Do these Cranky Pants make me look fat?

[Anonymous]

Carolyn Hax, Carolyn Schmax!
Dear Abby? Dear Flabby!

THIS is the type of life affirming advice column I would actually read.

What a great reminder, OP, of looking at the brighter side of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Carolyn Hax, Carolyn Schmax!
Dear Abby? Dear Flabby!

THIS is the type of life affirming advice column I would actually read.

What a great reminder, OP, of looking at the brighter side of life.

OP here. Glad to be of service. Admittedly, I have my motives: I consider it an inexpensive form of therapy. And cheap entertainment, too. Hey, we're all on a budget these days!

[Anonymous]

I came home from a long weekend of single-parenting (technically a "fun" trip, but still a lot of work) to find that my co-parent had not grocery shopped or picked up the dirty laundry from the floor or even washed out the last bottle left sitting on the countertop when I departed on Thursday. Oh, and I had thoughtfully left a couple of prepared meals requiring nothing but a zap in the microwave; they are untouched and spoiled now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came home from a long weekend of single-parenting (technically a "fun" trip, but still a lot of work) to find that my co-parent had not grocery shopped or picked up the dirty laundry from the floor or even washed out the last bottle left sitting on the countertop when I departed on Thursday. Oh, and I had thoughtfully left a couple of prepared meals requiring nothing but a zap in the microwave; they are untouched and spoiled now.

What a gift to your child that you chose to spend a long weekend nurturing him/her, enhancing the already strong bond you share! Clearly, your co-parent was bereft in your absence and could barely function, so great was the longing for your return. You must really be amazing! Fortunately, your microwave remains free of any unsightly splatter that may have been deposited had those thoughtfully prepared meals been microwaved (without a cover, I suspect). You emerge from this weekend with a stronger parent-child bond, a reminder that no one can run your household like you can, and a clean microwave. Tremendous!

[Anonymous]

OP, I actually think you should start a blog and you might be able to market yourself and make some money off of this. (Although, admittedly, I don't always understand how bloggers make money.)

[Anonymous]

Mostly off advertising/ click-throughs. So if you have a blog you love, please click on the ads from time to time! Also, if you are going to make a purchase on amazon.com, many blogs have that teeny little amazon search field somewhere, and if you get to the amazon site through that little window, the site owner gets 5% of your total purchase.

And I agree: OP should make her own blog for this. Maybe she and DCUM psychic could team up! I'd visit that site every day. Hmmm... maybe I should invest in the start-up...

[Anonymous]

OP, whatcha wearing today? I have something bothering me today, but I'm afraid of the Snarky Skirt.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Bring it on. Non-snarky response guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

OP, my two year old seems to be a sociopath. He has no impulse control, cannot accept and type of boundaries I impose and his emotions are just off the charts. I live in fear that I might look at him wrong and he will fly off the handle into a two hour long crying and shrieking fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my two year old seems to be a sociopath. He has no impulse control, cannot accept and type of boundaries I impose and his emotions are just off the charts. I live in fear that I might look at him wrong and he will fly off the handle into a two hour long crying and shrieking fit.

Ah, how delightful to witness the growth of your child's range of emotions! He is fortunate to have such a strong, nurturing parent with the confidence and conviction to impose boundaries in the face of rage of an intensity wholly disproportionate to the size of the rager.

No impulse control? An opportunity to witness spontaneity in action! Emotions off the chart? Clearly, you'll not be raising one of those stone cold, closed-off, impossible-to-relate-to men, but a guy who is really in touch with his emotions!

A two hour crying and shrieking fit is an unique opportunity to explore the qualities of various brands of tissue and/or ear plugs. Perhaps you could even use these fits to supplement your income. I suggest setting up an internet betting parlor where viewers can wager on how long the fit will last. Mama gets 10% of the winnings. In no time, you will have financed not only the ear plugs, but also college for your son, who is obviously developing right on pace, based on his delightfully challenging two year old behaviors.

Oh, and unless your son's hobbies include pulling the wings off of insects, microwaving your family goldfish, or attempting to systematically reduce the number of lives your cat has remaining, he's not a sociopath (though two year olds are often confused with such creatures).

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure I'm going to be fired in the next few months, due to lack of work flow and because I have no one left to protect me. And the only thing worse than being fired would be being super busy and having to work late, travel, etc. - thus ensuring that I will never see my DC.

Even though I am happily married, I hate that my ex-BF is riding through this recession as though it is a boom time - raking in the dough, dating a younger, sweeter (less jaded) woman, and living the high life.

I am starting to feel isolated lately, because I spend all of my time with DD and none with my friends.

And I'm terrified of my DC getting swine flu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my two year old seems to be a sociopath. He has no impulse control, cannot accept and type of boundaries I impose and his emotions are just off the charts. I live in fear that I might look at him wrong and he will fly off the handle into a two hour long crying and shrieking fit.

Ah, how delightful to witness the growth of your child's range of emotions! He is fortunate to have such a strong, nurturing parent with the confidence and conviction to impose boundaries in the face of rage of an intensity wholly disproportionate to the size of the rager.

No impulse control? An opportunity to witness spontaneity in action! Emotions off the chart? Clearly, you'll not be raising one of those stone cold, closed-off, impossible-to-relate-to men, but a guy who is really in touch with his emotions!

A two hour crying and shrieking fit is an unique opportunity to explore the qualities of various brands of tissue and/or ear plugs. Perhaps you could even use these fits to supplement your income. I suggest setting up an internet betting parlor where viewers can wager on how long the fit will last. Mama gets 10% of the winnings. In no time, you will have financed not only the ear plugs, but also college for your son, who is obviously developing right on pace, based on his delightfully challenging two year old behaviors.

Oh, and unless your son's hobbies include pulling the wings off of insects, microwaving your family goldfish, or attempting to systematically reduce the number of lives your cat has remaining, he's not a sociopath (though two year olds are often confused with such creatures).

OMG, I love you. LOVE YOU. I just laughed so hard it actually made me cough, and then choke. SO funny and true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I'm going to be fired in the next few months, due to lack of work flow and because I have no one left to protect me. And the only thing worse than being fired would be being super busy and having to work late, travel, etc. - thus ensuring that I will never see my DC.

Even though I am happily married, I hate that my ex-BF is riding through this recession as though it is a boom time - raking in the dough, dating a younger, sweeter (less jaded) woman, and living the high life.

I am starting to feel isolated lately, because I spend all of my time with DD and none with my friends.

And I'm terrified of my DC getting swine flu.

Let's work in reverse on this one.

Your love for your child is so great that is spins off a variety of other emotions, including fear. Lots of fear in this case just means lots of love! And when love is paired with the inevitable swine flu, it will also mean lots of snot, probably on your left shoulder if you're anything like me (guess it depends on the age of your daughter). Stock up on soft tissues (and changes of clothes) and you'll both make it through this fine!

The time spent bonding with your daughter is creating in her a lifelong sense of security and comfort. She already knows you are her rock, her mama, her protector and comforter. So she really won't mind if you sneak out for a couple of evenings with friends. Maybe a glass of wine would be good, too. (Not for your daughter, though.) Feel guilty about being with friends instead of your daughter? Again, evidence of your love for her. But you'll go nuts if you feel alone, so she recommends you get out of the house from time to time.

Your ex-boyfriend is merely filling the void created by your absence. The younger, less jaded girlfriend is just a bandage on the wound that is his aching heart! Younger and less jaded just translates into less experienced. Your additional years of "experience" have brought you grace, a better sense of humor, and self-knowledge (and the inevitable fine lines and wrinkles, but what can you do?). Your ex may be gathering wealth, but you have gathered a family!

You are clearly a valued employee, or you'd have been out the door months ago! No one left to protect you? Opportunities for advancement! Turns out you get fired? The chance of a lifetime to try something new! (If "something new" is initially some different varieties of wine until the shock wears off, I'm with you sister, but thereafter, who knows what great new gig awaits?) So- it's advancement or adventure, for you!

[Anonymous]

OP: you are very clever and made me laugh several times this week, during a very hard week. I think you should look into the blog. You have a unique kind of intelligence. I bet you are off the charts smart. Cheers to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: you are very clever and made me laugh several times this week, during a very hard week. I think you should look into the blog. You have a unique kind of intelligence. I bet you are off the charts smart. Cheers to you!

Thank you. A blog would be fun, but I am best described as "technologically challenged."

Wishing all a lovely evening.