When the Average Looking Girl In High School Gets to be in the "Cool" Crowd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My main point is the irony of the outcasts now trying to cast out others. They're trying to do the exact same thing to others that was done to them.

You have no way of knowing they were once outcasts since you didn't know them before. They might have been cliquey biotches since preschool.

And there's a very real chance that you are simply projecting. These women might be nice, and you might be some sort of insecure whackadoodle who assigns malicious intent without just cause. Based on your original post, that's my guess.

My two cents as a mid-40s working mom in the suburbs of dcumlandia: the bitchy moms are the insecure moms. These are typically SAHMs or moms who work very PT, have too much free time on their hands so they constantly chat/text/gossip, and are strangely hyper competitive about everything. As a working mom with a demanding career and limited free time, I have zero interest in worrying about what other moms are saying/doing. I couldn't care less about the little kid sports drama. I have no interest in the fat and sugar content of what was served at the last birthday party or school event. I'm genuinely sad when I hear about the latest marriage imploding, and I don't care to speculate or pass judgment. I don't keep track of play dates or social media...and I think any adult who has determined which kids are "popular" or which moms are the "it" moms probably has a rather empty life (and that's sad).

Honestly, I struggle to remember the names of the moms from school...even the moms of my kids' friends. The kids are friends, but those moms are really just acquaintances. I already have friends from childhood, college/grad school, and work...I'm not really pressed to make new mommy friends in some misguided and bizarre attempt to make my kids popular. I mean, that just sounds like something an unhinged person would do.

+1

Well said.

Well, except for the SAHM dig. In my circles the drama is equal opportunity. And easily ignored.

I qualified it: I didn't say all SAHMs. It's just the ones with way too much time on their hands who seem to enjoy constant gossiping (often by texts). The ones who are up in everyone's business are dangerous: they're the ones who foster drama. I learned this early on (again, I'm old: mid-40s with kids in elementary, middle and high school) when I quickly discovered that the moms who seemed super friendly and chatty were actually pumping people for personal info or trying to get you to pass judgment on someone else---so they could use that info in future conversations with others. I was shocked to hear women saying mean or judgmental things about other women who I thought were their friends. I figured if Larla was saying mean things about her friend Suzy to me, I could only imagine what they were saying about me: the working mom who wasn't on their group texts, didn't have time for fitness boot camp or barre, and wasn't able to volunteer at school as much as the others.

Now, I'm sure you're going to say that perhaps I'm projecting. That's fair to wonder. But all of this was pretty much confirmed when we were at a girls night out type event, alcohol was flowing, and there were a lot of snarky digs at the working moms. The rocks thrown at me focused exclusively on my long hours and demanding career---framed consistently as choices I made at the expense of my kids. Lots of comments about my "exciting" business travel, job perks, and professional accomplishments. The strangest thing is that I had never spoken directly to any of these women about my job, so I think someone must have researched me to get the info. Seriously. So, that's my experience with a certain subset of SAHMs with too much free time and lots of insecurity. I most certainly don't feel this way about all SAHMs.

Having said that, who knows how I might behave if I had had the option to leave the rat race as a young mom and found myself in my mid-40s at home with lots of time on my hands while my kids were in school? I suspect I might be worried about my identity after the kids leave home. And I suspect it might be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping if that's the social norm. And to be fair, gossiping certainly happens in the workplace...its just typically more strategic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

Well played, Vlad!

FYI: This is Vlad, our friendly Russian troll. He must be super bored tonight.

[Anonymous]

Get a life, OP.

[Anonymous]

Jealous much, OP? Let me guess, you were the super hot fun girl in high school and college who married the dumb jock and are super dissatisfied with your middle class life while the nerds who married other nerds are very successful and rich. Amiright?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

You’re definitely that one woman whom everybody talks about behind their back. And when I say “talks about,” I really mean “makes fun of.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

So is my high school friend but she is clinging to her beauty as we age. Scary to see. enjoy

[Anonymous]

It's so sad and pathetic when grown women talk about high school like it was the best time in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

Wow, OP! Good for you! The QB of the football team asked me to homecoming my freshman year and I am so glad I already had a date because otherwise I might have ended up with friends like you.

I was a cheerleader for four years in HS. Played on my college soccer team. Vacation more than you do and look better than I did in HS. That said, a lot of people I know who were popular and partied hard look worse than they did and are the bitchciest parents, so maybe you just can’t pick out your old flock because you’re all too busy judging each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably not the beautiful unicorn you think you are!

I am, trust me, which is why I can make this observation from my perch. I was a cheerleader for 3 years in high school, played on a rec volleyball team in college so am not only pretty but in shape. Today, my husband and I own our home outright (so no penny pinching to try to pay our mortgage every month); we vacation at least three times a year and I am just as, if not more beautiful than I was when I was in high school and this is according to people who have known me for years. But think what you want!

LOL. We vacation 3 times a year! Said most earnestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad and pathetic when grown women talk about high school like it was the best time in their lives.

+1. Sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the cool girls in my high school wore a lot of makeup, had nice clothes and cars, and liked to “party”. Some were pretty, some were not, but most of them didn’t finish college and still live in my hometown.

Same, and at least two were pregnant by the end of senior year.

[Anonymous]

Wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the cool girls in my high school wore a lot of makeup, had nice clothes and cars, and liked to “party”. Some were pretty, some were not, but most of them didn’t finish college and still live in my hometown.

Same, and at least two were pregnant by the end of senior year.

But do they own their own homes and vacation 3 times a year?

[Anonymous]

Who knew cheerleading in high school and rec volleyball in college could be heralded as lifetime achievements?

Try updating your resume and then evaluate your top three achievements/most impressive bullet points. If they occurred in high school or college, then I feel sorry for you.

While being a mom is my #1 priority and my first identity, I've accomplished many great things professionally as well as through public service. My academic and athletic achievements in high school and college wouldn't even make my list of achievements these days.

[Anonymous]

I find it really odd that OP is referring to beautiful women who are also smart as “unicorns”. I don’t see intelligence as a rare trait among beautiful women, and I think there’s a subtle misogyny going on in OP’s post.

OP, I’m happy for you about the rec volleyball and good looks and all that, and I’m going to let you finish, but we’ve got to talk about these quilted vests and riding boots. Riding boots went out of style a couple years ago. The vests have evolved into being a cool weather staple, not a fashion statement.