Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

[Anonymous]

Totally fine. Op, you are overreacting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is in a cast and my son is sick. How could she even properly care for him? She has never babysat a kid before, doesn't live here full time and is not used to him.

1) A four year old is not a toddler

2) If your son is sick then all he's doing is lying around anyway

3) She is 13. I babysat my brothers starting at like age 9

4) How is your DH's 13 year old daughter 'not used to' her 4 year old brother????

5) You sound awful

- fellow mom

Yea, gotta agree here. I had a 13yo babysit my 4 and 6 yo's regularly last year. And frankly, a sick 4yo is easier to watch than a healthy one. You're overreacting, op.

[Anonymous]

Why are you calling your 4yo a toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I just found out that DH left DS with his daughter who just turned 13 for 2 1/2 hours while he ran errands and picked our other daughter up. She has never watched our son before, is in a cast, and we have never ever discussed this. I would not have agreed to this. I am furious. He says I have no right to be and am over reacting. Please reality check me. Tell me if I'm out of line.

Calm down- totally reasonable. Your mommy brain is overriding your rational brain

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to those who gave constructive advice. To the others..I posted for a reality check and I guess I'm getting one.

I love my step daughter very much and the fact that she has never baby sat before (yes I know she hasn't we have discussed it), is in a cast, and visits infrequently doesn't change that. I don't think she should have been put in this situation either and I highly doubt she wanted to.

I suppose my thinking is that a minimum, my husband should have discussed this with me as I would have done with him. I still don't think someone in a cast, especially one who is a kid herself, is fully able to care for a sick but highly active child.

Since she just turned 13 last week, and my son just turned 4 the week before, yes I guess I consider them both pretty young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you have never discussed the 13yo babysitting the younger kids. Like lots of teenagers, I started babysitting at 13. OP, at what age would you feel comfortable leaving them alone together?

NP. I think OP said SDD doesn't live there and isn't used to her child. It sounds like they didn't get a chance to discuss it (conditions, etc) before DH decided to do it.

I'd be pretty annoyed too. I agree that a whiny sick young child (I have a 4yo and know how demanding they can be when sick) and a barely-teen who isn't mobile to act in the case of an emergency like fire isn't the time I would have chosen to trial the arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Now go and thank your step daughter for doing a good job.

[Anonymous]

WAYYY overreacting. And I'm the parent of a 13yo who has a lot less independence than most of his peers (yeah, we're kinda controlling.) But babysitting a 4yo stepbrother for a few hours on a snow day -- that's a total non-brainer for any reasonable parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you have never discussed the 13yo babysitting the younger kids. Like lots of teenagers, I started babysitting at 13. OP, at what age would you feel comfortable leaving them alone together?

NP. I think OP said SDD doesn't live there and isn't used to her child. It sounds like they didn't get a chance to discuss it (conditions, etc) before DH decided to do it.

I'd be pretty annoyed too. I agree that a whiny sick young child (I have a 4yo and know how demanding they can be when sick) and a barely-teen who isn't mobile to act in the case of an emergency like fire isn't the time I would have chosen to trial the arrangement.

+1. Lots of piling on OP, but this would piss me off too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is DS?

Just turned 4. And he is home sick today.

Reality check: You are over reacting, horribly. You I need to apologize to your dh.

[Anonymous]

Isn't your husband a parent and able to make decisions?

[Anonymous]

I'm a piler, and OP, I'm sorry. It makes me so angry when step parents treat the children differently, and I assumed this was a result of that. I do think you're overreacting, but I apologize for assuming it had anything to do with "step".

best wishes to your family.

[Anonymous]

I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

[Anonymous]

Comfy=shudder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Comfy=shudder

I figured any reader would understand the intention was to say, "comfortable" without me having to spell out the whole word.