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Do these Cranky Pants make me look fat?
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Anonymous
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PLEASE help me see the good in this one.
My teen will not bath, will not shave, will not soap, he only mopes. He refuses his meds, takes candy instead. He lies about much, and makes me want to choke him and such. His locker has been stuck, he's missing school books and luck. If he doesn't find the four $60 sweaters I bought him, he needs to start looking for a new home to reside in. I love him so dearly, but when I try to give him consequences he goes all bazerk on me. HELP!!!! I took away his phone and he is all a'moan. No internet for him, you'd think I ran him over with a schwinn. What do I do with this kid, he's a good good boy, just not all that responsible, Oy! |
Anonymous
You have raised a conscientious and frugal child! Your son's lack of bathing and shaving is an expression of his environmental consciousness and desire to cut costs on seemingly (to a teen) frivolous items such as soap and shaving cream. The money you're saving on prescription co-pays will cover the cost of cavity repair! Lying? Creative writing, expressed in verbal form - a future author, perhaps? Carrying those heavy books home from school would likely cause wear and tear on a backpack, necessitating replacement, so his failure to un-jam the locker is simply an effort to extend the life of his book bag. Misplacement of four sweaters will allow him the opportunity to learn about "natural consequences" - e.g., lose your sweaters, freeze your bum off - thus preparing him for the difficult realities of adult life. Your son's "cylce-onic" reaction to your withdrawal of telephone and internet privileges is evidence that you have hit upon just the right strategy to...er...assist him in funneling his creativity and making better choices about when frugality (in use of water, consumption of medication and school bag wear) is appropriate. If you can look at your teenager and still manage to say he's a good boy (as opposed to placing an ad in the paper titled "free to good home"), you're WAY out front on this. |
Anonymous
Yay! Cranky Pants is back!! I hope you had a good weekend. You rock! 
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Anonymous
Cranky Pants OP and family have been busy with a little something we like to call the flu (or maybe garden variety cold). Feeling much better now, thanks, and had a chance to catch up on naps. Naps! |
Anonymous
| So is Cranky Pants now wearing Well Rested Pants? |
Anonymous
Well Rested Lounge-y Pants, as the flu allows one to stay in bed and not bother with office attire. |
Anonymous
| Hello, fellow DCUMers. OP here. My Cranky Pants are fitting a bit more snugly than I'd like, probably the result of overconsumption of leftover Halloween candy. Anyone feeling cranky today? |
Anonymous
| Totally. My boss gets off a few stops before "reasonable", the friend who I'm supposed to go out with tonight is laying the groundwork to bail on me, and the piece of leftover halloween bubblegum I'm chewing has completely lost its flavor. |
Anonymous
| I am feeling like a fatass |
Anonymous
Congratulations! Your boss's inability to travel that extra couple of stops has set you up to look like the calmest, coolest, most collected person in town. You know how a bright white shirt will really show off your tan? Your boss allows you to really show off your sanity, a much-treasured personality trait. Your soon-to-bail friend and your bubblegum issues complement each other quite nicely. When the friend bails, you will be freed of the obligation to spend money on whatever entertainment may have been in store, and can instead invest in some new, high quality, long lasting bubble gum. Go ahead - splurge - you're worth it! |
Anonymous
As we all know, the economy is in a rough place, and heating costs can be quite astronomical. If in fact you are carrying a couple of extra pounds (which I highly doubt - your posting looks quite slender - perhaps it's the flattering box around the text you've chosen), remember that fat is an excellent insulator, and you'll be able to more comfortably weather the cool winter ahead even if forced to dial back the thermostat a bit. (This may also lead to greater relationship harmony, if you are in a relationship with a person who is Thermostatically Oppositional and prefers to keep your abode cooler. No more fights over the thermostat!) |
Anonymous
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Thermostatically Oppositional! BwaHaHaHa!
They should put that on t-shirts, like the ones that say "runs with scissors" and "folically challenged". |
Anonymous
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Welcome back, OP!! Kisses!
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Anonymous
| hee hee. i am the fatass. thank you for the creative answer. still fat, but happier! |
Anonymous
You are welcome! |