When the Average Looking Girl In High School Gets to be in the "Cool" Crowd

[Anonymous]

Can you fix your commas and grammar? Your post is basically unintelligible.

Oh and sorry the other moms don’t like you. Because we all know that’s what you’re saying.

[Anonymous]

It’s the monkey paw!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

Ok, so if you are still in shape from a college recreational volleyball team- how old are you exactly?

[Anonymous]

Do you mean this kind of magical unicorn OP?

[Anonymous]

Most of the girls in my high school class were both beautiful and smart (I went to boarding school). Did you go to some podunk high school where you felt like a big fish in a small pond? We get it, OP - you're not like a regular mom; you're a cool mom.

[Anonymous]

Christ. Who thinks about this shit? Too many dumb women spending too much time watching the Bravo channel.

When you actually grow up, this type of shit just isn’t on your radar.

I have boys. Maybe boy moms are different. Come to think of it, most of my friends in HS were also male. I don’t get bitches that are consumed by this. I am fortunate to have some great women friends that are smart, sassy and don’t wear riding boots and quilted vests.

P.S. OP: I am beautiful, have a PhD in a STEM area and was a Division 1 soccer player. You don’t sound particularly nice or bright. There’s probably a reason you aren’t getting a warm reception.

[Anonymous]

You have entirely too much time on your hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

I'm going to have to agree with this. I am not saying all housewives but of the gossipy nasty ones at my school, I'd say, honestly those are the ones who are like that are housewives. The moms who work just don't have time, I think. Not saying moms who work don't gossip and can't be nasty because Lord knows it happens in the workplace but the mentality for working mothers is the school social circles (moms) are just a pit stop in between our "real" lives, which consist of running our kids to activities, work meetings, work travel, work dinners and other aspects of our social lives. For some housewives, school IS their life and there is not much else to it, which is unfortunate because I think it breeds that kind of mentality/energy when your social life essentially revolves around a school. Again, not ALL housewives are like this but the nastiest most gossipy ones at my school all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

No one cares, hun. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

How do you know they were high school outcasts? I know women like you describe. Plain jane, grew up upper middle class to rich, attended super expensive day or NE boarding schools (this is key) ... that aloof arrogant confident vibe is just natural. Even if they went to fairly normal colleges (from public flagship to some tiny private you've never heard of), their vibe all traces back to attending a snobby high school, where even the ugly dorks had that I'm better than you arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

How do you know they were high school outcasts? I know women like you describe. Plain jane, grew up upper middle class to rich, attended super expensive day or NE boarding schools (this is key) ... that aloof arrogant confident vibe is just natural. Even if they went to fairly normal colleges (from public flagship to some tiny private you've never heard of), their vibe all traces back to attending a snobby high school, where even the ugly dorks had that I'm better than you arrogance.

Um, no, that's not what I'm talking about. I am FB friends with enough of them to know their backgrounds - no "I was born wealthy and have an air about me" in this crowd - just a, "man, I'm glad I finally came up!" Well, at least they think!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP wants a caste system for high school popularity. Only formerly popular alpha girls control a monopoly on popular daughters?

I will say that's generally how it works. Popular kids have outgoing alpha parents ... but popularity is also pretty organic too. If your kid is great at sports, automatic popularity. If your husband comes into some big money, the kids' social lives will probably elevate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank god I don’t live in a riding boots/quilted vest neighborhood.

Praying for you, OP.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

How do you know they were high school outcasts? I know women like you describe. Plain jane, grew up upper middle class to rich, attended super expensive day or NE boarding schools (this is key) ... that aloof arrogant confident vibe is just natural. Even if they went to fairly normal colleges (from public flagship to some tiny private you've never heard of), their vibe all traces back to attending a snobby high school, where even the ugly dorks had that I'm better than you arrogance.

Um, no, that's not what I'm talking about. I am FB friends with enough of them to know their backgrounds - no "I was born wealthy and have an air about me" in this crowd - just a, "man, I'm glad I finally came up!" Well, at least they think!

Not all the day/boarding crowd is wealthy, but they all have that plain jane arrogant vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

How do you know they were high school outcasts? I know women like you describe. Plain jane, grew up upper middle class to rich, attended super expensive day or NE boarding schools (this is key) ... that aloof arrogant confident vibe is just natural. Even if they went to fairly normal colleges (from public flagship to some tiny private you've never heard of), their vibe all traces back to attending a snobby high school, where even the ugly dorks had that I'm better than you arrogance.

Um, no, that's not what I'm talking about. I am FB friends with enough of them to know their backgrounds - no "I was born wealthy and have an air about me" in this crowd - just a, "man, I'm glad I finally came up!" Well, at least they think!

If you had an ounce of self-awareness you’d realize you’re an imbecile.