Does your husband follow random Instagram Models/Women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these women so proud of their husbands who don't follow bikini models! You realize he just goes to their page and still looks. Just because he doesn't follow doesn't mean anything. These dudes know you guys are psycho and will read way too much into it and call them creeps. Maybe they don't follow but they still look. And it's not a big deal.

There is just something so pathetic about men who follow lots of thirst trap accounts. Especially if they comment. That’s different from looking. I like looking at hot men too, but I’m a 38 year old women and I’m not about to follow a 20yo thirst trap account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No thank goodness. Middle aged men seeking out pictures of hot young women like that on a regular basis is so tasteless. (I feel totally differently about DH looking at peon once in a while though. In my mind that’s different and no I don’t know why).

Assuming here that "peon" is meant to be porn? I also dont' know why you'd find that OK but looking at still photos of women is somehow more...offensive?...to you. In porn, people are performing sex acts, many of which are unrealistic and create unrealistic expectations in the viewer, but that's less a problem for you than a picture of one woman in, say, a bikini, or topless--? Not being mean, PP, but it is a strange disconnect, to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women so proud of their husbands who don't follow bikini models! You realize he just goes to their page and still looks. Just because he doesn't follow doesn't mean anything. These dudes know you guys are psycho and will read way too much into it and call them creeps. Maybe they don't follow but they still look. And it's not a big deal.

There is just something so pathetic about men who follow lots of thirst trap accounts. Especially if they comment. That’s different from looking. I like looking at hot men too, but I’m a 38 year old women and I’m not about to follow a 20yo thirst trap account.

I'm a 36 year old woman, and let's just say I don't follow Michael B. Jordan or Zac Efron for their acting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, "Instagram model" = hooker...surprised folks don't know that yet.

Some of them, yep. But even for the ones that are, following them on Insta isn't the same as visiting a hooker, unless you think they have intimate contact with hundreds of thousands to millions of people all over the world. It's more like looking at a hooker when you see one. Again: additional contact, DM's, personal requests: sketchy. But just looking at women because you think they're sexy is not a huge deal to most people.

OP's husband lying about not following the accounts (and if she's the follow-up poster, him having "problems with boundaries" in the marriage) is the real issue. Just following model accounts isn't a big deal.

OP here. His IG account is set on private so he must "authorize"them to follow, correct and then follow them back. Some of these women have private pages while other are public. I can see that he is listed as one of their followers. I don't have a big problem with him looking at girls in bikinis (like my VS catalog etc.), but I find this a bit weird. I guess, I'll just leave it alone for now. The problems with boundaries have been a big red flag throughout our marriage. DH thinks that he is just being friendly, but it has gotten him into trouble with other husbands etc. when he started contacting/emailing their wives, girlfriends etc. I don't think that he has bad intentions, but he has an enormous need for admiration, attention etc. I have thought about ending this marriage before because it is bothering me a lot and I feel disrespected and humiliated in front of friends, neighbors etc.. I have asked him to stop before and he will do it for a little while and then start up again. I feel like I'm never good enough. We have children together so I cannot just walk away, but this behavior is slowly killing my love for my husband.

Uhmmm...it's flatly disrespectful for a DH or DW to give their spouse any reason not to trust them. Infidelity, instagram, innocent intentions aside, it's about respect-- and your DH is disrespecting you repeatedly after you have asked him to stop. Yes, unless you are financially dependent on him, you can just walk away.

OP, you buried the lead, unfortunately. The MUCH larger and deeper issue is in your update above. This thread has become about Instagram use and not about your own situation, which is...not about Instagram at all, really. The fact he ahs "gotten into trouble with other husbands" is a giant, waving, neon, screaming red flag, as is "He will (stop) for a little while and then start up again." I would almost wager you that he has other accounts you have no idea exist; he's in touch with many people you don't know; he is at BEST being "friendly" and has absolutely ZERO social awareness, but at worst, he is lying his head off to you and is involved with other women.

Please, please realize that you do not have to "stay for the kids" if that means you allow him to model, for the children, that it is OK to make a spouse feel she is "never good enough."

Have you and he ever had couples therapy? INdividual therapy? I think that may be the only way to deal here. His "enormous need for admiration and attention" is a gigantic sign he will never stop violating boundaries--yours and others'--unless maybe, and it's only a maybe, he can come to understand his issues through therapy. Maybe not even then.

Does he also make your kids feel they are "not enough"? They may be getting that message even if you don't realize it. Or do they also seek constant attention like dad does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women so proud of their husbands who don't follow bikini models! You realize he just goes to their page and still looks. Just because he doesn't follow doesn't mean anything. These dudes know you guys are psycho and will read way too much into it and call them creeps. Maybe they don't follow but they still look. And it's not a big deal.

There is just something so pathetic about men who follow lots of thirst trap accounts. Especially if they comment. That’s different from looking. I like looking at hot men too, but I’m a 38 year old women and I’m not about to follow a 20yo thirst trap account.

I'm a 36 year old woman, and let's just say I don't follow Michael B. Jordan or Zac Efron for their acting

They’re 35 and 34 years old, so no judgment, but I do find it odd if I’m being honest.

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to follow them, it's another to comment or be active about it. OP's dh sounds like he has preexisting issues that are more problematic than looking at some bathing suit pics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No thank goodness. Middle aged men seeking out pictures of hot young women like that on a regular basis is so tasteless. (I feel totally differently about DH looking at peon once in a while though. In my mind that’s different and no I don’t know why).

Assuming here that "peon" is meant to be porn? I also dont' know why you'd find that OK but looking at still photos of women is somehow more...offensive?...to you. In porn, people are performing sex acts, many of which are unrealistic and create unrealistic expectations in the viewer, but that's less a problem for you than a picture of one woman in, say, a bikini, or topless--? Not being mean, PP, but it is a strange disconnect, to me.

Yea that was a typo. I don’t find looking at thirst traps offensive! They’re putting themselves out there sexually, nothing disrespectful about looking. It’s the idea of a grown man following lots of thirst trap accounts to be pathetic. Like they go on social media and see a friend’s new deck, a post about crypto, a 20-year old in a bikini that turns them on, somebody’s lunch, then a photo of a friend’s baby? Weird. And yeah the ethics of porn is a whole thing but suffice it to say that I don’t think it’s always unethical, and it doesn’t always create unrealistic expectations, and in terms of unrealistic *beauty* standards I think Instagram is way worse than porn.

[Anonymous]

It’s basically porn. The one difference is that since it is a real person and not someone who does photo shoots and videos for a living (usually) it sort of plays on that fantasy that any woman in real life might suddenly strip down for you or show off her body for you. In some ways just the continuation of the Hugh Hefner everyday girl fantasy, in other ways more insidious. I think if a guy spends a lot of time in that kind of fantasy world it could become an intimacy issue.

[Anonymous]

My fetish is for educated "good girls" who show their goodies on Insta. A pretty PhD in molecular bio, showing her ass, is so very hot. Even better when their family members all comment on the pic: "My niece is so beautiful!" "That's my brilliant daughter!" etc.

[Anonymous]

All of you are so judgmental. The girls (age 20 and above) are just expressing themselves and are comfortable in their bodies. At 20 you are going to be as hot as you would every be in your life. Why not enjoy it? What is wrong with that?

Men find that attractive and if they follow these models what is wrong?

A lot of these girls are wearing a lot more than what you find people wearing on the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fetish is for educated "good girls" who show their goodies on Insta. A pretty PhD in molecular bio, showing her ass, is so very hot. Even better when their family members all comment on the pic: "My niece is so beautiful!" "That's my brilliant daughter!" etc.

Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you are so judgmental. The girls (age 20 and above) are just expressing themselves and are comfortable in their bodies. At 20 you are going to be as hot as you would every be in your life. Why not enjoy it? What is wrong with that?

Men find that attractive and if they follow these models what is wrong?

A lot of these girls are wearing a lot more than what you find people wearing on the beach.

If you wouldn’t ogle them in real life, there’s something strange about doing it alone on a fake account no? It’s like you have a front that’s actually not real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you are so judgmental. The girls (age 20 and above) are just expressing themselves and are comfortable in their bodies. At 20 you are going to be as hot as you would every be in your life. Why not enjoy it? What is wrong with that?

Men find that attractive and if they follow these models what is wrong?

A lot of these girls are wearing a lot more than what you find people wearing on the beach.

Maybe it’s the age difference, plus the fact that as an older married guy it’s a different thing to be looking at all kinds of women than as a younger single one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you are so judgmental. The girls (age 20 and above) are just expressing themselves and are comfortable in their bodies. At 20 you are going to be as hot as you would every be in your life. Why not enjoy it? What is wrong with that?

Men find that attractive and if they follow these models what is wrong?

A lot of these girls are wearing a lot more than what you find people wearing on the beach.

Maybe it’s the age difference, plus the fact that as an older married guy it’s a different thing to be looking at all kinds of women than as a younger single one?

We are now so woke that every women need to be checked out equally? Damn! Need to make sure I give equal attention to all ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you are so judgmental. The girls (age 20 and above) are just expressing themselves and are comfortable in their bodies. At 20 you are going to be as hot as you would every be in your life. Why not enjoy it? What is wrong with that?

Men find that attractive and if they follow these models what is wrong?

A lot of these girls are wearing a lot more than what you find people wearing on the beach.

If you wouldn’t ogle them in real life, there’s something strange about doing it alone on a fake account no? It’s like you have a front that’s actually not real.

That is the point!!!! Not good to ogle in real life. Perfectly safe and harmless online. We can ogle over every single curve sloooly and in exquisite detail!