Would you marry your spouse if you met him/her today?

[Anonymous]

For me. No.
I love him and I am committed but if we just met, i would not marry him.

He used to talk about moving to another state (I hate it here); now he is too set in his ways to explore anything other than where we are
He used to like to take trips (small/large/whatever); now he hates traveling with kids
He used to pitch in more and now i feel he is slacking big time
He struggles to understand or empathize with anyone/anything other than what HE has experienced or what HE would do. If HE wouldn't do XYZ he can't even begin to understand why I would want to or why I have.
That is exhausting as we are obviously 2 different people who have only continued to become more different as our relationship goes on.

I do like that he is a great father and that is appealing and he continues to be playful and fun.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, but I'm pretty sure he'd be snapped up by someone else years ago.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely. In a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

If you mean knowing what I know now.... Not a chance.

[Anonymous]

I would. My wife has gone through quite a transformation to become as great as she is, but there was always something about her that I knew it was in there. Great wife, great mother, great friend, great date.

[Anonymous]

If I'd never been married? Without a doubt.

But I'm not sure if get married again if something happened to my DH. Although that is easy to say when in a marriage. There's a lot to be said for the predictability and reliability of someone who is committed. When shit happens, you need family. Since I have no kids and no siblings, I would be pretty on my own in the hard times as I get older.

[Anonymous]

Totally. She's only gotten better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would. My wife has gone through quite a transformation to become as great as she is, but there was always something about her that I knew it was in there. Great wife, great mother, great friend, great date.

Aw that's sweet. I hope in a few years my husband will be saying the same about me...I feel like I'm deeeep in that whole transformation phase as we speak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you mean knowing what I know now.... Not a chance.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, it gets better every year.

[Anonymous]

Never. He's an empty shell of the man I married. There were some minor signs I should have noticed early on. His personality now isn't completely different from when I met him, but it's as though all the bad has become exponentially increased and the good has all but disappeared. He's like Corey Feldman circa 1989 vs now.

[Anonymous]

Hell yeah!

[Anonymous]

In a hot second. Just like before.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. While I don’t believe in the concept of there being one soulmate, I can’t imagine anyone else being such a great match for me.

To the OP, it sounds like you are two very different people but not in the way that makes you better together. I am curious if something triggered his change in outlook to move something to his top priority that he can’t compromise or if he has never been great at communication and compromise. Like if talked about moving away and my parent had health issues I may suddenly change my mind and decide it’s very important for me to not be more than 1 hour from my parents. That’s different than not willing to discuss retirement elsewhere or being snow birds because I am used to always having what’s comfortable for me even with it isn’t optimal for you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I couldn't have done better.