New boss uses the word retarded. Still. In 2018. At work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a depressing thread. This is really not debatable at this point—it’s not an acceptable term to use.
The people that are being defensives about it need to learn to adjust. My grandmother had to adjust from calling people “colored” to referring to someone as “black”. Guess what? She somehow managed to do this.
I can accept that someone may not have evil intent in their heart when they used this term, and can accept that some people have been living under a rock and somehow missed the news that for many years now, it’s been recognized this is not appropriate.
HR does need to be informed. They can speak with this person. Since multiple people were at the meeting, anyone could have reported it. The HR person does not need to be punative, but they do need to let the employee know that this language is not appropriate.
If the person doesn’t use the word again—no problem, everyone moves on.
If she does (and by the way, if any of you defensive posters continue to use the word as well) then you their should be consequences.

On the other shoe, my mom cannot seem to deal with the concept that Oriental is offensive. She is otherwise liberal on social mores but I cannot convey that Oriental is a rug and Asian is a person because the former is Euro-centric.

[Anonymous]

Just remember that HR works for top management. If management asks who tipped them off, they will not hesitate to say so.

[Anonymous]

I think you are making way too big adeal of this, and you should have said something right away, or say something directly next time she says it. HR is way over the top and makes you look like you can’t handle basic office dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just remember that HR works for top management. If management asks who tipped them off, they will not hesitate to say so.

Yes, HR works for management. They should NOT tell a middle manager who complained about them. They SHOULD tell upper management who complained, if that's appropriate to the investigation and resolution (for example, upper management might want to verify that the person who ocmplained is in a position to know). Upper management should be very grateful to the OP, because she is saving them from a future disability discrimination lawsuit, and from losing clients.
Honestly, in my experience, it's these new managers that are most likely to be disciplined or fired -- they have no track record to rely on, and upper management is probably already wondering if she was the right pick. I've seen new management hires get released for stuff just like this --- where upper management realizes a few weeks in "uh, oh....this didn't come out in the interview...."

[Anonymous]

I’m in HR and I’ve received this complaint before, actually, and while I agree it’s not a word to be used in the office, I’ve not worked in an office where using it was against any rule like using the n-word is. If someone uses that, there’s sensitivity training to be done. Oddly, the word retarded is not considered insensitive or racist.

I’ve also never heard of “spirit animal” being racist either. That’s a new one to me.

What I always did when I got this complaint was just talk to the person about work appropriate language. Most admitted that they use it so regularly that they don’t think about it or realize they said it at work.

Sometimes inappropriate things slip out. I just had to have a talk with someone whose coworker was offended she said “well f*ck me gently!” when her computer froze and she lost part of a project she hadn’t saved. She didn’t even realize she said it because she said that’s what she says at home when something goes wrong.

[Anonymous]

It's surprising to me that she would say this. I love using the word retarded to describe extra stupid things, and even I know to not say it "in mixed company."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What company? I want to know what company has lazy workers that have time on their hands to bother with nonsense and are so easily offended and distracted .

+1. I sweated it out as an associate for years at a rough and tumble law firm. The SJW reactions here are making me laugh. SEriously, OP, this is your BOSS. Don't make waves if you want a good relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's surprising to me that she would say this. I love using the word retarded to describe extra stupid things, and even I know to not say it "in mixed company."

Several years ago I thought it was a very descriptive term that worked in some situations to capture the essence of, essentially Donald Trump. But now I have kids. They have friends with developmental disabilities. And I know these words actually do matter. It's so sad when adults can 't/won't see that they need to grow up and make some changes.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's better to say, "That sure is STUPID!" But then I guess that would be offensive to stupid people.

I really don't think people who use the word "retarded" have the intent of denigrating people who have special needs. But that's no excuse for people using the word in a professional settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a depressing thread. This is really not debatable at this point—it’s not an acceptable term to use.
The people that are being defensives about it need to learn to adjust. My grandmother had to adjust from calling people “colored” to referring to someone as “black”. Guess what? She somehow managed to do this.
I can accept that someone may not have evil intent in their heart when they used this term, and can accept that some people have been living under a rock and somehow missed the news that for many years now, it’s been recognized this is not appropriate.
HR does need to be informed. They can speak with this person. Since multiple people were at the meeting, anyone could have reported it. The HR person does not need to be punative, but they do need to let the employee know that this language is not appropriate.
If the person doesn’t use the word again—no problem, everyone moves on.
If she does (and by the way, if any of you defensive posters continue to use the word as well) then you their should be consequences.

On the other shoe, my mom cannot seem to deal with the concept that Oriental is offensive. She is otherwise liberal on social mores but I cannot convey that Oriental is a rug and Asian is a person because the former is Euro-centric.

And you have an issue with Euro-centricity?

[Anonymous]

I'm offended by people who get offended. I think they are pussies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in HR and I’ve received this complaint before, actually, and while I agree it’s not a word to be used in the office, I’ve not worked in an office where using it was against any rule like using the n-word is. If someone uses that, there’s sensitivity training to be done. Oddly, the word retarded is not considered insensitive or racist.

I’ve also never heard of “spirit animal” being racist either. That’s a new one to me.

What I always did when I got this complaint was just talk to the person about work appropriate language. Most admitted that they use it so regularly that they don’t think about it or realize they said it at work.

Sometimes inappropriate things slip out. I just had to have a talk with someone whose coworker was offended she said “well f*ck me gently!” when her computer froze and she lost part of a project she hadn’t saved. She didn’t even realize she said it because she said that’s what she says at home when something goes wrong.

I think this is sane- I've worked with a lot of people over the years who are not bad people, but don't realize what they have said is outdated and offensive. Just talking with someone without blowing it up is probably effective. My guess is she will be embarrassed that more careful in the future.

Years ago, I used the term Oriental (I'm of a generation that was on the cusp of this being an okay, then a not okay term to use)- I used it to my friend who is Asian. You know what? She gently corrected me. I was mortified and she was extremely nice because she knew I was the last person who would purposefully say something offensive or hurtful. To this day, I remember it as a good learning experience.

[Anonymous]

I was at a dinner with a group of parents from my son's school. One of the mom's had a glass of wine too many. She loudly brayed the word "retarded" to describe a situation.

Another parent at the table, whose child has developmental disabilities, literally flinched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in HR and I’ve received this complaint before, actually, and while I agree it’s not a word to be used in the office, I’ve not worked in an office where using it was against any rule like using the n-word is. If someone uses that, there’s sensitivity training to be done. Oddly, the word retarded is not considered insensitive or racist.

I’ve also never heard of “spirit animal” being racist either. That’s a new one to me.

What I always did when I got this complaint was just talk to the person about work appropriate language. Most admitted that they use it so regularly that they don’t think about it or realize they said it at work.

Sometimes inappropriate things slip out. I just had to have a talk with someone whose coworker was offended she said “well f*ck me gently!” when her computer froze and she lost part of a project she hadn’t saved. She didn’t even realize she said it because she said that’s what she says at home when something goes wrong.

If that's true, then your office's anti-discrimination policies are really deficient. Discrimination on the basis of disability is unlawful under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and most state laws (including the DC Human Rights Act). Harassment based on disability is accordingly unlawful where it is severe or pervasive or otherwise creates an intimidating or hostile work environment. Most good policies will encourage employees to report issues before they become severe and pervasive, so as to allow the employer to fix the problem prior to it becoming actionable. Your employer's policy really should cover the use of epithets that make fun of someone on the basis of a disability, just as the policy covers the use of epithets that make fun of someone due to their race.
I agree that this is likely not a terminable offense, in and of itself. The proper result is probably counseling for the employee involved. (However, in this case, with a new manager who is using the word in front of clients, I wouldn't be surprised if the upper management just decided that they had made a bad decision hiring someone who is generally clueless about social norms .... not what you want in management.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in HR and I’ve received this complaint before, actually, and while I agree it’s not a word to be used in the office, I’ve not worked in an office where using it was against any rule like using the n-word is. If someone uses that, there’s sensitivity training to be done. Oddly, the word retarded is not considered insensitive or racist.

I’ve also never heard of “spirit animal” being racist either. That’s a new one to me.

What I always did when I got this complaint was just talk to the person about work appropriate language. Most admitted that they use it so regularly that they don’t think about it or realize they said it at work.

Sometimes inappropriate things slip out. I just had to have a talk with someone whose coworker was offended she said “well f*ck me gently!” when her computer froze and she lost part of a project she hadn’t saved. She didn’t even realize she said it because she said that’s what she says at home when something goes wrong.

If that's true, then your office's anti-discrimination policies are really deficient. Discrimination on the basis of disability is unlawful under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and most state laws (including the DC Human Rights Act). Harassment based on disability is accordingly unlawful where it is severe or pervasive or otherwise creates an intimidating or hostile work environment. Most good policies will encourage employees to report issues before they become severe and pervasive, so as to allow the employer to fix the problem prior to it becoming actionable. Your employer's policy really should cover the use of epithets that make fun of someone on the basis of a disability, just as the policy covers the use of epithets that make fun of someone due to their race.
I agree that this is likely not a terminable offense, in and of itself. The proper result is probably counseling for the employee involved. (However, in this case, with a new manager who is using the word in front of clients, I wouldn't be surprised if the upper management just decided that they had made a bad decision hiring someone who is generally clueless about social norms .... not what you want in management.)

You are describing a horror of an office.