Give me permission to just not visit my dad this Christmas please

[Anonymous]

Going to visit your dad for a weekend is exhausting?? Give me a break. You are bring dramatic. You have your husband to help you. Tell him what you need him to do, like the vet visit and setup a kennel stay, etc.

[Anonymous]

If I were your dad, who by your own account is a great guy, I would be HORRIFIED that my worn-out, exhausted daughter, was going to pile onto her exhaustion by coming to see me...an otherwise healthy 54 year old having knee surgery. Seriously. I am a parent of an adult child and I would (try to) order you to stay home and rest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 54 and in good health? That's kind of burying the headline. I think you are fine to postpone, but honestly it sounds like you need a break from everything.

Agreed. I think we were all picturing an 80 year old in precarious health. Totally different picture!

Can you just go on your own op? It might be good for you to have some baby-free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to read the whole thread which include op’s updates. I get it op - I have a dad who is married to someone I don’t enjoy spending time with. But it’s knee surgery and your dad is relatively young. I understand he’s probably in a lot of pain right now and is getting ready for his surgery but you are completely overwhelmed. There was not one day without a doctor appointment that he and stepmom couldn’t have driven up to visit you guys so that you, his daughter, gets a break? He really has doctor appointments on Saturday and Sunday? I think the way you originally framed it we all assumed your dad was elderly and alone and getting ready for open heart surgery. I’m not trying to be callous - I’m just looking out for you.

Op here. Thanks for this! I didn’t expect to get as hard of a time as I got so I appreciate your post. I am struggling with an anxiety disorder and depression, but even without those issues I still find this time of year kind of sucky and overwhelming.

There’s lots of other facts I wanted to chime in with, but it seemed irrelevant once I fully committed to going to visit.

DH is on board as long as we get a hotel. It’s just hard-our little one doesn’t handle car rides well, we have a dog I’ll have to kennel (this will also entail a vet visit), etc etc. I don’t know. I guess it’s just me but yeah I find all of this while working full time and taking care of a 17 month old to be exhausting.

OP you seem seriously depressed. Why don't you open up to your dad. Tell him you are suffering, that there is something wrong with you right now. This level of exhaustion is not normal and maybe he could understand if you are very open ? I agree that I was picturing an 80 yo and was about to tell you to go but he is young, surgery is no same level of risk and on the other hand you seem really sick and you need to get better

That being said: I have never suffered from post part un depression. I don't know if avoiding someone you love is going to feel like a welcome break or will actually not improve your well being by adding guilt. I know that when I suffer from anxiety the idea of moving is exhausting but it is not moving that actually makes me worse, when I manage to get out of the door I never regret it. May be the same for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I get it, I really do. I’m just curious how other people cope with things like this? Tired doesn’t even cover how I feel-more like exhausted, gutted. It feels like my whole life involves sucking it up and doing what I don’t want to do. I know that’s partially adulthood, but sometimes it just goes too far. The only way I get through the week is knowing that on Sunday morning I can go to therapy for one hour and on Saturday evening I can watch 2-3 hours of tv. This trip will take away the two things I look forward to all week. I know it’s stupid but I’m actually tearing up thinking about it.

I know I’m not the only person with a young kid and a job, why is that so overwhelming for me that when I have to fit one more thing in, I feel complete misery? Other people have more kids, harder jobs, etc. and they go see their families. It just feels insurmountable right now even though I agree I really should do this for my dad who is the nicest most understanding guy ever.

OP, I just saw this thread, but completely understand how you feel. You basically described how I'm feeling right now as well. Hugs to you.