Embarrassed by trashy in laws

[Anonymous]

Did you not date him and meet his family before marrying him, doofus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you not date him and meet his family before marrying him, doofus?

NP, but I did not meet my in laws before getting married. Big mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physically unappealing women have a.narrow range of romantic choices. Trailer trash in laws might be.better than cats.

I’m not that ugly though. I just picked poorly.

You’re ugly on the inside, and that’s ugly enough.

Keep grasping at those straws. It’s such a good look. Grasp, grasp, grasp.

NP. Are you the OP?

[Anonymous]

Does your spouse treat you well?

That's the key. You married this person -- for some reason.

You need to separate your spouse from the birth family. Perhaps your spouse is embarrassed by what happens. How do you handle it? Support your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you not date him and meet his family before marrying him, doofus?

NP, but I did not meet my in laws before getting married. Big mistake.

I met my in-laws after I got married. They live 1000 miles away from here so no much interaction. Score!, 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You love your spouse? How did s/he not wind up the same as their parents?

Yeah I love my spouse. I’m realizing he’s not that different from them. He gets too drunk too and gets wobbly; thinks climate change is real and liberal arts degrees are useless.

I think you should be embarrassed. Denying science is pretty F-ing moronic.

The vast majority knows nothing about the “science” and is parroting what they heard on NPR. I won’t venture a guess as to whether you are one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I don’t know how to say this. But I’m really embarrassed by my association with my in laws. They’re rowdy drunks; MIL has been thrown out of restaurants for being too drunk; husbands uncle was a porn photographer; MIL and FIL do not have college degrees; they’re so narrow minded and uneducated; they read conspiracy theories and think climate change is fake and education is for elitist snobs.

How the f*ck did I end up there?

They brought up your husband. Just think of what you have to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You married into the Palin family?

No Biden family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You love your spouse? How did s/he not wind up the same as their parents?

Yeah I love my spouse. I’m realizing he’s not that different from them. He gets too drunk too and gets wobbly; thinks climate change is real and liberal arts degrees are useless.

From this response alone they should be embarrased if you. You are ignorant. Maybe it's to your advantage they get drunk and don't notice how ignorant you are.

Look at your post... you have no right to call anyone else ignorant. 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I don’t know how to say this. But I’m really embarrassed by my association with my in laws. They’re rowdy drunks; MIL has been thrown out of restaurants for being too drunk; husbands uncle was a porn photographer; MIL and FIL do not have college degrees; they’re so narrow minded and uneducated; they read conspiracy theories and think climate change is fake and education is for elitist snobs.

How the f*ck did I end up there?

Talking about yourself?

[Anonymous]

OP, you might feel better if you tried to see your in laws' trashy behaviors as existing on a continuum or if you were curious about the feelings, experiences and motivations that produce their observable behaviors. I say and do things that I know my more educated, richer and more accomplished sister and BIL judge as trashy. I can feel it when I am around them. The distancing, the facial expressions, the "above it all" demeanor. If they were curious instead of judgmental, my observable behaviors would make sense to them and they might feel less threatened by me.

OP, try to connect with at least one time in your life you've been on the receiving end of the same judgment you hold toward your in laws. What did people who quickly judged you conclude about you that simply was not true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you not date him and meet his family before marrying him, doofus?

NP, but I did not meet my in laws before getting married. Big mistake.

+1

I met my ILs only briefly before marriage. They started really piling it on at our wedding planning, but I was absorbed with my parent literally dying, so I was not able to devote the time, attention, and crystal clear response I normally would have. The ILs are not nice people, in any form of the word, and any chance they have to pile it on, they do. I am grateful that they inadvertently have given, and continue to give me (and now, DH), the insight to know how it was for DH in that God awful house, growing up. They are not happy about anything, unless they are gushing about a strangers baby, but that is about it. They are codependent, cold and clannish and antagonistic, and only getting worse. It is all about them. (Ex: DC excitedly disclosing to MIL DC's college choice - her response: "I thought you would go to (MIL's favorite school here)". No "congratulations", nothing. Then MIL goes on to tell DC which non-family member (MIL) is going to leave her jewelry to, unprompted. Just a tiny example of the typical nastiness. The family dynamics are completely dysfunctional and each time I thought I have heard it all - they never cease to amaze, truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you not date him and meet his family before marrying him, doofus?

NP, but I did not meet my in laws before getting married. Big mistake.

+1

I met my ILs only briefly before marriage. They started really piling it on at our wedding planning, but I was absorbed with my parent literally dying, so I was not able to devote the time, attention, and crystal clear response I normally would have. The ILs are not nice people, in any form of the word, and any chance they have to pile it on, they do. I am grateful that they inadvertently have given, and continue to give me (and now, DH), the insight to know how it was for DH in that God awful house, growing up. They are not happy about anything, unless they are gushing about a strangers baby, but that is about it. They are codependent, cold and clannish and antagonistic, and only getting worse. It is all about them. (Ex: DC excitedly disclosing to MIL DC's college choice - her response: "I thought you would go to (MIL's favorite school here)". No "congratulations", nothing. Then MIL goes on to tell DC which non-family member (MIL) is going to leave her jewelry to, unprompted. Just a tiny example of the typical nastiness. The family dynamics are completely dysfunctional and each time I thought I have heard it all - they never cease to amaze, truly.

Point being, I would take marrying into a poor family that has an actual heart and a modicum of common sense over a nasty, bully, clannish "family" (but only "family" when they want something) any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I don’t know how to say this. But I’m really embarrassed by my association with my in laws. They’re rowdy drunks; MIL has been thrown out of restaurants for being too drunk; husbands uncle was a porn photographer; MIL and FIL do not have college degrees; they’re so narrow minded and uneducated; they read conspiracy theories and think climate change is fake and education is for elitist snobs.

How the f*ck did I end up there?

They brought up your husband. Just think of what you have to look forward to.

Unfortunately, this response is accurate. I know because my DH is becoming his curmudgeonly MIL/FIL, and it is not pretty - not talking about the physical aspect, but the mental and social repercussions - totally unpleasant to be around, and you never know when the next bomb will drop, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would find them incredibly and endlessly fun and exciting. I have a Ph.D from Ivy, come from a good family (by your standards), know how to perform when the situation calls for refined sensibilities, and I'm a democrat. They would crack me up. Spice of life.

Same (except I have a JD, not a PhD).