How do you respond to "C" grades? Is this reasonable?
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Anonymous
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DD is in 8th grade. DD is likely to get a "C" in English. I saw on the gradebook that she had failed one quiz and one test. I noticed this before spring break. I reached out to the teacher (for the first time) to ask what she was seeing. The quiz could not be re-taken. The test could be after spring break. I waited until the end of spring break to talk to DD about needing to re-take the test. I reminded her to fill out some form in order to be eligible for the re-take. I asked her several times in the last week+ when she was going to re-take it or what her plan was or I reminded her that she needed to get it done. She told me she was taking care of it or she's going to do it, or there is still more time, etc.
Now, we are nearing the end of the quarter. She tells me today that she can't retake it b/c she had to turn something in last week. (and it sounds like she didn't do it). I'm pretty sure I asked her last week and she said she did it. If it's true that she can't retake it anymore, I expect she will keep the C for the quarter. My intention is to keep her phone for the next quarter. I believe we've had this discussion in the past, that she needs to keep her grades up and do the retakes (and complete assignments) if she wants to keep her phone. I've never taken it away.... but she hasn't had a "C" until now (although she has flirted with B- or even lower, but was able to bring lower grades up). a) how do you respond to C's? b) is it reasonable to take away the phone (in your opinion)? I'm planning to do it, but I'm just curious how other people think. FWIW, she communicates a little with her friends with texting or discord. She isn't very social, so the majority of the time, she uses her phone to listen to music and youtube videos. I think she uses it as a crutch and distraction at school. |
Anonymous
| I'd give a consequence for not retaking the test, not necessarily for the C, but I would consider a tutor. |
Anonymous
| That poor child. Her first C and you are ready to beat her up over it. Tell her to bring it up next quarter. This is how kids go crazy in school, the parents expect perfection |
Anonymous
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1 C in 8th grade and you plan to punish her?
And we wonder why there is to much anxiety and depression. |
Anonymous
Yup. There is more going on here. Waiting until after break and after any opportunity to relearn what wasn't mastered... that was your error. Too focused on grades, you are, and not on process. Most likely she didn't fill out the form because she didn't see a retake resulting in a different approach. Also, if she got a C for the year, it isn't due to one test. Focus on process, not on outcomes. |
Anonymous
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OP here:
Why would I allow the child to have the privilege of a phone with her all the time (including at school) if she isn't showing that she can handle the basic requirements of her job (i.e. passing exams and putting forth the effort to re-take if she doens't pass the first time)? She already has plenty of time on a home laptop. I don't think she is "deprived" by losing phone privileges -- which for her is games/music on the bus and at school -- as well as when she is at home on her laptop. Anxiety and depression??? Didn't WE all grow up without a personal entertainment device during the school day? Did we all suffer from anxiety and depression as a result of boredom? |
Anonymous
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^^^^
You sound like a very controlling person, do you have anxiety? Do you feel the need to be a perfectionist? Her job? She is actually passing 8th grade and her GPA affects nothing. You might want to read up on mindfulness and compassion. You don't have to get all worked up because people disagree with you. You need to let go of the ego. |
Anonymous
NP here. OP, can you take this post above to heart? The focus on process is key. Does your DD use a planner notebook and/or an online planner, whichever her school issues? She should know each teacher's retake policies and deadlines for retakes and test corrections and should have those deadlines in her planner calendar (even if she doesn't need them -- those deadlines are probably available from the very start of each quarter and she can put them in as a matter of course, so she knows for instance that there is a test on April 3 and the form to do a retake will be due April 14, and the last day to actually retake the test will be April 20 or whatever the teacher does). Check SIS more often if you are concerned. You'll see what's not done yet. But be very aware -- not all teachers fill in the SIS assignments updates on time, or at all in some classes. You cannot rely just on SIS for the most up-to-the-moment grades, assignments or anything else, for some teachers. Communicate with your DD and make it so that she wants to tell you how she's doing. As for taking the phone, are you certain she doesn't need it for anything IN school? Probably not in eighth grade, but in high school, she may be expected to have a phone in class (or she'll be expected to share with a kid who does have a phone if they're doing something where they need one). I was surprised when in 9th grade my DD said they were doing certain games as part of the class and needed phones to do them (she got a phone in 10th, finally). Unless there is real reason to think that phone time was why she didn't do her retake and/or failed the initial test and quiz -- taking the phone isn't related to the academic issue. I do understand the idea of taking away something she values and has to earn back, for sure, and maybe the phone is it. But I would not have taken the phone; I would have sat down with her and gone through the process her teachers use for retakes and corrections, and worked with her on a way to be super organized about ensuring she does not miss deadlines and that you too know those deadlines (for a while, until she manages them better). Did you ask the teacher what subject matter your DD seems to be missing or not understanding that she failed a quiz and a test? Or did you ask more about how DD missed the retake opportunity? I would focus on the details of subject matter because next quarter will build on that same subject matter, probably. The teacher could give insights into what, exactly, your DD didn't do or didn't understand--did she not know some specifics about poetry they were reading? Did she seem not to have read material she was asked about on a test? Or did she write an essay much more poorly than in the past? What changed between her better grades earlier and the failed quiz and test? Was it about a subject that she actually found boring and she didn't bother to push through the boredom to get the information into herself before the test (but she did fine on earlier units that interested her)? What does the teacher advise her to do to push through that next time it happens? If you focus just on the grades and the fact she had the fails and didn't do her job to retake--you're missing at least half the issue. The content does matter, as does the organizational part of scheduling retakes etc. |
Anonymous
The phone has nothing to do with bombing a test. Also, it’s ok to bomb a test. WTH, seriously? I bet she purposely didn’t take the retake as an f&ck you, to you. Ease up |
Anonymous
Wow...enable much? NP...but I am with OP here. This is not an "I tried my best and my best yielded a C" situation, PP. This is an "I got a C and had a chance to fix it by retaking a test but I couldn't be bothered to be responsible enough to turn in the required paperwork to do it" situation. Lazy. Pure and simple. And yes...in my house that means consequences beyond just the natural one of getting a "C" that you don't want. The standard in our house is that you put forth your best effort. And, okay, everybody screws up or makes a mistake or fails to understand something even when they try their best. But if you have an opportunity at a second shot and blow it off (even after multiple reminders) that is not putting forth your best effort. So yeah, I'd totally take her phone away for a while. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Your post was littered with “I think” “I’m pretty sure” and “I believe” so I’d give the kid a break for forgetting since your memory doesn’t seem to be solid.
Losing her phone or a video game system or TV privileges for an entire quarter is a punishment that doesn’t fit the crime, IMO. I’d focus on WHY she failed those two items. Was it slacking off? Not grasping the material? A unit of difficult material perhaps? Getting to the root of those two F grades is more important. A punishment in our house would be a one week grounding for failing to follow through on the retest opportunity. We don’t punish for a bad grade in our house. We figure out why it happened and work to relearn the material I’d it was a mastery issue. If it was an issue with not trying hard enough, we have a discussion on priorities and consequences. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Teach her to use the phone as a tool to help her succeed. She can use it to put reminders in for when to turn forms in, when tests and assignments are coming up etc.
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Anonymous
| A C in public school is like an F. I would be pissed and take the phone away. |