Would you marry your spouse if you met him/her today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you mean knowing what I know now.... Not a chance.

+1
DH is a great father but a terrible terrible husband.

Is it really possible to be a terrible husband and a great father? Being disrespectful or abusive to one’s spouse disqualifies them from being a good father, IMO.

He is not a bad person, so no abuse. He he is available/ present for our children, recognizes their needs and cares for them (kids). None of that applies to me.
I love my kids, they are worth this shitty marriage. So maybe i’d marry him again just to have my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me. No.
I love him and I am committed but if we just met, i would not marry him.

He used to talk about moving to another state (I hate it here); now he is too set in his ways to explore anything other than where we are
He used to like to take trips (small/large/whatever); now he hates traveling with kids
He used to pitch in more and now i feel he is slacking big time
He struggles to understand or empathize with anyone/anything other than what HE has experienced or what HE would do. If HE wouldn't do XYZ he can't even begin to understand why I would want to or why I have.
That is exhausting as we are obviously 2 different people who have only continued to become more different as our relationship goes on.

I do like that he is a great father and that is appealing and he continues to be playful and fun.

It's good to see there is some silver lining in your clouds. Have you had a heart to heart with him, a gentle non-threatening conversation perhaps? Maybe a quiet dinner and start the conversation with you are concerned and only note one thing that's changed, like maybe the trips. Tell DH you want to understand better why he seems to hate traveling, maybe remind him of fun trips from the past. There could be a reason for some of his behavior. Depending on his age, Low-T (testosterone) can affect men's physical and mental health (fatigue, depression, lack of enthusiasm, etc.) I'm not saying it's true for DH, but something to consider. I hope things get better for you both.

[Anonymous]

A definite yes! He's really delivered!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me. No.
I love him and I am committed but if we just met, i would not marry him.

He used to talk about moving to another state (I hate it here); now he is too set in his ways to explore anything other than where we are
He used to like to take trips (small/large/whatever); now he hates traveling with kids
He used to pitch in more and now i feel he is slacking big time
He struggles to understand or empathize with anyone/anything other than what HE has experienced or what HE would do. If HE wouldn't do XYZ he can't even begin to understand why I would want to or why I have.
That is exhausting as we are obviously 2 different people who have only continued to become more different as our relationship goes on.

I do like that he is a great father and that is appealing and he continues to be playful and fun.

It's good to see there is some silver lining in your clouds. Have you had a heart to heart with him, a gentle non-threatening conversation perhaps? Maybe a quiet dinner and start the conversation with you are concerned and only note one thing that's changed, like maybe the trips. Tell DH you want to understand better why he seems to hate traveling, maybe remind him of fun trips from the past. There could be a reason for some of his behavior. Depending on his age, Low-T (testosterone) can affect men's physical and mental health (fatigue, depression, lack of enthusiasm, etc.) I'm not saying it's true for DH, but something to consider. I hope things get better for you both.

+1. His behavior is the problem, so you need to confront him.

[Anonymous]

I would say no way if it wasn’t for my beloved kids, but he is not the same person that I married. It’s like a total 180. I would never have even gone on a date with who he is now. I really dislike who he is now, but stay because of our young kids. I will definitely leave when the kids are older, but my kids are my first priority and I have no desire to pursue a new relationship afterward. He is not the person I thought I was marrying.

[Anonymous]

He works so much, I'm doubtful I would ever meet him today. Based only on the downtime we occasionally have together, yes.

But the actual hypothetical posed simply wouldn't happen.

[Anonymous]

HE shouldn't have married ME. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Meh. We've been married 20 years and have a couple teenage kids but the grind of middle age has sucked a lot of the joy out of our time together. We get along.

[Anonymous]

Never. I divorced him, but when I do see him, my first thought is “What the hell was I thinking?!”

[Anonymous]

Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but not sure he'd marry me, although I think he would. We are two of a kind, and life has mostly been good, but I could use to lose 20 lbs, drink less and pitch in more. And for the record, I am the DW.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely! I really can't imagine anyone better but I'm sure she can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you mean knowing what I know now.... Not a chance.

+1

same here. He is a great person and I'd be friends with him, but would not marry again. Part of it is him repeating some bad patterns from his parents' marriage, and part of it is that now I realize I myself may not be well suited for marriage, I like to do my own thing with nobody else meddling with me.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Yes, and sooner than I actually did.