New Friend - Morally Questionable Job

[Anonymous]

I would be withholding judgement until I could determine whether this individual believes in the principles of the morally-dubious business or whether they were desperate for a job, and/or un-involved in decision-making. If the latter, it would still not be ideal, and they wouldn't become my closest friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I guess I see why our election results looked like they did, and why those of us in bubbles like the DMV missed it...

Well said

+1,000. This conversation wouldn't even occur outside of the ACELA corridor, much less go the way it has.

HAHAHA spoken like someone who's never been outside the Acela corridor. You're right, people who live in deep red rural areas are paragons of acceptance for viewpoints opposing their own.

[Anonymous]

I don't need to be bosom buddies with any of my neighbors, but I'd like to get along with all of them. I have one who is kind of obnoxious about Trump but even that we've just started to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner and I just moved to a new house and we are eager to make new friends in the neighborhood. We met a nice couple, and it came out that one of them works at a company that most people would think is evil (think tobacco). I am having trouble seeing past that. Should that be a friendship deal breaker? Thanks.

You are a citizen of the country that started myriads of bloodbath conflicts and revolutions in many countries, and drowned in blood Middle East and Yugoslavia using your tax dollars.
You are a citizen of the country that kills millions of innocent homeless animals each year in the municipal shelters for your convenience to walk the streets free of stray animals, and you pay for it with your tax money. And you are worried about someone working for tobacco industry? Take a look in the mirror, murderer.

[Anonymous]

So these are “neighbor” friends right- meaning you can be friendly but not best buddies. I think this is why the polite rules about not discussing religion or politics were created.

I would not necessarily work to become extremely close (especially if they are leaders in an organization whose mission I hate), but I can be pleasant and neighborly. And I just might learn something that would shift my own perspective on things.

I am personally very pro-choice and one of my colleagues is very pro-life and when I first met her I was appalled and wondered how we would work together. But we don’t talk about those things directly and over time I have come to appreciate how she reached her POV. I don’t agree, but it humanized the opposition for me so to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner and I just moved to a new house and we are eager to make new friends in the neighborhood. We met a nice couple, and it came out that one of them works at a company that most people would think is evil (think tobacco). I am having trouble seeing past that. Should that be a friendship deal breaker? Thanks.

Lawyers are morally questionable. Smoking is just stupid

[Anonymous]

OP once again demonstrates that open-minded people are open only to those with similar (read:liberal) beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP once again demonstrates that open-minded people are open only to those with similar (read:liberal) beliefs.

Yes because Fox News followers are so very open and accepting.

[Anonymous]

My husband told my kids that they could make more money if they went to work for the Darkside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, how we all really gotten so self-righteous that we will completely right off someone who works for an organization we don't support? Our country is going to shit.

I mean if someone is content editor for Stormfront magazine or a web designer for ISIS fine, but something like tobacco or the NRA? Ridiculous.

And I am sure half your husband's work at law firms that represent these or other "horrible" organizations, but you are still happy to cash those checks.

How are the things you described different than someone who works for something like Tobacco that kills hundreds of thousands of people a year? Tobacco has killed far more people than terrorism has or will.

Same with planned parenthood.

Abortion providers would probably be people I could not be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, how we all really gotten so self-righteous that we will completely right off someone who works for an organization we don't support? Our country is going to shit.

I mean if someone is content editor for Stormfront magazine or a web designer for ISIS fine, but something like tobacco or the NRA? Ridiculous.

And I am sure half your husband's work at law firms that represent these or other "horrible" organizations, but you are still happy to cash those checks.

How are the things you described different than someone who works for something like Tobacco that kills hundreds of thousands of people a year? Tobacco has killed far more people than terrorism has or will.

Same with planned parenthood.

Abortion providers would probably be people I could not be friends with.

Huh. Something tells me there aren't a lot of OB/GYNS clamoring for your social acceptance.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with! It's totally your call, and you can reject a potential friend based on whatever criteria your heart desires; there's plenty of fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP once again demonstrates that open-minded people are open only to those with similar (read:liberal) beliefs.

Yes because Fox News followers are so very open and accepting.

DP. No, they ar not. But since when is being as bad as Fox the standard we want to live up to? There is now a real issue with close-mindedness on left, not just the right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP once again demonstrates that open-minded people are open only to those with similar (read:liberal) beliefs.

Yes because Fox News followers are so very open and accepting.

DP. No, they ar not. But since when is being as bad as Fox the standard we want to live up to? There is now a real issue with close-mindedness on left, not just the right.

Totally agree. I'm generally a left-leaning liberal, and I find this thread pretty appalling. Dismissing people we disagree with is not how progress on issues is made. You can open hearts and minds by taking the high road and reaching across the aisle. Saying "no" to a friendship with a neighbor because you take issue with the politics of their job is not acting within the values of openness and tolerance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A woman who refers to the man she lives with as her "partner" just moved in next door to me. I'm a friendly sort and want to like my new neighbors, but this really offends me. What if they are shacking up and aren't legally married? Should this be a friendship dealbreaker?

I know you're being facetious, but I'll play along for a moment. Sure, feel free to treat it as a deal-breaker for friendship if it so violates your values. Be polite and kind, but you don't have to be friends.

No one is saying OP has to be friends with this person. People are simply saying that is a stupid reason not to be friends.

It’s only because OP is stating it as what they don’t have in common as the reason why rather than the flip side of saying she has friends with x in common. But let’s be real, people make decisions every day about who they want to spend their limited free time trying to be friends. Parents of boys in the class befriend other parents of boys because most likely that is who your child will hang out with. If you meet someone in a moms group and they talk about how they might move away from DMV next year, I know I’m cordial but if I am looking to make mom friends I am not going to go out of my way to coordinate social things with that person because I know I would start from scratch again next year.

So to OP, stay cordial. If you end up finding that thing you do have in common, like your kids are both in the band, build on it slowly. If we use FB as an example, I know a few outspoken people with similar political values as me are have very close friends with polar opposite views. They stay friends I think because there is a shared history like high school or college and that person had been there for them for tough times and Vice versa. They also know each other well enough take not try to change the other person while believing the other person is a good person.