Reply to Does your husband follow random Instagram Models/Women?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Um, "Instagram model" = hooker...surprised folks don't know that yet.[/quote]

Some of them, yep.  But even for the ones that are, following them on Insta isn't the same as visiting a hooker, unless you think they have intimate contact with hundreds of thousands to millions of people all over the world.  It's more like looking at a hooker when you see one.  Again: additional contact, DM's, personal requests: sketchy.  But just looking at women because you think they're sexy is not a huge deal to most people.

OP's husband lying about not following the accounts (and if she's the follow-up poster, him having "problems with boundaries" in the marriage) is the real issue.  Just following model accounts isn't a big deal.[/quote]

OP here.  His IG account is set on private so he must "authorize"them to follow, correct and then follow them back.  Some of these women have private pages while other are public.  I can see that he is listed as one of their followers.  I don't have a big problem with him looking at girls in bikinis (like my VS catalog etc.), but I find this a bit weird.  I guess, I'll just leave it alone for now.  The problems with boundaries have been a big red flag throughout our marriage.  DH thinks that he is just being friendly, but it has gotten him into trouble with other husbands etc. when he started contacting/emailing their wives, girlfriends etc.  I don't think that he has bad intentions, but he has an enormous need for admiration, attention etc.  I have thought about ending this marriage before because it is bothering me a lot and I feel disrespected and humiliated in front of friends, neighbors etc..  I have asked him to stop before and he will do it for a little while and then start up again.  I feel like I'm never good enough.  We have children together so I cannot just walk away, but this behavior is slowly killing my love for my husband.[/quote]

Uhmmm...it's flatly disrespectful for a DH or DW to give their spouse any reason not to trust them. Infidelity, instagram, innocent intentions aside, it's about respect-- and your DH is disrespecting you repeatedly after you have asked him to stop. Yes, unless you are financially dependent on him, you can just walk away. [/quote]

OP, you buried the lead, unfortunately. The MUCH larger and deeper issue is in your update above. This thread has become about Instagram use and not about your own situation, which is...not about Instagram at all, really. The fact he ahs "gotten into trouble with other husbands" is a giant, waving, neon, screaming red flag, as is "He will (stop) for a little while and then start up again." I would almost wager you that he has other accounts you have no idea exist; he's in touch with many people you don't know; he is at BEST being "friendly" and has absolutely ZERO social awareness, but at worst, he is lying his head off to you and is involved with other women.

Please, please realize that you do not have to "stay for the kids" if that means you allow him to model, for the children, that it is OK to make a spouse feel she is "never good enough."

Have you and he ever had couples therapy? INdividual therapy? I think that may be the only way to deal here. His "enormous need for admiration and attention" is a gigantic sign he will never stop violating boundaries--yours and others'--unless maybe, and it's only a maybe, he can come to understand his issues through therapy. Maybe not even then.

Does he also make your kids feel they are "not enough"? They may be getting that message even if you don't realize it. Or do they also seek constant attention like dad does? [/quote]

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