How do you respond to "C" grades? Is this reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor child. Her first C and you are ready to beat her up over it. Tell her to bring it up next quarter. This is how kids go crazy in school, the parents expect perfection

Wow...enable much?

NP...but I am with OP here. This is not an "I tried my best and my best yielded a C" situation, PP. This is an "I got a C and had a chance to fix it by retaking a test but I couldn't be bothered to be responsible enough to turn in the required paperwork to do it" situation. Lazy. Pure and simple. And yes...in my house that means consequences beyond just the natural one of getting a "C" that you don't want.

The standard in our house is that you put forth your best effort. And, okay, everybody screws up or makes a mistake or fails to understand something even when they try their best. But if you have an opportunity at a second shot and blow it off (even after multiple reminders) that is not putting forth your best effort. So yeah, I'd totally take her phone away for a while.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Why would I allow the child to have the privilege of a phone with her all the time (including at school) if she isn't showing that she can handle the basic requirements of her job (i.e. passing exams and putting forth the effort to re-take if she doens't pass the first time)? She already has plenty of time on a home laptop. I don't think she is "deprived" by losing phone privileges -- which for her is games/music on the bus and at school -- as well as when she is at home on her laptop.

Anxiety and depression??? Didn't WE all grow up without a personal entertainment device during the school day? Did we all suffer from anxiety and depression as a result of boredom?

OP. You are missing the point. And waaaay to angry.

No one is saying a C and a lie is ok. We are saying that it is bad practice to reward or punish outcomes. You will have more success with rewarding or punishing process. Do you even know if she studied the first time? I know for me that this would matter a lot for determining what I did next.

My son would certainly face repercussions from refusing to retake a test but would also have been required to take steps to solve the content problem. Steps to solve the content problem. Seriously.

Also, enough about the phone. She didn't refuse to retake a test because of a phone. Yes, phones are a parenting challenge, but not the whole story.

You are headed for some very adversarial years if you can't figure out a less punitive and more reflective way to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post was littered with “I think” “I’m pretty sure” and “I believe” so I’d give the kid a break for forgetting since your memory doesn’t seem to be solid.

Losing her phone or a video game system or TV privileges for an entire quarter is a punishment that doesn’t fit the crime, IMO.

I’d focus on WHY she failed those two items. Was it slacking off? Not grasping the material? A unit of difficult material perhaps? Getting to the root of those two F grades is more important.

A punishment in our house would be a one week grounding for failing to follow through on the retest opportunity. We don’t punish for a bad grade in our house. We figure out why it happened and work to relearn the material I’d it was a mastery issue. If it was an issue with not trying hard enough, we have a discussion on priorities and consequences.

+1 Dony take it away for the entire quarter, that’s way, way too much. A week should suffice. And you’ll need the leverage going forward, if this happens again. She needs to be able to work towards earning the phone back. If that’s not on the table, and she knows she’s not getting it back for months anyway, she won’t be as motivated.

And you need to try to get to the root of the problem (though that’s hard with teens, who can communicate poorly). Is this poor executive functioning or attention span? Difficulty with the material? Boredom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor child. Her first C and you are ready to beat her up over it. Tell her to bring it up next quarter. This is how kids go crazy in school, the parents expect perfection

Wow...enable much?

NP...but I am with OP here. This is not an "I tried my best and my best yielded a C" situation, PP. This is an "I got a C and had a chance to fix it by retaking a test but I couldn't be bothered to be responsible enough to turn in the required paperwork to do it" situation. Lazy. Pure and simple. And yes...in my house that means consequences beyond just the natural one of getting a "C" that you don't want.

The standard in our house is that you put forth your best effort. And, okay, everybody screws up or makes a mistake or fails to understand something even when they try their best. But if you have an opportunity at a second shot and blow it off (even after multiple reminders) that is not putting forth your best effort. So yeah, I'd totally take her phone away for a while.

I agree.

Yep. It's not the C, it's the lack of responsibility and follow through on the girl's part that is getting her phone privilege taken away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor child. Her first C and you are ready to beat her up over it. Tell her to bring it up next quarter. This is how kids go crazy in school, the parents expect perfection

Wow...enable much?

NP...but I am with OP here. This is not an "I tried my best and my best yielded a C" situation, PP. This is an "I got a C and had a chance to fix it by retaking a test but I couldn't be bothered to be responsible enough to turn in the required paperwork to do it" situation. Lazy. Pure and simple. And yes...in my house that means consequences beyond just the natural one of getting a "C" that you don't want.

The standard in our house is that you put forth your best effort. And, okay, everybody screws up or makes a mistake or fails to understand something even when they try their best. But if you have an opportunity at a second shot and blow it off (even after multiple reminders) that is not putting forth your best effort. So yeah, I'd totally take her phone away for a while.

I agree.

But don't you think OP's decision to withhold the information for the entire break without getting at the study/content issue meant that the rest of the story would unfold as it did? Why do you think she would have done any better without the opportunity to prep Again?

At least at my kid's schools, retake scores are often capped on the upside, not on the down side. He has turned down retake opportunities in physics quizzes because of this, but then restudied the material anyway because of the upcoming test. That seems like an example of things working just fine. Sure, I wish the quiz grades were better, but I wouldn't punish over this.

Yep. It's not the C, it's the lack of responsibility and follow through on the girl's part that is getting her phone privilege taken away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Why would I allow the child to have the privilege of a phone with her all the time (including at school) if she isn't showing that she can handle the basic requirements of her job (i.e. passing exams and putting forth the effort to re-take if she doens't pass the first time)? She already has plenty of time on a home laptop. I don't think she is "deprived" by losing phone privileges -- which for her is games/music on the bus and at school -- as well as when she is at home on her laptop.

Anxiety and depression??? Didn't WE all grow up without a personal entertainment device during the school day? Did we all suffer from anxiety and depression as a result of boredom?

She did pass, she earned a C.

[Anonymous]

I don’t remember being able to retake tests and quizzes in middle school; is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember being able to retake tests and quizzes in middle school; is this normal?

This is normal. I think it is good because then the kid learns the material. Which is the whole point of tests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A C in public school is like an F. I would be pissed and take the phone away.

This. My kids must have As and Bs to have phone privileges. Son had a C 2nd quarter after not doing well on two tests (one test could not be retaken and he did not try to retake the other) and not turning in homework (which is not even graded for content, you just have to turn it in!). While he had a C, he had no phone and no video games. Grade has not dipped that low again and all homework has been turned in. If a child is putting forth their best effort, asking for extra help, doing extra homework, then I would not punish.

[Anonymous]

9 weeks of punishment seems like a lot for this particular "crime." I have a child who could easily forget about a test retake despite numerous reminders. She's not failing English, she's not getting a C for the year. She is getting one C on a middle school quarterly report card. I think her punishment should be getting the grade she earned. It sounds like she's generally a good student, so I doubt she'll be too pleased about it.

It's hard as a parent to see a bad grade here and there, especially the first time it happens, but you will come to realize that it's not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember being able to retake tests and quizzes in middle school; is this normal?

It’s crazy how normal it is now. Even in some HS classes if you get a D or below.

It’s crazy to me. Kids either have the incentive to study hard and correctly the first time and get a good grade or blow it off and bomb it for a retake. Getting a C is worse than an F in most classes because most C grades don’t get a retake opportunity. Crazy!

And what even more frustrating is that for many classes, the retake test doesn’t change. A kid can bomb on purpose to get an idea of what’s on it to know exactly what to study to do better. A few of the teachers have started to realize this recently and made rules about the highest retake grade being a B now so kids have more incentive to study the first time.

I don’t want to be one of those “older” people, but... kids today have it so good! lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember being able to retake tests and quizzes in middle school; is this normal?

It’s crazy how normal it is now. Even in some HS classes if you get a D or below.

It’s crazy to me. Kids either have the incentive to study hard and correctly the first time and get a good grade or blow it off and bomb it for a retake. Getting a C is worse than an F in most classes because most C grades don’t get a retake opportunity. Crazy!

And what even more frustrating is that for many classes, the retake test doesn’t change. A kid can bomb on purpose to get an idea of what’s on it to know exactly what to study to do better. A few of the teachers have started to realize this recently and made rules about the highest retake grade being a B now so kids have more incentive to study the first time.

I don’t want to be one of those “older” people, but... kids today have it so good! lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That poor child. Her first C and you are ready to beat her up over it. Tell her to bring it up next quarter. This is how kids go crazy in school, the parents expect perfection

+1
My 8th grader currently has three C's, all of which are the result of group projects in which the group members left her holding the bag. She completed her parts, but because they didn't, they were all given a bad grade. These group projects are the laziest, most irresponsible ways of "teaching" and should be ended. But I digress...

I'm not going to worry about a few C's in middle school. Or actually, in high school either. The pressure parents put on their kids these days is insane and completely unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

OP, in 5 years, your child could end up in my college classroom.

And I can guarantee you this is going to be the child who has no intrinsic motivation for wanting to pass the class.

In almost 20 years of teaching at the college level, i have seen that parents like you yield children who either just completely give up when they get to College because of the stress and anxiety of the years prior, or are harassing me at every turn and grade grubbing

They care more about getting the A than actually learning the material. And college is a complete c********** for them.

Why? Because this is the precedent their parents set.


Throttle back. A lot, please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A C in public school is like an F. I would be pissed and take the phone away.

This. My kids must have As and Bs to have phone privileges. Son had a C 2nd quarter after not doing well on two tests (one test could not be retaken and he did not try to retake the other) and not turning in homework (which is not even graded for content, you just have to turn it in!). While he had a C, he had no phone and no video games. Grade has not dipped that low again and all homework has been turned in. If a child is putting forth their best effort, asking for extra help, doing extra homework, then I would not punish.

Your son is very lucky that his teachers are grading regularly. I don't disagree with your policy at all, but at my son's school that would be seriously unfair. His teachers just don't report grades in a timely way. For example. his English teacher didn't grade ONCE between the last interim period and the wee hours of the night that grades were due. (Don't even get me started on how he is supposed to learn to write with no feedback...)