice Seeing you at the Ice Cream shop last week. Sorry we didn't get to catch up much, you seemed busy. What's up?"

then enjoy the silence.

Where does BIL work - any chance this is like his secretary or her kid. Or friends from neighborhood?

Either way I cannot believe he wouldn't sit for 5 mins and chat or Intro you to sexy ice cream worker or her kid. Or take his very own tween kids to the ice cream shop!!

I'd go back to the ice cream shop quite frequently... But park in the front...

[Anonymous]

"I was curious, who was the little boy you were talking to at the ice cream shop?"

this works too. totally normal Q.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The BIL assumes you’re going to say something to your sister so he’s been getting his story together. You’re better off talking to him directly. And you could go back to the shop and ask the gal how she knows BIL.

yep. be ready for a doozy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously people, you’re missing the most obvious explanation and that’s he is in some sort of mentor role with the boy...big brothers, Boy Scouts, something of that nature. You’re coming to all sorts of crazy cool conclusions when the truth is staring you in the face.

This is a joke, right?

If the BIL was mentoring - the SIL would know. Families talk to each other. Sister would say, oh DH is mentoring in such and such.

At miminum, he would have brought the kid over - hey SIL, meet little Tommy, he's in my Big Brothers program. Tommy - this is my niece and SIL, etc.

The fact that he stayed apart is ODD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He entered the ice cream shop through the back entrance? The employee/service entrance?
Shady af.

He is literally her "back door man".

There are other clues... an ice-cream shop that also serves coffee and tea?
See it: the hot and cold... just like the sister's moodiness.
Also the brush-off by BIL, who is normally chatty. No, the Boy Scouts theory is out.

OP -- was he particularly well dressed that day? Was he wearing cologne?
What did ice-cream lady do while he waited you out? Did she play it cool like she didn't know him? Or was she chatting to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it hire a PI to follow him around and see what he/she can find out, before saying anything to your sister and starting a brawl in the family. It's weird that he pretended not to know you and went to sit by other people. I'd be mad at my BIL if he did that. Maybe the girl doesn't know he's married? Other possibilities: Maybe she's the daughter of an old friend of his? He thinks you're nosey so he didn't want to introduce you to her even thou nothing is going on? Maybe she works in his office and this is her side gig? There might be an innocent explanation, even if it looks and feel like something is going on. Jeez, I've been frozen out by acquaintances I don't give a damn about and thought nothing of it, but I would be offended if my BIL did that.

But what if that PI also became friendly with the sexy ice cream lady?

OP, I'd hire a portfolio of PIs, something like 4 or 5, different ages, races ...