When the Average Looking Girl In High School Gets to be in the "Cool" Crowd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

Looks like she hit a nerve. Sound pretty typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

Looks like she hit a nerve. Sound pretty typical.

no she sounds like a wannabe Beth Harbison ~ like she's trying out lines from the awful chick lit novel she's writing on us to see whether they pass muster.

I maintain that no sane adult woman talks like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

Looks like she hit a nerve. Sound pretty typical.

Yes. Typical. For whatever reason, my name is always on the 'mom's night out' email list. I never show. It's common in my area to have a mammoth list. Truthfully, it's nice that everyone is included. Most likely, one of her real friends told somebody to add her name to the invite list. There are always a fair number that don't know each other or have only seen each other at school events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

lol

What, are we supposed to think 3 vacations a year makes you special? Girl, please. What would you say if I said we take FIVE vacations a year (typically three international, two domestic) AND we have a paid off house? I suppose I'm going to really blow your mind when I say we will inherit a beach house nearby too.

This is so sad and pathetic I don't even know what to say.

[Anonymous]

I never understood the Vest. Period. I have never worn one because it seems so crazy to me. I mean, my arms get cold. If it's warm but chilly--I wear a light jacket. The Vest was always an idiotic concept to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

Looks like she hit a nerve. Sound pretty typical.

Yes. Typical. For whatever reason, my name is always on the 'mom's night out' email list. I never show. It's common in my area to have a mammoth list. Truthfully, it's nice that everyone is included. Most likely, one of her real friends told somebody to add her name to the invite list. There are always a fair number that don't know each other or have only seen each other at school events.

No it's not the Mom's Night Out that dinged the troll bell for me - it's the hackneyed phrases and stereotypes she uses. Of course the SAHMs in this scenario do fitness boot camp and barre. I'm surprised she didn't throw in a mention of white Mercedes SUV. Also - phrases such as "pumping" people for personal info to start drama, the wine was flowing, "snarky digs" thrown at working moms - these sound like a novelist trying to wordsmith a better book. Also her suspicion that someone bothered to look into her background in order to make fun of her. That did not happen. The truth is, in real life, no one cares that much about anyone else to go to the trouble of researching their career and then spreading the info around to other people.

[Anonymous]

^ Also no one with two brain cells to rub together thinks business travel is exciting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

Agree. Or else she did go because these women were trying to be friendly and include her, which clearly backfired because she turned out to be a complete narcissist. She actually believes they spent time "researching" her? Wow. Hopefully in the future, they'll proceed with their plans without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

This is 100% a troll post. No one talks like this. You sound like a mediocre wannabe novelist.

I loved the part being out on "girls night" and all the snarky comments from the SAHMs who must have done research to find out that she even worked because she had never mentioned that to them before....

She barely knows the women, yet she is going out on girls night with them. Sure she is. Did.Not.Happen.

Looks like she hit a nerve. Sound pretty typical.

Yes. Typical. For whatever reason, my name is always on the 'mom's night out' email list. I never show. It's common in my area to have a mammoth list. Truthfully, it's nice that everyone is included. Most likely, one of her real friends told somebody to add her name to the invite list. There are always a fair number that don't know each other or have only seen each other at school events.

No it's not the Mom's Night Out that dinged the troll bell for me - it's the hackneyed phrases and stereotypes she uses. Of course the SAHMs in this scenario do fitness boot camp and barre. I'm surprised she didn't throw in a mention of white Mercedes SUV. Also - phrases such as "pumping" people for personal info to start drama, the wine was flowing, "snarky digs" thrown at working moms - these sound like a novelist trying to wordsmith a better book. Also her suspicion that someone bothered to look into her background in order to make fun of her. That did not happen. The truth is, in real life, no one cares that much about anyone else to go to the trouble of researching their career and then spreading the info around to other people.

Yep. Her overgrown sense of importance is so off-putting, I'm surprised she was invited in the first place. I'm sure it'll be the last time though.

Very funny how she included every single catchphrase she could think of to smear these SAHMs. And by funny, I don't really mean funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

This..100 times over. I actually like to be "cast out" I just kinda wanna be left alone by the school moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

This..100 times over. I actually like to be "cast out" I just kinda wanna be left alone by the school moms.

I "opt out", not cast out. As my kids have gotten older, it's been easier. By middle school, it all becomes irrelevant because nobody really volunteers and kids are self-sufficient.

My youngest (late elementary school) now takes the bus so I don't even see most moms. The school events are less. I'll go to a class party or chaperone--but that's it. I support behind the scenes---send in things with my kid the school or class needs, etc.

I work and kids are involved in sports, etc.

I don't do drama so I don't want to hear about 'who said what to who' or 'which kid did what', blah, blah. Fortunately, most parents at my kids' school have good hearts and there isn't the maliciousness being referred to in this thread. Of, since I've opted out, I am the center of the bashing--ha---but who gives a sh*t if I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Wow look at all the snarky housewives with their elastic oversized panties in a bunch!

[Anonymous]

Anyone remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie called out her writer boyfriend for using "scrunchie" in his book? She's all like no true NY woman would ever wear a scrunchie! And he got very mad.

[Anonymous]

OP, hate to break it to you, but the "cool mom" (sic) does not give a flying care what you think. Maybe you should grow up.