Jealous of pregnant friend

[Anonymous]

Think about how your friend feels. A few close friends seemed to distance themselves when I was pregnant and had kids and they got divorces. One reappeared now that she has kids... One friend that I was very close to for 15+ years and helped her through her divorce ( lots of listening about the drama etc.) hasn’t even met two of my children and she lives 20 minutes away. It hurts. I don’t know if she is jealous or just decided not to like me anymore! When we used to get together I never talked about my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about how your friend feels. A few close friends seemed to distance themselves when I was pregnant and had kids and they got divorces. One reappeared now that she has kids... One friend that I was very close to for 15+ years and helped her through her divorce ( lots of listening about the drama etc.) hasn’t even met two of my children and she lives 20 minutes away. It hurts. I don’t know if she is jealous or just decided not to like me anymore! When we used to get together I never talked about my kids.

+1. Same situation. My former best friend just ghosted after I had kids. She had divorced and remarried by then but is several years older than me and no kids and appears to not be able to get pregnant with new husband (I don’t know the details but know she initially tried). Didn’t come to my baby shower, didn’t even send a card or gift, has never met my kids even though we’re both in DC. It really hurt for a long time. I’ve just moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask how it feels to be on the other side? Has anyone experienced someone else feeling envious or upset by your pregnancy?

Yes, I have. (Before anyone jumps on me, I want to say I follow the infertility board because my very close friend has struggled for years to conceive and I want to a) understand what all the medical procedures, words, etc mean, and b) I want some additional emotional insight into infertility.)

Our friendship was strained for awhile during my early pregnancy, which was hard for me but I know it was crushingly hard for her. It's ok that she wasn't happy for me. Sure, maybe the biggest, most generous person in the world could say, "I'm happy for you but sad for me," but let's be honest -- when you want a child, it goes to the core of who you are. Seeing other people easily achieve it while you struggle is not the same as watching your naturally athletic friend make 10 free throws in a row while you struggle to do a lay-up. It's not admiring the Tesla you see in the parking space next to your Honda Fit. This is just not a situation where the "good for her" type attitude applies. And so although I was sad not to be able to tap into her amazing insight and empathy during that time, I know that my sadness over not having that was a mere fraction of the crushing sadness she felt at watching me have something she so desperately wanted. I did my best to take some steps back while she dealt with her feelings, even though it hurt, because I knew she needed that space, and I hoped that by giving it to her that I would be preserving our friendship for the future.

You are amazing. Your message really touched me. You clearly have a lot of enpathy. Thank you for posting.

Anyway, long story short, our friendship did survive, and she is still trying to have a baby, and she adores my kid and is a wonderful "auntie." All of which I think demonstrate what an amazing person she is and how lucky I am to have her in my life. And I really hope that I get to experience that moment of holding her tiny baby in my arms, too.

[Anonymous]

What I wanted to say to the poster who allowed her friend to have her space was this-

You are amazing. Your message really touched me. You clearly have a lot of enpathy. Thank you for posting.