Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

[Anonymous]

I think a 13 y/o babysitter is fine, though he probably should have told you. He might not have told you for fear you were going to flip out, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fine. I think you have a general problem with your step daughter though.

[Anonymous]

Wait, the "TODDLER" is 4?!

Shut up, OP. Go apologize. Really.

[Anonymous]

A 4yo is not a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to those who gave constructive advice. To the others..I posted for a reality check and I guess I'm getting one.

I love my step daughter very much and the fact that she has never baby sat before (yes I know she hasn't we have discussed it), is in a cast, and visits infrequently doesn't change that. I don't think she should have been put in this situation either and I highly doubt she wanted to.

I suppose my thinking is that a minimum, my husband should have discussed this with me as I would have done with him. I still don't think someone in a cast, especially one who is a kid herself, is fully able to care for a sick but highly active child.

Since she just turned 13 last week, and my son just turned 4 the week before, yes I guess I consider them both pretty young.

99% sure he didn't ask you because he knew you'd say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is in a cast and my son is sick. How could she even properly care for him? She has never babysat a kid before, doesn't live here full time and is not used to him.

Calm your tits. A 13-year-old can turn on an episode of "Sofia the First" and run a 4-year-old out of the house if there was a fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

Please tell me you don't actually condescend to your husband like this. What. The. F*ck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

Please tell me you don't actually condescend to your husband like this. What. The. F*ck.

If my dh was stupid enough not to consult me before making that decision, then f**k yeah, I would. And he'd be too stupid to know I was doing it. But, I wouldn't care, because I'd get my way, and he'd be happy that I didn't nag him.

[Anonymous]

He should have let you know. You should say yes.

[Anonymous]

Watching a 4-year old is not rocket science and is an age-appropriate task for your 13-year old step-daughter, provided she’s not notably immature or irresponsible. That said, your husband should’ve mentioned it. As others have said, however, I’m guessing he didn’t because he knew you’d freak out.

[Anonymous]

You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

Please tell me you don't actually condescend to your husband like this. What. The. F*ck.

If my dh was stupid enough not to consult me before making that decision, then f**k yeah, I would. And he'd be too stupid to know I was doing it. But, I wouldn't care, because I'd get my way, and he'd be happy that I didn't nag him.

Y'all are insane. OP's husband didn't do anything wrong. You don't always need to be consulted before your husband uses basic judgment in his parenting (and if you do, you're bad at picking husbands). Being passive aggressive and condescending is not "better" than nagging, and treating every interaction with your spouse as a chance to "get your way" is pathetic.

OP your husband did fine. Your kid is fine. Your SDD is fine. Don't fixate on this and create an issue where there isn't one.

[Anonymous]

Newsflash: a 4-year-old is not a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watching a 4-year old is not rocket science and is an age-appropriate task for your 13-year old step-daughter, provided she’s not notably immature or irresponsible. That said, your husband should’ve mentioned it. As others have said, however, I’m guessing he didn’t because he knew you’d freak out.

Most guys are giant dumbasses. He probably didn't even think anything of it. He figured there'd be a great chance both kids would be alive when he got back, so no big deal. Men have to be managed. If women aren't up for the task of managing, they can fight every little thing out until they get divorced, then keep fighting it out after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

Please tell me you don't actually condescend to your husband like this. What. The. F*ck.

If my dh was stupid enough not to consult me before making that decision, then f**k yeah, I would. And he'd be too stupid to know I was doing it. But, I wouldn't care, because I'd get my way, and he'd be happy that I didn't nag him.

You're a real treat.

OP I hope you don't treat your husband like this.