Spouse not on wedding invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year. My husband was invited to an old friend's wedding and I was left off the invitation. He asked his friend and he said the invitation was for him only. Turns out he invited my husband's ex girlfriend that's why I wasn't invited.

Dude, this is pretty f*cked up right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For something like this, I'd ask. It's really unusual, and beyond rude, to exclude someone's spouse from a wedding invitation. I would assume some kind of mistake or mix-up.

Wrong. People are trying to keep weddings cheap, so instead of narrowing down the guest list in other ways, they're excluding +1's. It's so rude and tacky - but it's what they're doing.

Ok. But then asking is still a good thing to do. If she's is doing this to cut costs, she should be able to say "yeah sorry, just you are invited, I hope you can come solo!". If you are going to be rude on the invite you should be able to back that up when someone thinks it's a mistake. Because it's so rude. No one is suggesting the OP just bring her DH. Check to see if it was a mistake. If it's not, then decide if you still want to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask because a spouse is different than a +1.

Honestly, my first thought was not rudeness or etiquette error but just an honest mistake. The person addressing the envelopes may have lost their place and did a sloppy job. If I was the bride I'd want to know about that.

DO NOT put the bride on the spot like this.

I would. A lot of things I wouldn't, but if she did this intentionally I would not feel remotely bad about making her feel awkward about it.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't want him to come.
She thinks your DH is an ass and doesn't want him ruining her wedding.

She tolerates him at other times, but on her wedding day she doesn't want to have to tolerate him.

This is the price of marrying a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going with answer 1. Maybe she's on a budget and is trying to limit the guest list. Yes, it's unusual, but I'm of the camp that you don't have to do everything with your spouse. Just go, catch up with other college friends and have fun.

A married couple is a social unit. You don't invite one to a social even without the other.

This is why I am no longer friends with someone from college. Her husband is just awful, so they aren't invited to anything anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year. My husband was invited to an old friend's wedding and I was left off the invitation. He asked his friend and he said the invitation was for him only. Turns out he invited my husband's ex girlfriend that's why I wasn't invited.

That's horrible, wrong on so many levels. I hope your husband didn't attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask because a spouse is different than a +1.

Honestly, my first thought was not rudeness or etiquette error but just an honest mistake. The person addressing the envelopes may have lost their place and did a sloppy job. If I was the bride I'd want to know about that.

This.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to RSVP for 2.

[Anonymous]

I would assume it is an honest mistake. Even in cases where someone doesn't know or like the spouse, you absolutely invite both people. Under no circumstances is it ever appropriate to just invite one spouse to a wedding, even if it's the evil step mother who broke up your parents marriage.

If she is clueless about etiquette, then you and DH figure out if you want to go alone or decline. But it is such a huge, unheard of lapse in etiquette that I would give her the benefit of the doubt and ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year. My husband was invited to an old friend's wedding and I was left off the invitation. He asked his friend and he said the invitation was for him only. Turns out he invited my husband's ex girlfriend that's why I wasn't invited.

That's horrible, wrong on so many levels. I hope your husband didn't attend?

He did, but he left after the ceremony when he realized his ex was there.

[Anonymous]

I hope you ask about this. I am planning a wedding right now and almost did this by mistake. I had a mental lapse and addressed an invitation to an old college friend using her family name and without mentioning her husband. Fortunately she and her husband share a name now, and I realized my mistake when I looked up her address under the wrong letter. It was just a rushed, stupid error and I'd have been horrified if my friend thought I was not inviting her husband. All to say, it can definitely be an honest mistake; you should ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you ask about this. I am planning a wedding right now and almost did this by mistake. I had a mental lapse and addressed an invitation to an old college friend using her family name and without mentioning her husband. Fortunately she and her husband share a name now, and I realized my mistake when I looked up her address under the wrong letter. It was just a rushed, stupid error and I'd have been horrified if my friend thought I was not inviting her husband. All to say, it can definitely be an honest mistake; you should ask.

Yes, yes, THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird to invite one spouse but not the other, no?

I'm PP who said choose option one. I don't think it's weird at all. OP's friend wants OP to be part of her day. Maybe she doesn't even know the spouse, why would she want him there? There is no reason for him to attend.

lol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first thoughts were she forgot his name. She is frazzled planning the wedding and forgot to write Mr. and Mrs.

Maybe she gave the list to someone else to help with invitations and wrote your name down but forgot to write +1 so they didn't know.

Contact her and ask. Don't overthink it.

that seems most likely - oversight, not assholery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask because a spouse is different than a +1.

Honestly, my first thought was not rudeness or etiquette error but just an honest mistake. The person addressing the envelopes may have lost their place and did a sloppy job. If I was the bride I'd want to know about that.

DO NOT put the bride on the spot like this.

I would. A lot of things I wouldn't, but if she did this intentionally I would not feel remotely bad about making her feel awkward about it.

Of course you'd ask. You think it's less weird to assume that the husband *actually* wasn't invited to this wedding? That would be very strange.