How do you respond to "C" grades? Is this reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Why would I allow the child to have the privilege of a phone with her all the time (including at school) if she isn't showing that she can handle the basic requirements of her job (i.e. passing exams and putting forth the effort to re-take if she doens't pass the first time)? She already has plenty of time on a home laptop. I don't think she is "deprived" by losing phone privileges -- which for her is games/music on the bus and at school -- as well as when she is at home on her laptop.

Anxiety and depression??? Didn't WE all grow up without a personal entertainment device during the school day? Did we all suffer from anxiety and depression as a result of boredom?

Hey OP- it sounds like you have already made up your mind. What is the point of your post?

Hey PP-- did you read the original post? I said I was curious what other people thought and how they react to "C"s even though I wasn't looking for advice on what to do. You are right... I have made up my mind.

It's interesting to see how some people view phones as much more integral to a child's life and other see it as a privilege to be earned. I'm in the latter camp. To me, it is largely the same as a hand-held game (like a DS). Yes, it has some value in communicating, but based on my intel, DD is mostly chatting with people from her favorite server. The same server she spends hours on every day (yes, I have an automatic limit set on her computer, but she still gets 3 hrs on it). She almost never says she has any homework -- which is fine if she is doing it during school hours. BUT, when she tells me she has no homework and doesn't need to study and then fails quizzes and tests --- and can't be bothered to re-take the one failed grade that can be rectified.... , I have a problem with that.

Re: timing... the failed quiz (grammar) was several weeks ago. There wasn't anything she could do to change that. The failed test was taken in the week prior to spring break. I saw the failed grade while on spring break. The teacher told me via email that she thought DD didn't read the passage before answering the questions b/c of the time-stamp on when she started and finished the test. We don't know for sure whether that is true. DD says she read it. She has a tendency to pick the easiest answer without really taking her time to think about the options b/c she assumes she is right. Teacher said she could re-take it after spring break. I asked for her suggestions on what we can do or if she recommends any programs or anything the school offers. Teacher didn't offer any options. I said I thought it would be important for DD to review her answer to learn from her mistakes so that she wouldn't make the same ones on the re-take. Teacher did not agree or disagree -- or offer to review the mistakes with DD. In other classes the re-take form sometimes requires the kids to list the questions they got wrong, figure out the right answer, and then reflect on why they picked the wrong answer. I figured I'd let DD follow the teacher's requirements --whatever those were. I waited until the end of spring break to speak to her about it so that it wasn't a cloud over her spring break.

As I stated, I reminded or asked DD about the form and taking the test several times last week. Each time she assured me she had or would be doing whatever was needed to re-take the test (although she seemed to be putting off the actual re-take).

I cannot hold her hand on teaching her whatever her English teacher wants her to know. I can teach math up to a certain level. I do not know what 8th grade English requirements are, nor does my child have an open mind for learning from me at this age. She thinks she is doing just fine. Two failed quizzes (just saw another failed vocab quiz on the gradebook this week) and a failed test suggest that she is not doing as well as she thinks. Frankly, it is pretty amazing to me that a kid's grade can be as high as it is with three F's on the books. I guess they give substantial weight to daily assignments and projects. I have already looked into summer week-long classes at a nearby private school that would help with grammar and writing. FWIW, this is a kid who chose creative writing as an elective, chose Hons English for next year, and when she was in 2nd grade, she scored a 99% on the verbal abilities test. She is a very capable reader. She enjoys writing (what she wants to write).

DH and I actually think this IS the right time to show her the limits of her phone/electronics privileges, b/c things are only going to get harder in high school, and the stakes will be higher (re: GPA/college implications).

If she had re-taken the test and still ended up with a C, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with her effort/grade. If this was calculus or and AP course, or if she was meeting with the teacher or asking for help (from anyone), I would be more inclined to work with her. But, MS seems pretty easy to us... and we have reminded her to take the reigns and improve her score. She has not seen fit to do so. So we have to do the responsible thing as parents and remove distractions... starting with distractions AT school.

Three hours chatting on a server daily?? You aren't doing her any time management favors. No kid chooses to study when there is 3 hours of daily screen time available.

[Anonymous]

If my kid got a C then I would figure out why and my action would reflect that. Does she not understand the material? Tutor. Did she go out with friends instead of study? Restrict time with friends to Fri and Sat nights. Is she always on her phone instead of studying? Restrict phone usage. Did she just get lazy and not care? Have a serious talk and tell her what will happen if she does not pull her grade up.

Regardless of the reason, I would become more involved with her schooling until the end of the year. She needs to write down when tests are scheduled, papers, projects due, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, what I would encourage you to think about is whether it makes sense for you to react so strongly to this C, which appears to arise from a lack of effort combined with irresponsibility, when you haven't reacted in a similar way (or on a sliding scale) to all the other B-s your kid has gotten, which seem to have come from the same thing. A lot of us are advising you that we would focus on process, not the result. While you don't want advice, nonetheless it is something to think about, as you are evaluating the best way forward for your family. If my kid was consistently getting B's without effort and not following through on assignments, that would get a reaction from me, because what I expect and want to incentivize is the process -- trying, putting in effort, striving for a personal best, etc. In that context, the 9 week phone suspension for a C seems like a lot, when your kid has exhibited what seems to be similar behavior with no consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grades earn privileges. Bs and above for whatever she wants.

+1, except that in our house the threshold for nearly "kid gets/does whatever they want" (with exceptions for safety & genuine logistical impracticality) is straight As.

A C would be unacceptable in our household and would earn strong consequences, but I do think a consequence for 1 C lasting an entire quarter is excessive.

This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I would encourage you to think about is whether it makes sense for you to react so strongly to this C, which appears to arise from a lack of effort combined with irresponsibility, when you haven't reacted in a similar way (or on a sliding scale) to all the other B-s your kid has gotten, which seem to have come from the same thing. A lot of us are advising you that we would focus on process, not the result. While you don't want advice, nonetheless it is something to think about, as you are evaluating the best way forward for your family. If my kid was consistently getting B's without effort and not following through on assignments, that would get a reaction from me, because what I expect and want to incentivize is the process -- trying, putting in effort, striving for a personal best, etc. In that context, the 9 week phone suspension for a C seems like a lot, when your kid has exhibited what seems to be similar behavior with no consequences.

I think it's the low grade combined with the lack of follow through to take steps to raise the grade. The girl simply needed to bring a signed slip of paper to her teacher and then make arrangements to retake the test within a certain time frame and she didn't do it. She didn't put in the effort to study the material so that she would do better on the retake because she simply opted to not do anything about the test, instead. That is what is so unacceptable.

If the girl is playing on her phone, listening to music and that is contributing to her lack of focus on her schoolwork then absolutely take away the distraction until she develops better study habits and more responsible follow through. I do not think that Op is overreacting or being unfair at all. Op is addressing a budding problem that needs to be addressed. Could Op have done this earlier? Maybe. But the important thing is, Op is addressing it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only As are acceptable in our house.

My son has a fine motor disability and has gotten two Bs in electives where he had to build things/take photos, and while I am disappointed, I told him that I understood he did his best.

My son also has inattentive ADHD and struggles to remember to hand work on time, etc, so I sympathize with your daughter. With children like this, you need to be more on their case because their brains mature slower. Not saying your child has ADHD, but perhaps tendencies?

As for the punishment, whatever works for your family, OP, keeping in mind what I just wrote above.

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Jesus Christ your poor child is going to need so much therapy. How do you people live with yourselves?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you are still reading, OP. But here goes:

If a C is out of the norm, I'd have a conversation with her about it, for the purpose of having her reflect on her own effort and the result of that effort. I'd discuss how getting a C with your best effort is worth world's more than an A gotten easily with no effort. And while it doesn't matter much in middle school, unfortunately grades will matter in high school.

It was around that age that time management and organization started to be a challenge for me. Work was more complex and faster than it was in elementary school. So I went from straight As to getting some Cs. I figured out on my own that if I tracked my grades, I could figure out when I had to put in more effort to bring up a particular grade. I got very organized with a small spiral notebook where I wrote down the grading rubric for each class, and tracked each grade. You can do that online now, I know.

And this may not be her issue. I don't know. Sounds a little like planning and proscrastination issues to me.

I would be more likely to reward her for identifying a reason for the lower grade, laying out the steps she will take to try to do better (because it sounds like she can), and then have her work toward something nice for next quarter's grade.

If she's got actual academic challenges, I would NOT take away the phone. I would address those. No punishment.