New boss uses the word retarded. Still. In 2018. At work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are making way too big adeal of this, and you should have said something right away, or say something directly next time she says it. HR is way over the top and makes you look like you can’t handle basic office dynamics.

+1 OP do you want your job? You are making far too big a deal out of this. If she had used the "N" word, maybe. But you have to work with these people. You sound like mean girls wanting to report on each other for infractions during recess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - was texting with my husband and he thinks I should just let HR handle it since she's my new boss and I report directly to her; no need to cause waves. I think I'll go that route. Maybe in more of a heads up sort of way.

+1

Let's just pretend that it does not offend anyone in your office. She's dealing with clients and if she offends someone in a major way your company could lose business.

+1
You don't know the details of your clients' personal lives. She says that to a or potential client who has a developmentally disabled family member or friend, or who for whatever reason finds it especially offensive, and she could blow up that relationship. Using it just shows poor judgment--it's pretty common-sense to avoid language like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in HR and I’ve received this complaint before, actually, and while I agree it’s not a word to be used in the office, I’ve not worked in an office where using it was against any rule like using the n-word is. If someone uses that, there’s sensitivity training to be done. Oddly, the word retarded is not considered insensitive or racist.

I’ve also never heard of “spirit animal” being racist either. That’s a new one to me.

What I always did when I got this complaint was just talk to the person about work appropriate language. Most admitted that they use it so regularly that they don’t think about it or realize they said it at work.

Sometimes inappropriate things slip out. I just had to have a talk with someone whose coworker was offended she said “well f*ck me gently!” when her computer froze and she lost part of a project she hadn’t saved. She didn’t even realize she said it because she said that’s what she says at home when something goes wrong.

If that's true, then your office's anti-discrimination policies are really deficient. Discrimination on the basis of disability is unlawful under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and most state laws (including the DC Human Rights Act). Harassment based on disability is accordingly unlawful where it is severe or pervasive or otherwise creates an intimidating or hostile work environment. Most good policies will encourage employees to report issues before they become severe and pervasive, so as to allow the employer to fix the problem prior to it becoming actionable. Your employer's policy really should cover the use of epithets that make fun of someone on the basis of a disability, just as the policy covers the use of epithets that make fun of someone due to their race.
I agree that this is likely not a terminable offense, in and of itself. The proper result is probably counseling for the employee involved. (However, in this case, with a new manager who is using the word in front of clients, I wouldn't be surprised if the upper management just decided that they had made a bad decision hiring someone who is generally clueless about social norms .... not what you want in management.)

You are describing a horror of an office.

You think it's a "horror" for an office policy to prohibit the use of offensive discriminatory terminology in the workplace? Really? Or is it just the R word that you're okay with? What about offensive terms for Latinos, gay people, Jews, Muslims? Are you okay with managers casually throwing those around as well? I am describing the most basic workplace anti-discrimination policy -- they ALL prohibit the use of discriminatory epithets. If your office doesn't, they are VERY much behind the times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a depressing thread. This is really not debatable at this point—it’s not an acceptable term to use.
The people that are being defensives about it need to learn to adjust. My grandmother had to adjust from calling people “colored” to referring to someone as “black”. Guess what? She somehow managed to do this.
I can accept that someone may not have evil intent in their heart when they used this term, and can accept that some people have been living under a rock and somehow missed the news that for many years now, it’s been recognized this is not appropriate.
HR does need to be informed. They can speak with this person. Since multiple people were at the meeting, anyone could have reported it. The HR person does not need to be punative, but they do need to let the employee know that this language is not appropriate.
If the person doesn’t use the word again—no problem, everyone moves on.
If she does (and by the way, if any of you defensive posters continue to use the word as well) then you their should be consequences.

On the other shoe, my mom cannot seem to deal with the concept that Oriental is offensive. She is otherwise liberal on social mores but I cannot convey that Oriental is a rug and Asian is a person because the former is Euro-centric.

What about the Chinese then? The name for their country means "Middle Kingdom", middle as in the center of the world.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the context of the use? The word "retarded" in and of itself is fine to use.

Example:

The blockage in the pipe will retard the flow of water. Or The blockage in the pipe retarded the low of water.

The def is: to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment, in addition to the disparaging one we all object to.


What you can't say is something like "that's just a retarded thing to do".

oh wow, PP. thanks for telling us that there's a non-offensive way to use the word! all of us are just way too stupid to know that.

thank GOD you're here.

NP here. I got my butt handed to me once because I referenced FAG Aerospace (pronounced as an acronym, but someone thought I was being cagey) in a conference call. Yes, some people are just that stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the context of the use? The word "retarded" in and of itself is fine to use.

Example:

The blockage in the pipe will retard the flow of water. Or The blockage in the pipe retarded the low of water.

The def is: to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment, in addition to the disparaging one we all object to.


What you can't say is something like "that's just a retarded thing to do".

oh wow, PP. thanks for telling us that there's a non-offensive way to use the word! all of us are just way too stupid to know that.

thank GOD you're here.

NP here. I got my butt handed to me once because I referenced FAG Aerospace (pronounced as an acronym, but someone thought I was being cagey) in a conference call. Yes, some people are just that stupid.

Uh what happened when you explained the acronym?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's surprising to me that she would say this. I love using the word retarded to describe extra stupid things, and even I know to not say it "in mixed company."

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's better to say, "That sure is STUPID!" But then I guess that would be offensive to stupid people.

I really don't think people who use the word "retarded" have the intent of denigrating people who have special needs. But that's no excuse for people using the word in a professional settings.

I tend to agree with you. Retarded is a real thing, it's a description not a slur. But I get that it's impolite and for whatever reason makes people crazy now so I also wouldn't use it at work. OP's boss is guilty of showing poor judgement but a report to HR for one infraction seems over the top.

[Anonymous]

We need to bring retarded back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the context of the use? The word "retarded" in and of itself is fine to use.

Example:

The blockage in the pipe will retard the flow of water. Or The blockage in the pipe retarded the low of water.

The def is: to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment, in addition to the disparaging one we all object to.


What you can't say is something like "that's just a retarded thing to do".

oh wow, PP. thanks for telling us that there's a non-offensive way to use the word! all of us are just way too stupid to know that.

thank GOD you're here.

NP here. I got my butt handed to me once because I referenced FAG Aerospace (pronounced as an acronym, but someone thought I was being cagey) in a conference call. Yes, some people are just that stupid.

The "n" word is a word racists use to denigrate black people.

The word "retarded" means slow, and is not a word meant to denigrate people with special needs.

Crazy thing is that it's not even offensive to SN people; it's offensive to THEIR snowflake parents.

I think it's sad that the world we live in now is full of people offended by words meant to describe something.

So if you're short, will you take offense to the word "short" and run to HR if someone uses it?

Of if you're poor, you'll report someone that uses the word "poor?"

BTW. I'm Asian and I don't take offense to the word "Oriental." Why the heck would I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the context of the use? The word "retarded" in and of itself is fine to use.

Example:

The blockage in the pipe will retard the flow of water. Or The blockage in the pipe retarded the low of water.

The def is: to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment, in addition to the disparaging one we all object to.


What you can't say is something like "that's just a retarded thing to do".

oh wow, PP. thanks for telling us that there's a non-offensive way to use the word! all of us are just way too stupid to know that.

thank GOD you're here.

NP here. I got my butt handed to me once because I referenced FAG Aerospace (pronounced as an acronym, but someone thought I was being cagey) in a conference call. Yes, some people are just that stupid.

The "n" word is a word racists use to denigrate black people.

The word "retarded" means slow, and is not a word meant to denigrate people with special needs.

Crazy thing is that it's not even offensive to SN people; it's offensive to THEIR snowflake parents.

I think it's sad that the world we live in now is full of people offended by words meant to describe something.

So if you're short, will you take offense to the word "short" and run to HR if someone uses it?

Of if you're poor, you'll report someone that uses the word "poor?"

BTW. I'm Asian and I don't take offense to the word "Oriental." Why the heck would I?

Do you have the self-awareness to realize you have a very low EQ?

[Anonymous]

This is the sort of thing I have no hesitation in going to her directly and saying, “when we were on the call, I felt uncomfortable when you used the word retarded. My brother is a true cognitive disability. Many people with family members like me, especially if they’re children, get uncomfortable as well when they hear this word. I thought it was importantly to bring this to your attention as the use of that word could affect client relationships.”

[Anonymous]

These people are all snow flakes and i wonder how they survive in the world.

In the real world people use foul language. They still say that’s ret@rded. They use slang. That’s how the world works. MAybe not the boss in a meeting. But you know how you advance and how you live with out making waves. You don’t let slang bother you. Who cares. Try saying I don’t give a f@ck.

Let me tell you it solves a lot of problems. Mil bugs you? DGAF Next. Friend always asking for money DGAF

Someone said they think this thread is the most Ree-ree one yet. DGAF.

See life is a lot easier with you DGAF and stop making trouble for everyone.

[Anonymous]

^has a cognitive disability. Forgive me it’s not 5 yet and I am on phone. I can’t sleep ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to bring retarded back

+ 1k

Are we to the point that we can't describe (not to their face) obese people as being fat? I understand fatazz is taboo, but I feel the days of saying "fat" are numbered. Our society is ridiculous.